“I Went Silent For A Minute After Reading This”: 45 Times People Realized Their SO Is An Idiot

"It's incredibly common for people to put their romantic partner on a pedestal, especially in the early phases of a relationship," Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University in New York City, told Bored Panda.

"This makes sense because we often make great investments into our romantic partners, in the context of the time, energy, money, and [other] resources we devote to them."

"In turn, we tend to over-index on their level of excellence as a way to validate our 'investment' decision, not only to others but also ourselves. Your choice of a romantic partner is one of the biggest decisions you’ll make in life, and it’s not only understandable, but evolutionarily essential to survival to want acceptance from the tribe," Dr. Romanoff, who also posts interesting psychology-related content on her Instagram account, explained.

According to the psychologist, people also tend to have sky-high expectations for love. "They often believe being in a relationship will be the ultimate key to happiness, which simply isn’t true. Real relationships take work. True love means really seeing and accepting the flaws and imperfections in your partner."

Dr. Romanoff said our society feeds us the fantasy that life will be incredible when we find our life partner, so when you finally form a relationship with someone, you may try to pump them up into an ideal partner to maintain that illusion.

"When you realize another person can never be responsible for your happiness, and every individual comes with ... flaws, disillusionment is inevitable," she added. "Many transmute that disillusionment into idealization, as they move into a sheltered fantasy world."

You and your partner don't have to be perfect for each other in order to have a shot at the happily ever after. But you do need to share a vision.

"Compatibility is essential to stable, long-lasting relationships," Dr. Romanoff said. "The most important factors are shared values, communication styles, beliefs, and interests. No two people are identical in these realms, and all couples go through growing pains of learning about each other and how they can compromise when their styles diverge."

"Life is hard and filled with many unexpected challenges, and while love can sustain a strong spark in the beginning, compatibility and working together as a team are what will determine the quality and longevity of your relationship."

A 2023 study published in Personality and Individual Differences supports this notion.

Researchers asked participants to rank 153 characteristics (for example, morals, humor, intelligence, etc.) in terms of which they would like to share similarity with their romantic partner the most. (This question was asked regarding both long- and short-term relationships.)

The results produced a list of 24 compatibility dimensions that ended up considerably higher than others. They were: lifestyle, opinions, emotions, origins, sociality, romanticism, morals, family, food, sensation, class, religion, conformity, leisure, appearance, job, conflict, empathy, humor, residence, speech, intellect, enthusiasm, and activity.

The data revealed that the most important compatibility characteristic was having similar viewpoints on important issues such as sexism, abortion, the death penalty, and gender roles — generally speaking, participants wanted increased similarity on characteristics important for raising children.

Men preferred having similar activities and emotions, whereas women were more inclined towards partners with similar lifestyles, opinions, morals, levels of conformity, appearance, and empathy.

So when you think about it, the occasional slip-up, even when it makes you doubt if your partner is the sharpest tool in the shed, isn't necessarily something to worry about. It's the trajectory of your relationship that matters.

But if there is something they do that annoys you and you want to address it, don't rush. Pick your battles. Dr. Romanoff said, try to identify if this is worth bringing up or if you’re influenced by situational factors, like your tiredness, hunger, or frustration.

"If this is an important topic that you want to bring up, then determine a safe time to discuss it—not in the heat of an argument or when in public around friends or loved ones," she suggested. "Wait until you both feel safe, calm, and at ease to politely use 'I' statements to share how you feel about their behavior."

"Avoid any statement that starts with 'you' as this will trigger a defensive stance and result in a game of 'find the bad guy.' Instead, share your more tender and vulnerable feelings of how their behavior made you feel, so they understand your hurt, and then suggest a realistic, actionable step for them to work on in the future."