There are things you just don’t ask over dinner. But online? Anything goes.
Women of Reddit took full advantage of this, dropping the spiciest, most awkward, and boldly honest questions they’d been dying to ask men. And with no names attached, they got unfiltered answers from those ready to spill the truth.
Check out some of the most eye-opening ones below, and don’t miss our conversation with love and relationship coach Jessica Elizabeth Opert on how women can build confidence in their dating lives.
#1
I know it’s the trend to have big lips, but do you think thin lips are attractive. Thoughts on lips with filler vs naturally thin lips.
Raspberries2: I think big lips from injections look deformed.
[deleted]: Natural is ALWAYS best. Nails. Eyelashes. Bewbs. Everything.
NinjaDi**khead: Thin or big lips are both good. I prefer thin lips rather than unnatural big lips (they just move weird, and it's very noticeable despite what your surgeon told you).
Raspberries2: I think big lips from injections look deformed.
[deleted]: Natural is ALWAYS best. Nails. Eyelashes. Bewbs. Everything.
NinjaDi**khead: Thin or big lips are both good. I prefer thin lips rather than unnatural big lips (they just move weird, and it's very noticeable despite what your surgeon told you).
61points
#2
If the girl makes the first move, does it turns you off or not?
actuallyanicehuman: Having a girl who owns her power is hot. Definitely sexy.
VersedFlame: If a girl made a first move on me I'd probably be stunned for the entirety of that day and only thinking about her.
actuallyanicehuman: Having a girl who owns her power is hot. Definitely sexy.
VersedFlame: If a girl made a first move on me I'd probably be stunned for the entirety of that day and only thinking about her.
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58points
#3
If married , do you find it easy to stay faithful? If single, would you give up multiple partners for one woman forever?
Fencius: Married ten years next July. It’s not hard to stay faithful, and if anything it’s gotten easier over time. My life with my wife is too important to s***w around with.
IJourden: Married, and it’s easy to stay faithful.
If someone is struggling with it there could be a lot of reasons:
the relationship is in bad shape/lacks intimacy and validation
a pathological problem, like low self esteem, narcissism, self destructive, compulsive or risk taking behavior.
not valuing the relationship or trying to wreck it
not being in the right kind of relationship dynamic, such as being monogamous when they would prefer polyamory
But yeah… If you’re honest with yourself, honest with your partner, and in a healthy relationship with good communication, being faithful to the dynamics of the relationship is not difficult.
Fencius: Married ten years next July. It’s not hard to stay faithful, and if anything it’s gotten easier over time. My life with my wife is too important to s***w around with.
IJourden: Married, and it’s easy to stay faithful.
If someone is struggling with it there could be a lot of reasons:
the relationship is in bad shape/lacks intimacy and validation
a pathological problem, like low self esteem, narcissism, self destructive, compulsive or risk taking behavior.
not valuing the relationship or trying to wreck it
not being in the right kind of relationship dynamic, such as being monogamous when they would prefer polyamory
But yeah… If you’re honest with yourself, honest with your partner, and in a healthy relationship with good communication, being faithful to the dynamics of the relationship is not difficult.
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49points
Women today have more freedom in dating than ever before. That doesn’t mean the challenges or lingering biases have disappeared, but if they choose to openly pursue someone, they’re unlikely to draw shocked stares. Still, research shows that just because they can, doesn’t mean they do.
A survey by Match.com found that most single men actually prefer when women take the initiative—95% are in favor of women making the first move for a kiss, 93% want them to initiate sex, and 95% appreciate it when a woman asks for their number. Yet in reality, only 29% of women go for the first kiss, just 23% initiate sex, and only 13% ask for a man's number.
If men are so enthusiastic, why aren’t more women stepping up? Love and relationship coach Jessica Elizabeth Opert shared her thoughts with Bored Panda:
“Both men and women in today’s dating scene are experiencing lower levels of resilience to rejection,” she explained. “Dating is seen as a high-stakes, risky business, and of course, heartbreak is a terrible experience. However, we have become so focused on that possibly distressing eventual outcome that even the first message on a dating app is treated with the same caution.”
#4
Does a girl burping, farting, snorting etc really not bother you? A lot of guys say they don't but I know some who do.
