Society has come a long way in recent decades, but one issue we still have is that in many cultures, men are conditioned to repress their feelings. Toxic masculinity has convinced many men that showing emotions and opening up about their personal lives are somehow signs of weakness.
But everyone goes through terrible times, and everyone deserves the opportunity to receive support. Men on Reddit have recently been recalling some of the most devastating days they’ve experienced. From losing a partner to finding out a terrible truth about a loved one, these are the kinds of experiences that change a person. We’ll warn you right now, pandas, that these stories might hit home. But we hope they’ll simultaneously serve as a reminder that you never know what someone else is going through.
#1
Threw a 40th birthday party. Smoked a bunch of meat, did up a bunch of sides/food. Invited about 20 people. Got a few RSVP's too. Ive hosted folks plenty of times and usually have decent turn out.
Day of though? Not a soul showed up. Didn't even get any texts/calls. Got rather drunk by myself that day. Ate the sad BBQ over the next week.
I dont host parties or really celebrate my birthdays anymore. Slowly attempting to find a better social circle, but its been tough.
So that experience k****d a number of things in me.
Day of though? Not a soul showed up. Didn't even get any texts/calls. Got rather drunk by myself that day. Ate the sad BBQ over the next week.
I dont host parties or really celebrate my birthdays anymore. Slowly attempting to find a better social circle, but its been tough.
So that experience k****d a number of things in me.
38points
#2
Had a stuffed toy from birth.
Parents burnt it on a bbq and made me watch as punishment for some b******t i did as a kid.
Love for my mother died with that stuffed toy. As did my childhood.
Parents burnt it on a bbq and made me watch as punishment for some b******t i did as a kid.
Love for my mother died with that stuffed toy. As did my childhood.
35points
#3
Holding my dying newborn.
31points
#4
The day the person my spouse was cheating on me with, contacted me. She told him we were divorced, he found out we weren't, and he was feeling massive guilt. It wasn't his fault. I don't hold it against him and I'm eternally greatful for his honesty.
31points
#5
February 6th 2024 when I found my eldest daughter d**d in bed with her 18mth old baby cuddling her,asleep. She had fallen "asleep" hugging him. I failed to revive her and I know the best part of me died that night.
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30points
#6
When I was SA'd by a family friend when I was only 9 or 10. And then my parents continued to stay friends with the guy and his family even after I reported it. Felt like my whole childhood ended that night.
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30points
#7
My wife died. Might as well have gone with her. It’s been years never could fill the void.
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29points
#8
Coming back from Iraq and realizing that the propaganda wasn’t true and I wasn’t the “hero” I thought I was at 19.
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26points
#9
When my mom, suffering from dementia, said to me "Your face looks familiar". That's when I knew my mom was d**d and we would just have to wait for her body to admit it, which took about a year.
25points
#10
I remember I was tasked, not asked, to cook dinner for like 30+ people on a family vacation. I prepped everything and was again tasked with making mac and cheese for my sister's kids. I cooked chicken, mushrooms, and burgers on a tiny a*s grill as it started to rain. No one kept me company. No one even held open the door or offered me a beer. I was the help and saw a party going on inside... and to top it all off? When I was done and cooked everything *perfectly?*. Main meal, sides, veggies, a dessert? They didn't even save me a seat or say thank you. I think I got maybe one "tastes good".... I love to cook and this/some other events means I don't think I'll cook for my family ever again.
25points
#11
The evening in which my husband took his own life. He was a logger and a log-truck driver and he got into an accident one day (not his fault). The accident ruined his lower spine and surgery didn't help.
So he sat around in pain every day.
This was a man who loved the outdoors: hunting, fishing, and just traipsing around in the back country with his dog, Spanky.
Well, one evening at 8:39 pm he just decided that he'd had enough. Took a .45 and sh*t himself through the left ear.
I was there when he did it. I saw him do it. In a way it was a huge relief. But it's been 20 years and I miss him every day.
So he sat around in pain every day.
This was a man who loved the outdoors: hunting, fishing, and just traipsing around in the back country with his dog, Spanky.
Well, one evening at 8:39 pm he just decided that he'd had enough. Took a .45 and sh*t himself through the left ear.
I was there when he did it. I saw him do it. In a way it was a huge relief. But it's been 20 years and I miss him every day.
24points
#12
My ex wife came out as gay. Completely blindsided. She used me for health insurance and to get her masters degree. Admitted that that was the case and that she had been having an affair with a woman I worked with.
She had no remorse for lying to me for 9 years, destroyed my home life, destroyed my professional life, took my son and just moved out.
Left a note on the dining room table. I was distraught, almost took my life. My dad drove 16 hours to come stay with me for a month.
