Having a baby causes a seismic shift in a couple’s relationship. For some, it brings them together. For others, it’s the catalyst for breaking up. It’s unfortunate, but statistics show that couples experience a decline in relationship satisfaction after having kids. What’s more, a fifth of couples divorce within a year of their first baby’s arrival.
Each story about post-baby divorce is different, and these come from the perspective of the husband. Bored Panda has collected the most interesting answers from a thread where someone asked, “Men who've gotten divorced shortly after your wife got pregnant/had a child, what's your side of the story?” Read on to find the most heartbreaking and infuriating stories below!
#41
Know of a few people that did this, and it's often after the third child. They seem to come to the realization that they have zero interest in going through having that young of a child again. They also realize they have zero time to themselves. It's either work or entertaining kids. The more they put the burden of the kids on mom, the less mom can fill the role of wife. In all of the situations I know the details of, these were people that KNEW they were already spread quite thin with two children. Unfortunately, there's a lot of people driven to have "big families" because that's what they grew up with. The problem with that is there is zero acknowledgement that they had zero responsibility in that big family and their entire perspective is from that of a child. The whole situation is made worse because people seem to lack the required foresight to make these kinds of decisions. In this 3-child-divorce-after-third-child situation I blame both of them equally.
Report
5points
#42
Not divorced but there were times I considered it. Early pregnancy was rough but I thought the disrespect toward me and my parents went overboard - we are Asian so filial piety is huge in our lives. Then it got easier and the relationship got smoother.
After the kids were born things improved further. Tensions with other adults can get testy but whatever. I do believe though for babies and toddlers it matters a ton how the mom feels for their brain development. So part of being a father is sucking it up, take the emotional beatings in stride (as long as it is unintentional) and showing up and being responsible to the mom and the kids. You will have less time for you and your interests but in return the joy of spending time with your kids, which is temporary anyway, should make up for that.
After the kids were born things improved further. Tensions with other adults can get testy but whatever. I do believe though for babies and toddlers it matters a ton how the mom feels for their brain development. So part of being a father is sucking it up, take the emotional beatings in stride (as long as it is unintentional) and showing up and being responsible to the mom and the kids. You will have less time for you and your interests but in return the joy of spending time with your kids, which is temporary anyway, should make up for that.
Report
5points
#43
So right from the start me and my ex should’ve never been together. We had different morals values and beliefs. We wanted different things from life and she had a lot of unresolved trauma that she would not work on. We dated for about 4 years and married. We had a child 1 year 4 months after marriage and then recently divorced this year. We both worked full time jobs but she worked longer hours. I ended up getting stuck with all the chores, I was alone with our child all the time and on top of that she adopted cats and a dog while we were married. She left me with any and all responsibilities. Her cop out was always “I work more than you”. [Intimacy] completely stopped, I was burnt out all the time and didn’t even want [it], she cheated, following that I became very jaded and we fell apart from there. So glad to be out of it tho because while the divorce was rough I feel like I can breath again. I also feel like I have more energy for being a good dad now instead of the burnt out unhappy man that I had become.
I dont hate my ex and I really hope for the sake of our child and herself that she gets the help she needs.
I dont hate my ex and I really hope for the sake of our child and herself that she gets the help she needs.
Report
5points
#44
She kept trying to find things that kept her from being bored (to include having kids) and when she was bored with that, she decided she wanted to try other men. Now she's bored and lonely.
Report
5points
#45
Left a couple months before he was born after finding out the extent (but really probably not the full extent) of her cheating. It was a tad awkward in the delivery room with that one.
So, my transition from "willing to have a child together" to "Divorced" was a surprise to me. She went from "I'm sleeping with a bunch of other guys" to "Hey, I should have a kid with the one I'm married to". You would have to ask her, but I think it's a lifetime of trauma of varying sorts, none of which was ever properly faced or dealt with.
So, my transition from "willing to have a child together" to "Divorced" was a surprise to me. She went from "I'm sleeping with a bunch of other guys" to "Hey, I should have a kid with the one I'm married to". You would have to ask her, but I think it's a lifetime of trauma of varying sorts, none of which was ever properly faced or dealt with.
Report
5points
#46
Maybe I'm unqualified to answer, I'll share and let you be the judge. Totally okay if you don't think I'm in the right to try answering.
I'm not divorced, but I feel like it's heading in thet direction. Our baby is due in 3 months.