Omg_a_wee_todd: Nope, I've been with my G/F for 2 years now and every morning we cut an air biscuit and fist bump the other person. However... We have a mutual understanding no heads will be forced under the covers... She doesn't have my Reddit account so I can say this, I cannot wait to propose in March!
Update!: There were a few things that came up (hence the wait), but she said yes! Also, I should clarify it's most mornings we both fart, at least one of us, but not always both. Hope y'all find the same happiness I have.
TheeFryingDutchman: Nope. It's a sign that you are comfortable enough around me. So I always love it when a girl just let's it fly.
Omg_a_wee_todd: Nope, I've been with my G/F for 2 years now and every morning we cut an air biscuit and fist bump the other person. However... We have a mutual understanding no heads will be forced under the covers... She doesn't have my Reddit account so I can say this, I cannot wait to propose in March!
Update!: There were a few things that came up (hence the wait), but she said yes! Also, I should clarify it's most mornings we both fart, at least one of us, but not always both. Hope y'all find the same happiness I have.
TheeFryingDutchman: Nope. It's a sign that you are comfortable enough around me. So I always love it when a girl just let's it fly.
47points
#5
Do you have an urge to moan during sexual activity and hold it back due to some societal bs (or some other reason) or do you just not get that urge as much as women? Stereotyping vs legitimate differences
Edit: the Vibe I'm getting from this is there's no one answer to this and every man is different. Well no duh. That's a great discovery.
But now I'm wondering how many women do it out of urge vs for the benefit of their partner. Sensing a theme here.
MrDownhillRacer: I don't get the urge to moan at all. I pretty much have to remind myself to make sounds because I've read all that "women like it when you make sounds" stuff. I don't know how believable I'm being.
Wagemage314: I was silent for many years. Wife said she wanted feedback. Turns out, Primal Growls are what I was suppressing. Deep and guttural. Bear like. She likes.
Edit: the Vibe I'm getting from this is there's no one answer to this and every man is different. Well no duh. That's a great discovery.
But now I'm wondering how many women do it out of urge vs for the benefit of their partner. Sensing a theme here.
MrDownhillRacer: I don't get the urge to moan at all. I pretty much have to remind myself to make sounds because I've read all that "women like it when you make sounds" stuff. I don't know how believable I'm being.
Wagemage314: I was silent for many years. Wife said she wanted feedback. Turns out, Primal Growls are what I was suppressing. Deep and guttural. Bear like. She likes.
45points
#6
I’m very self conscious of being naked with a guy for the first time, I have a very large scar in one of my breasts from when I had a lump removed like two years ago. Do guys care about that sort of thing? I am trying to make the scar look nicer but it’s hard to make it go away completely and I’m worried that it might turn some guys off, especially considering I really like having my b**bs played with or like sucked on. Sorry if TMI 😭.
NinjasVenom: I don’t. Scars tell someone’s story and how they are there and if you are scared of showing people the scar and you showed me the scar while being naked I’d feel honored that you trusted me that much with your body.
M-F-W: I dated a woman with breast reduction surgery who was really self-conscious about the scars. They weren’t particularly noticeable but could definitely tell when I was uhhh all up in her business, so to speak.
I did appreciate her letting me know that she was self conscious and she appreciated me being gentle in return. By the end of our relationship, I’d kiss the scars as foreplay and stuff (that was over the course of a couple years and was very much consensual, I wouldn’t just jump straight to scar-play lol).
TLDR: You’re good. We’re all self-conscious about something. You can tell your partner you’re self conscious ahead of time and their response will actually tell you plenty. Someone one who isn’t mindful/respectful of that isn’t worth your time, in bed or in romance.
NinjasVenom: I don’t. Scars tell someone’s story and how they are there and if you are scared of showing people the scar and you showed me the scar while being naked I’d feel honored that you trusted me that much with your body.
M-F-W: I dated a woman with breast reduction surgery who was really self-conscious about the scars. They weren’t particularly noticeable but could definitely tell when I was uhhh all up in her business, so to speak.
I did appreciate her letting me know that she was self conscious and she appreciated me being gentle in return. By the end of our relationship, I’d kiss the scars as foreplay and stuff (that was over the course of a couple years and was very much consensual, I wouldn’t just jump straight to scar-play lol).