20 years later and I still have trust issues.
Edit: not that it matters but last I knew she lived with her aging mother with dementia and is miserable. We still have mutual friends.
She had no remorse for lying to me for 9 years, destroyed my home life, destroyed my professional life, took my son and just moved out.
Left a note on the dining room table. I was distraught, almost took my life. My dad drove 16 hours to come stay with me for a month.
20 years later and I still have trust issues.
Edit: not that it matters but last I knew she lived with her aging mother with dementia and is miserable. We still have mutual friends.
23points
#13
The day someone sent me a local news article with a big pic of my dad's face. "Local man arrested for posting child p**n".
22points
#14
October, 25, 2016 - the day my uncle (my role model) died he always made sure that no matter how bad my life was when I wasn't with him that I had a safe space to be a kid when i was with him. I never got to thank him for that when he was alive.
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22points
#15
April 14th 1998, when i found my mother d**d on the kitchen floor, i was 12.
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22points
#16
March 2024, single, no friends for thousands of miles, no family residing within a 6 hour drive. Best dog I’ll ever know was reaching the end of her months long battle with cancer. I made the call and got her on the schedule for at-home euthanasia for the next morning. I proceeded to unravel and didn’t sleep that night. I broke down many times, especially when laying out dog beds on my back porch where she could be comfortable during her last moments. I’ve never been hysterical before, unable to breathe or compose myself, until that day.
She bounced back and the next morning she was much, much better. I canceled the appointment. I never got better though. Something had changed.
We had a few more months together until I had to do it all over again, and there was no going back. Friday, June 21, 2024 obliterated me. And Monday my company announced they were laying off the entire engineering department which sent me in to a downward spiral.
Turns out the bonds you form with pets, particularly when you’re a bit of a loner, prioritizing your career over friendships and relationships, make the losses very difficult. Gee, who could have thought.
The hundreds of solo camping trips all over the country. Just my two dogs and myself. The joy they brought me to balance out an otherwise miserable existence. The nights in negative temperatures freezing with them huddled beside me miles away from civilization. I miss it. It’s been almost two years and it still s***s to reflect on.
And when you’ve lived that kind of life, the layoff announcement - a sign that your loyalty meant nothing, that you could have sought a better work/life balance and made normal life experiences like losing a beloved pet more tolerable, feels like pouring cement over your grave.
TL;DR pet loss will f**k you up when the best part about your life is the companionship you have in dogs that simply can’t be with you forever.
She bounced back and the next morning she was much, much better. I canceled the appointment. I never got better though. Something had changed.
We had a few more months together until I had to do it all over again, and there was no going back. Friday, June 21, 2024 obliterated me. And Monday my company announced they were laying off the entire engineering department which sent me in to a downward spiral.
Turns out the bonds you form with pets, particularly when you’re a bit of a loner, prioritizing your career over friendships and relationships, make the losses very difficult. Gee, who could have thought.
The hundreds of solo camping trips all over the country. Just my two dogs and myself. The joy they brought me to balance out an otherwise miserable existence. The nights in negative temperatures freezing with them huddled beside me miles away from civilization. I miss it. It’s been almost two years and it still s***s to reflect on.
And when you’ve lived that kind of life, the layoff announcement - a sign that your loyalty meant nothing, that you could have sought a better work/life balance and made normal life experiences like losing a beloved pet more tolerable, feels like pouring cement over your grave.
TL;DR pet loss will f**k you up when the best part about your life is the companionship you have in dogs that simply can’t be with you forever.
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22points
#17
When my best friend of more than a decade uninvited me to her wedding, about 3 weeks before the day.
We were clearly at different levels of friendship, and I've never forgotten how awful it felt to realize that while she was my best friend of more than a decade I was merely someone she knew. I've never viewed friendships the same, that pain haunts me still.
About 5 years after that she messaged me literally asking "why aren't we friends anymore?". I was so unimportant that she actually forgot that she had uninvited me and that we had a huge fight about it and that we stopped talking because of it.
We were clearly at different levels of friendship, and I've never forgotten how awful it felt to realize that while she was my best friend of more than a decade I was merely someone she knew. I've never viewed friendships the same, that pain haunts me still.
About 5 years after that she messaged me literally asking "why aren't we friends anymore?". I was so unimportant that she actually forgot that she had uninvited me and that we had a huge fight about it and that we stopped talking because of it.
21points
#18
Walked in on my dad crying alone in the garage after my mom left. never said a word about it. neither did he. i was 11 and something in me just... understood the world differently after that.
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21points
#19
The day I realized some friendships were only alive because I kept putting in all the effort.
20points
#20
February 16 2024. When she told me: "Go talk about your feelings with someone who cares. I am not that person".
20points