I personally have never considered separation or divorce, but my wife has brought it up on almost a monthly basis for the past 9-12 months.
My side of things is this: she has been becoming increasingly difficult to talk to and increasingly violent when arguments pass the tipping point. What used to be minor disagreements or disgruntlements now become full fledged fights. (Example: Recently we got into a fight because I made a noise of relief when I finally got some food unstuck from between my teeth. I immediately apologized, but she was already upset and tore into me about it while I sat there in silence waiting for it to be over. Then when it was over I apologized again and couldn't even finish the sentence before she was yelling at me again.) What used to be me communicating "hey, this is feeling like a lot for me, I need to step outside for 5 minutes and get some fresh air alone, I'll be right back." Has now become me just sitting there and taking my lickings or trying to get away only to be grappled, grabbed, pushed, shoved or otherwise restrained. If I'm quick enough I can sometimes lock myself in a room alone so there's some physical separation, but this usually results in her battering the door with her shoulder, elbow, fist or shoe trying to get in.
Despite all of that, this is the person I married, this is the person I love, this is the person I chose to have a child with, a child that I will love with ally heart. I want my child to grow up with two solid parents. Part of that, unfortunately, means enduring this and trying to get her some therapy and some help. I don't believe she's truly like this deep down, I believe she is just overwhelmed, anxious and has forgotten how to self regulate. I've known her for a decade. I know that what she's acting like doesn't reflect who she is.
That said, I can sense that in the near future she will try to divorce me or separate. If she does so, my hands will be tied on the subject.
I'm not divorced, but I feel like it's heading in thet direction. Our baby is due in 3 months.
I personally have never considered separation or divorce, but my wife has brought it up on almost a monthly basis for the past 9-12 months.
My side of things is this: she has been becoming increasingly difficult to talk to and increasingly violent when arguments pass the tipping point. What used to be minor disagreements or disgruntlements now become full fledged fights. (Example: Recently we got into a fight because I made a noise of relief when I finally got some food unstuck from between my teeth. I immediately apologized, but she was already upset and tore into me about it while I sat there in silence waiting for it to be over. Then when it was over I apologized again and couldn't even finish the sentence before she was yelling at me again.) What used to be me communicating "hey, this is feeling like a lot for me, I need to step outside for 5 minutes and get some fresh air alone, I'll be right back." Has now become me just sitting there and taking my lickings or trying to get away only to be grappled, grabbed, pushed, shoved or otherwise restrained. If I'm quick enough I can sometimes lock myself in a room alone so there's some physical separation, but this usually results in her battering the door with her shoulder, elbow, fist or shoe trying to get in.
Despite all of that, this is the person I married, this is the person I love, this is the person I chose to have a child with, a child that I will love with ally heart. I want my child to grow up with two solid parents. Part of that, unfortunately, means enduring this and trying to get her some therapy and some help. I don't believe she's truly like this deep down, I believe she is just overwhelmed, anxious and has forgotten how to self regulate. I've known her for a decade. I know that what she's acting like doesn't reflect who she is.
That said, I can sense that in the near future she will try to divorce me or separate. If she does so, my hands will be tied on the subject.
Report
5points
#47
The marriage was over before she was pregnant. It was an oopsie, but I'm so thankful for it because had she not gotten pregnant, I'd never have a child.
I love being a Dad and my daughter and me are really close.
I love being a Dad and my daughter and me are really close.
Report
5points
#49
I was 15 when my daughter was born. I met her running away from my father. After I moved across town I very nearly cheated on her and I stopped only because the other girl asked if I loved my babymomma and I said yes.
This made me realize I did not love her as much as I thought I did and to tell the truth I wanted to get an abortion and live my life but she didnt so i respected it. I think she loved me so much she would have kept anything to tie me to her.
A month after she was born I broke it off with her and told her I will still stick around for my daughter but our relationship was over. I never explained why either.
This made me realize I did not love her as much as I thought I did and to tell the truth I wanted to get an abortion and live my life but she didnt so i respected it. I think she loved me so much she would have kept anything to tie me to her.
A month after she was born I broke it off with her and told her I will still stick around for my daughter but our relationship was over. I never explained why either.
Report
5points
#50
She had an emotional affair with her bestfriend and other people right after my daughter was born, I wasn’t the best husband but a trying one and her communication was subpar in so many words so there wasn’t much for me to go off of to fix anything before I found the affair out. She’s now with the bestfriend.
Report
4points