TLDR: You’re good. We’re all self-conscious about something. You can tell your partner you’re self conscious ahead of time and their response will actually tell you plenty. Someone one who isn’t mindful/respectful of that isn’t worth your time, in bed or in romance.
42points
Feelings of rejection or even shame, especially for women, can persist through many stages of a relationship—particularly when intimacy comes into play. As a result, they may hold back from expressing their true feelings, avoid voicing concerns, or hesitate to communicate when sex isn’t enjoyable.
Studies show that anywhere from 15.2% to 50.4% of women aren’t satisfied with their sex lives. Only 36% have never faked an orgasm, and sexual dissatisfaction is cited as a factor in 50% of divorces. In fact, women consistently report lower sexual satisfaction compared to men.
“Our society has told, and often still tells, women that our sexual pleasure and veracity are shameful,” said Opert. “This is reaffirmed by politics that directly tell us even our bodies, and the decisions we will ultimately carry the largest responsibility for, are not ours to make.”
#7
If I thought you were hot and I wanted to approach you, what would be the best way to go about it?! I like want to meet more men, but idk how to approach them.
NinjaD**khead: When I was 14, a girl passing by raised her head and said "you are very handsome". I am 40 now, and I still remember what I was wearing, how she looked like, how her friends looked like... that's how unusual it is for us.
So yeah, be straight forward, but not too blunt, because we might think it's a joke.
Come talk to us, that's all it takes.
Fulminero: We CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT get "hints".
"Hey, I think you're attractive, wanna chat?"
DizzyNerd: Unless he’s the guy who thinks he’s gods gift to women, he likely doesn’t know someone is into him. We’re naïve and society has taught us to be somehow. So many guys I know had no idea. He may be secretly hoping but is internally freaking out and doesn’t wanna s***w it up.
Say hi. Get to know him. If it’s worth it after that, say something if he doesn’t make it obvious first.
NinjaD**khead: When I was 14, a girl passing by raised her head and said "you are very handsome". I am 40 now, and I still remember what I was wearing, how she looked like, how her friends looked like... that's how unusual it is for us.
So yeah, be straight forward, but not too blunt, because we might think it's a joke.
Come talk to us, that's all it takes.
Fulminero: We CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT get "hints".
"Hey, I think you're attractive, wanna chat?"
DizzyNerd: Unless he’s the guy who thinks he’s gods gift to women, he likely doesn’t know someone is into him. We’re naïve and society has taught us to be somehow. So many guys I know had no idea. He may be secretly hoping but is internally freaking out and doesn’t wanna s***w it up.
Say hi. Get to know him. If it’s worth it after that, say something if he doesn’t make it obvious first.
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39points
#8
How often are unwanted public boners an actual issue?
HyperWolfe: As a young teenager in school they were annoying, 99 percent of the time you aren't even turned on, like a light breeze could go past the front of your pants and it was an instant b***r, now as an adult you don't get them very often and by now you know multiple ways of hiding them. In a weird way I almost miss getting random boners
candyflip93: You learn how to deal with it by aging, so not that often anymore. It used to be really funny, taking the bus and miss your station bcz you're waiting for your stiffy ti f**k off.
JosephFDawson: There are 3 kinds of elections
some are sexual.
some occur during periods of nervous tension.
and there's mysterious 3rd kind that no one really understands. It happens when your schlong decides to take matters into its own hands. No reason b***r.
HyperWolfe: As a young teenager in school they were annoying, 99 percent of the time you aren't even turned on, like a light breeze could go past the front of your pants and it was an instant b***r, now as an adult you don't get them very often and by now you know multiple ways of hiding them. In a weird way I almost miss getting random boners
candyflip93: You learn how to deal with it by aging, so not that often anymore. It used to be really funny, taking the bus and miss your station bcz you're waiting for your stiffy ti f**k off.
JosephFDawson: There are 3 kinds of elections
some are sexual.
some occur during periods of nervous tension.
and there's mysterious 3rd kind that no one really understands. It happens when your schlong decides to take matters into its own hands. No reason b***r.
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33points
#9
Can you actually feel us clenching around the d**k?
