32 Men Answer The Question Of What Double Standards They Have Experienced That Women Never Do

Bored Panda got in touch with ENTPain to talk about masculinity and gender norms, and they agreed to have a little chat with us.

"I'm part of a female community here in Reddit where you can find wholesome content, some good memes and inside jokes that are focused on or for women," ENTPain recalled the origins of their now-viral post. "That day, I found [someone] tearing apart a guy because he was uncomfortable/didn't know how to feel about the girl he was currently dating ... I knew the post because I saw it earlier, and there were people saying horrible things about the girl, but the guy that posted it isn't responsible for that, you know? He was just expressing that he didn't know how to feel about it and was uncomfortable knowing this."

ENTPain was very confused, asking themselves questions like, "Were they invalidating this guy's boundaries?"

"Feminism supposedly supports equality, and that includes validating and accepting everyone; so why was it wrong for him to feel uncomfortable with something he wasn't okay with?" the Redditor wondered. "Why is it wrong for a guy to set boundaries? I ended up commenting on the post and I started getting downvoted for defending the guy and validating his boundaries. It made me think that this wasn't the only area where guys had to suffer because of double standards, so I ended up posting on r/AskReddit out of mere curiosity."

Even if we weren't talking about double standards, nowadays it's difficult to have a conversation about men or women without pitting them against each other. "I think the main point related to why there is so much negativity about equality is the misunderstanding of everything that the opposite sex has to go through," ENTPain said.

"There's a lot of stereotypes and stigmatization around what men and women are supposed to be, and a lot of those things that inherently we grew up with are taught by a lot of things in our surroundings, from family members to friends and the media. Having an open mind about all the issues that exist for both and accepting that not only women suffer from sexism is a great starting point. Women and men are different, of course, they are! But being 'built' differently shouldn't be seen as something negative. We are all humans, we all have a heart and a soul with a unique personality and have gone through a variety of experiences - none of us is less than the other in any way or for any kind of reason."

The debate over how and why men and women are different and what that means for their roles in society has been around for a long time and it's far from settled.

According to a survey by the Pew Research Center, the majority of Americans say men and women are basically different in the way they express their feelings, their physical abilities, their personal interests, and their approach to parenting.

But there is no public consensus on the origins of these differences—while women who perceive differences generally attribute them to societal expectations, men tend to point to biology.

Coming back to societal expectations, most men say men in general face at least some pressure to be emotionally strong (86%) and to be interested in sports (71%); about six-in-ten (57%) believe men face pressure to be willing to throw a punch if provoked, while smaller but sizable shares of men say men face pressure to join in when other men are talking about women in a sexual way (45%) and to have many sexual partners (40%).

Personally, ENTPain thinks that sexism and the unrealistic expectation of what 'a manly man' is supposed to be or what he is supposed to do are things that have a big negative impact on men.

And the Redditor has a point. Sociologist Raewyn Connell theorizes that common masculine ideals such as social respect, physical strength, and sexual potency become problematic when they set unattainable standards. Falling short can make boys and men insecure and anxious, which might prompt them to use force in order to feel, and be seen as, dominant and in control.

If we follow this line of thinking, we see that male violence doesn't come from something bad or toxic that has crept into the nature of masculinity itself. Instead, it stems from these men's social and political settings, the particularities of which set them up for inner conflicts over social expectations and male entitlement.

ENTPain would love to experience a time with no gender double standards, but the Redditor thinks it's very hard to achieve because of the weight of all the wrong perspectives and ideas about men and women that we have been carrying through so many generations.

"Is it impossible? I don't think so. It may sound cliché, but the change starts with each and every one of us; when we become more open-minded, stop judging, and start understanding and listening."

"Something that maybe I would like to add, and this goes for women and men: please be supportive of people around you! It doesn't matter what's their sex or gender - we are all humans at the end of the day. We all have feelings and we all have the right to have our beliefs, boundaries, identities, orientations, and any other thing that is a part of us respected and validated."

"Please listen to what the people around you have to say, be kind, and show yourself as a person who anyone can count on - that is rare nowadays. Break the stigma and give yourself the chance of understanding and validating others - let them vent about their problems, their insecurities, their fears, and their feelings," the Redditor said. "You don't need to be a psychologist to help someone. I'm a psychologist myself and I can assure you, as long as you give the first step towards making a difference, you're starting to change little by little the world for those around you. You are making their burdens a little less heavy by just being there for them."