BlademasterFlash: And it feels amazing
arothmanmusic: Depends on the girl and her kegels. I once dated a girl who could literally prevent me from pulling out if she wanted to.
jakeb71097: Yes one of my exes and I were in bed for the first time and I got her to climax and it took me by surprise the amount of power she had in that muscle
BlademasterFlash: And it feels amazing
arothmanmusic: Depends on the girl and her kegels. I once dated a girl who could literally prevent me from pulling out if she wanted to.
jakeb71097: Yes one of my exes and I were in bed for the first time and I got her to climax and it took me by surprise the amount of power she had in that muscle
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32points
So it’s no surprise that for many women, the safest place to ask men honest and unfiltered questions—without fear of judgment—is anonymously online.
However, avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t prevent heartbreak; it only postpones it. If we never speak up about what bothers us or share what we truly want, we end up settling for less.
And if someone rejects us, that’s not a failure—it’s just proof they weren’t the right person. After all, why invest time in someone who doesn’t care about our pleasure, interests, or needs?
“My entire coaching ethos is about empowering women to be in the driver’s seat of their romantic lives,” said Opert. With her clients, she helps them recognize that they are just as worthy of choosing as they are of being chosen. “If we have the mindset of ‘What will they like about me?’ instead of ‘What do I actually like about this person I’m on a date with?’ it places women in a powerless position.”
But you do have power. Taking control of your love life starts with how you see yourself. So next time you go on a date, try changing your perspective—focus on what you want. And if you’re struggling, consider talking to a professional. Just don’t sell yourself short.
#10
How do I tell if a guy is being genuine? Sometimes I feel like men just tell me what I want to hear in order to sleep with me and will fake literally everything including the stuff they like. I need help with figuring out what their intentions are especially if they are not being honest.
[deleted]: My suggestion is to first ask them about what things they like. Not only are you learning about their interests as I hope they are learning yours, but you are also learning how they emote when talking about something they have real feelings about.
Ditto for asking about things they dislike or hate.
I'm an autistic male and gauging genuine-ness is hard for me. And what I learn about one person never seems to translate into a general skill I can apply to others.
I've learned to deliberately invoke something I know they will be genuine about first and then compare subsequent interactions to that.
McRibEater: Watch out for guys who say all the right things. The biggest players I know are also the ones who really put it on early. Most guys who really like you are nervous to start off like you are.
RavenousIron: I'm gonna keep it a buck with you. If you are meeting most guys on dating apps, 90% of them are strictly looking to get laid. They will tell you every trick in the book to get this done, and yes that means playing the genuine card. I'd suggest being up front with guys that you meet and telling them that you are looking for something more serious. That is usually a good way to see if they just want a quick f**k or actually want to put in the work.
[deleted]: My suggestion is to first ask them about what things they like. Not only are you learning about their interests as I hope they are learning yours, but you are also learning how they emote when talking about something they have real feelings about.
Ditto for asking about things they dislike or hate.
I'm an autistic male and gauging genuine-ness is hard for me. And what I learn about one person never seems to translate into a general skill I can apply to others.
I've learned to deliberately invoke something I know they will be genuine about first and then compare subsequent interactions to that.
McRibEater: Watch out for guys who say all the right things. The biggest players I know are also the ones who really put it on early. Most guys who really like you are nervous to start off like you are.
RavenousIron: I'm gonna keep it a buck with you. If you are meeting most guys on dating apps, 90% of them are strictly looking to get laid. They will tell you every trick in the book to get this done, and yes that means playing the genuine card. I'd suggest being up front with guys that you meet and telling them that you are looking for something more serious. That is usually a good way to see if they just want a quick f**k or actually want to put in the work.
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32points
#11
Do guys really care if a chick’s lowers are groomed/waxed? Or do you not care?
MacKelvey: I like some grooming. She doesn’t have to be completely bare but trimmed and maintained is always nice.
[deleted]: I prefer if it is, but can't reasonably demand it. Definitely appreciated though.
Peelfest2016: I keep my business pretty trimmed up. I’d appreciate the same. I don’t need fully shaved, but trimming is very appreciated. When my gf asked me why I even care what length it’s at if it doesn’t get completely smooth anyway, I told her “you know how you make me trim my mustache because if it gets too long the hairs go up your nose when we kiss? That’s why.”
[deleted]: A definite plus and turn on. The hair gets wet, sticky, rubs and pull.
MacKelvey: I like some grooming. She doesn’t have to be completely bare but trimmed and maintained is always nice.
[deleted]: I prefer if it is, but can't reasonably demand it. Definitely appreciated though.
Peelfest2016: I keep my business pretty trimmed up. I’d appreciate the same. I don’t need fully shaved, but trimming is very appreciated. When my gf asked me why I even care what length it’s at if it doesn’t get completely smooth anyway, I told her “you know how you make me trim my mustache because if it gets too long the hairs go up your nose when we kiss? That’s why.”
[deleted]: A definite plus and turn on. The hair gets wet, sticky, rubs and pull.
31points
#12
If you can’t finish, is it our fault?
manateewallpaper: only if you start asking mood killer questions like that right in the middle of the act.
bloodguzzlingbunny: Nope, not ever. I have been on antidepressants before that made it very difficult to orgasm. Honestly, when I am really into the person, I am just happy to be there. Not reaching the top of the hill isn't nearly as important as being with who I am traveling with.
manateewallpaper: only if you start asking mood killer questions like that right in the middle of the act.
bloodguzzlingbunny: Nope, not ever. I have been on antidepressants before that made it very difficult to orgasm. Honestly, when I am really into the person, I am just happy to be there. Not reaching the top of the hill isn't nearly as important as being with who I am traveling with.
30points
#13
I'm a very pale woman but my b*tt and v*lva area are pretty dark.
Even the line for my b**tcrack is dark.
Is this gross to you guys? LOL.
maybehun: This is very very normal by the way. It’s from hormones. Most people have darker genitalia.
ProsperoFinch: As long as the skin is clean, and there are no abnormal smells, we don’t care. If you’re doing stuff with us, we are happy to be there. We are so happy to be there with you, to see you naked, to feel your skin against ours, to experience pleasure with you.
Anyone who is grossed out by your unique traits isn’t someone you want to be with anyway, so if they ditch you or dump you over it, then they’ve filtered themselves out for you. Those kinds of people are f**kheads who don’t deserve to get f**ked in the fun way.
Even the line for my b**tcrack is dark.
Is this gross to you guys? LOL.
maybehun: This is very very normal by the way. It’s from hormones. Most people have darker genitalia.
ProsperoFinch: As long as the skin is clean, and there are no abnormal smells, we don’t care. If you’re doing stuff with us, we are happy to be there. We are so happy to be there with you, to see you naked, to feel your skin against ours, to experience pleasure with you.
Anyone who is grossed out by your unique traits isn’t someone you want to be with anyway, so if they ditch you or dump you over it, then they’ve filtered themselves out for you. Those kinds of people are f**kheads who don’t deserve to get f**ked in the fun way.
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29points
#14
Do you guys REALLY enjoy going down on us, or do you just deal?
Ilmioaccount18piu: Do you really enjoy having a d**k in your mouth? It depends of course, but if the person giving or*l is enjoying it, the person who receives it will clearly notice.
arothmanmusic: Yes, absolutely. It’s one of my most favorite things in the world.
Ilmioaccount18piu: Do you really enjoy having a d**k in your mouth? It depends of course, but if the person giving or*l is enjoying it, the person who receives it will clearly notice.
arothmanmusic: Yes, absolutely. It’s one of my most favorite things in the world.
28points
#15
Is the s*x different with a girl you don’t want to see again and a girl you do? Is the intimacy different, the lead up etc?
RandeKnight: Just making out with someone I love is better than monkey s*x with a stranger.
MacKelvey: Yes. I’m much more bold with a woman I know I’ll never see again.
RandeKnight: Just making out with someone I love is better than monkey s*x with a stranger.
MacKelvey: Yes. I’m much more bold with a woman I know I’ll never see again.
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26points
#16
For my first time, this guy after we had done the deed; 1.Didn’t clean up his mess 2.Started pointing out my flaws “Your chest has a lot of acne, your veins are oddly blue, your knees look weird”. Is this normal? I personally was offended and that made my first time horrible.
ProsperoFinch: Dude was a massive a**hole, and I’m sorry your first time was a negative experience. You deserve better. Hopefully your future experiences will be much more loving and uplifting.
ChunksMcGoo: Sounds like they're either really insecure about themselves and that's them coping with it orrr they're an a**hole.
ProsperoFinch: Dude was a massive a**hole, and I’m sorry your first time was a negative experience. You deserve better. Hopefully your future experiences will be much more loving and uplifting.
ChunksMcGoo: Sounds like they're either really insecure about themselves and that's them coping with it orrr they're an a**hole.
26points
#17
I have a very ethnic background and while that means people may find me especially unique/attractive it does mean that I’m “hairy” nothing too crazy
but I grow a few hairs around my nipples- overall I have a nice chest but there is a bit of scarring from plucking/hair removal (I have ocd ha) …is that a turn off? I’m working on healing and keeping things moisturized 😭.
packersfan823: If your partner finds a couple small scars or a couple hairs revolting, the problem isn't with you, the problem is with your partner. I'm just happy to see b**bs.
but I grow a few hairs around my nipples- overall I have a nice chest but there is a bit of scarring from plucking/hair removal (I have ocd ha) …is that a turn off? I’m working on healing and keeping things moisturized 😭.
packersfan823: If your partner finds a couple small scars or a couple hairs revolting, the problem isn't with you, the problem is with your partner. I'm just happy to see b**bs.
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26points
#18
Does eye contact actually make a difference when we're giving h*ad?
conquer69: Yes... until I remember I look like a thumb from that angle.
PatchTheLurker: There's a chance that this is just for me, but, eye contact during ANYTHING is sexy. Eye contact while I'm inside? (in any way, really) Fast pass to c*m town. Eye contact while you sexy talk and all clothes still on? Fast pass to c*m town. Eye contact when she tells me "you're REALLY good at Mario kart and I hate it"? You guessed it baby, c*m town.
conquer69: Yes... until I remember I look like a thumb from that angle.
PatchTheLurker: There's a chance that this is just for me, but, eye contact during ANYTHING is sexy. Eye contact while I'm inside? (in any way, really) Fast pass to c*m town. Eye contact while you sexy talk and all clothes still on? Fast pass to c*m town. Eye contact when she tells me "you're REALLY good at Mario kart and I hate it"? You guessed it baby, c*m town.
23points
#19
Where do you put your b*lls when you ride a bike?
AdamBomb_RB: I ride a bike daily at school and I've never once thought about that, lol.
But for a more detailed answer, they don't really "get in the way" 'cause our, uh, genitals are, like, more forward/higher up than womens', so when we sit down our b*lls are, like, between our legs, and on a bike, or any seat for that matter, the actual part making contact with the seat is just your a**.
candyflip93: Not kidding, I don't even know how I manage that, like when I really want to find out and do it manually, it doesn't work and hurts a lot. The only way is to just do it and leave the rest to your b*lls memory.
AdamBomb_RB: I ride a bike daily at school and I've never once thought about that, lol.
But for a more detailed answer, they don't really "get in the way" 'cause our, uh, genitals are, like, more forward/higher up than womens', so when we sit down our b*lls are, like, between our legs, and on a bike, or any seat for that matter, the actual part making contact with the seat is just your a**.
candyflip93: Not kidding, I don't even know how I manage that, like when I really want to find out and do it manually, it doesn't work and hurts a lot. The only way is to just do it and leave the rest to your b*lls memory.
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23points
#20
Are you looking at my b***hole when you do it from behind?
dnaoriginal: If lights are on, yes, if lights are off, yes.
NotBearhound: Focusing on the whole, not the hole.
Idaho_In_Uranus: I can see it, but I’m not necessarily looking at it. I’m more focused on the jiggle of the buns and my stroke point. The b***hole is just kinda in the periphery.
dnaoriginal: If lights are on, yes, if lights are off, yes.
NotBearhound: Focusing on the whole, not the hole.
Idaho_In_Uranus: I can see it, but I’m not necessarily looking at it. I’m more focused on the jiggle of the buns and my stroke point. The b***hole is just kinda in the periphery.
22points