One of the best parts of any romantic relationship is slowly getting to know your significant other. However, some behavioral quirks and oddities might not reveal themselves until later in your dating history, when you move in or get married.
Married people who said “I do” to someone from a different country opened up online about the mild cultural shocks that they felt once they got to know their spouses even better. We’ve curated the best stories so you can read all about their experiences.
#1
My husband is Canadian.
**Universal Healthcare comes up a lot.**
My super conservative uncle tried to get a rise out of my SIL.
"How does it feel paying for everybody else's health care?"
My SIL replied,
"I'm glad that my neighbors and coworkers have health care no matter what. If they lose their job they still have treatment for their cancer or anything else that comes up. Why would I hate that?"
He was stunned to silence and I loved it! 🥰.
**Universal Healthcare comes up a lot.**
My super conservative uncle tried to get a rise out of my SIL.
"How does it feel paying for everybody else's health care?"
My SIL replied,
"I'm glad that my neighbors and coworkers have health care no matter what. If they lose their job they still have treatment for their cancer or anything else that comes up. Why would I hate that?"
He was stunned to silence and I loved it! 🥰.
89points
#2
American married to a Brit.
British person eats something and says ‘that’s quite nice.’
They could mean ‘this is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever tasted’ or ‘I could eat this for the rest of my life’ and *there’s no way of knowing* (though they swear there is).
Repeat with every social interaction.
British person eats something and says ‘that’s quite nice.’
They could mean ‘this is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever tasted’ or ‘I could eat this for the rest of my life’ and *there’s no way of knowing* (though they swear there is).
Repeat with every social interaction.
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49points
#3
I have a Belgian husband who could happily eat sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. He never really craves a warm meal, and he is genuinely appreciative even when you cook something very simple for him. Another thing that still surprises me is that Belgians do not eat many vegetables. They usually mash one type of vegetable into potatoes or have green beans on the side. Meat is a must at almost every meal, and there are no naturally vegan or vegetarian dishes in the cuisine.
44points
A study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences looked at what makes relationships successful and found that it is your own judgment of your relationship that says more about the quality of it than either your own or your partner’s personality. In other words, the vital things are how satisfied you feel your partner is and how appreciative you are of your partner.
“When it comes to a satisfying relationship, the partnership you build is more important than the partner you pick,” Samantha Joel, the study’s lead author and an assistant professor at Western University in London, Ontario, explained to CNN.
#4
Canadian married to an American. It’s always the small things. When we had a kid we realized we sing Head and Shoulders Knees and Toes to different melodies for example. This has resulted in mostly good natured ribbing. She disputes the way I say ‘z’ at the end of the alphabet song. I point out that she fails to complete the rhyme at the end of Itsy Bitsy Spider the way she’s says ‘again’. We have a toddler, this is our life now.
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39points
#5
Dominican/American married an Irish woman:
- They're really into curry. This blew my mind.
- They don't just offer a round of drinks, but they'll pay for dinner without telling you. Make sure you offer a round. I have a constant war with her dad and uncles over who sneaks off to pay for dinner.
- Lock-ins are my favorite thing (pub officially closes, no one is allowed in, but everyone in can enjoy drinks and live music), which goes with the fact that every pub has live music. It's either playing now, or it's on the way.
- The demographic in the pubs. 18yo sharing a pint with elderly folks to great live music. A guy with a Patek watch singing along with his mates at the same table who clearly don't make even close to as much as he does (if they do, theyre not showing it, which is kinda the point as well). Glammed-up girls that look like they're going to a Miami or NYC club queueing at the bar (waiting in line) with people dressed like they're going to work. No one cares. Everyone's having a great time. I love it.
- Girls and the tanning spray. It's...wild.
- No tabs. You pay as you go. No leaving your card (except for very few places or unless they know you well) with a tab open. No tabs.
- Cocktails come with the chaser/mixer on the side. Vodka tonic? One vodka with a small bottle of tonic. W*f...
- Huge Liverpool fanbase. Idk why Liverpool.
- Butter. It's NOT in the fridge. Ever.
- They're really into curry. This blew my mind.
- They don't just offer a round of drinks, but they'll pay for dinner without telling you. Make sure you offer a round. I have a constant war with her dad and uncles over who sneaks off to pay for dinner.
- Lock-ins are my favorite thing (pub officially closes, no one is allowed in, but everyone in can enjoy drinks and live music), which goes with the fact that every pub has live music. It's either playing now, or it's on the way.
- The demographic in the pubs. 18yo sharing a pint with elderly folks to great live music. A guy with a Patek watch singing along with his mates at the same table who clearly don't make even close to as much as he does (if they do, theyre not showing it, which is kinda the point as well). Glammed-up girls that look like they're going to a Miami or NYC club queueing at the bar (waiting in line) with people dressed like they're going to work. No one cares. Everyone's having a great time. I love it.
- Girls and the tanning spray. It's...wild.
- No tabs. You pay as you go. No leaving your card (except for very few places or unless they know you well) with a tab open. No tabs.
- Cocktails come with the chaser/mixer on the side. Vodka tonic? One vodka with a small bottle of tonic. W*f...
- Huge Liverpool fanbase. Idk why Liverpool.
- Butter. It's NOT in the fridge. Ever.
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37points
#6
When I married into a Romanian family and I started going to their parties and dinners, I had to entirely re-learn how to pace myself during a meal.
I'm used to dinner being one or two courses at most, very close together and you eat fast and finish in under 30 mins, not a big show.
With their family, you sit around and eat bread/spreads for an hour. Then they bring out the light meats, the soups, more spreads, more bread and eat that for an hour. Then the REAL dinner starts with heavy meat, potato dishes, stew dishes, more salads and spreads, etc. The dinner is a 4+ hour ordeal but I've stuffed my face in the first 20 minutes and I have to sit there twiddling my thumbs for the rest of the time while all the older generation folk get increasingly offended that I'm not eating.
I'm used to dinner being one or two courses at most, very close together and you eat fast and finish in under 30 mins, not a big show.
With their family, you sit around and eat bread/spreads for an hour. Then they bring out the light meats, the soups, more spreads, more bread and eat that for an hour. Then the REAL dinner starts with heavy meat, potato dishes, stew dishes, more salads and spreads, etc. The dinner is a 4+ hour ordeal but I've stuffed my face in the first 20 minutes and I have to sit there twiddling my thumbs for the rest of the time while all the older generation folk get increasingly offended that I'm not eating.
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34points
What this essentially means is that you should focus on how you’re engaging with your partner and whether your relationship leaves you satisfied. On the flip side, you shouldn’t focus as much on whether the person fits your type or checks all of your proverbial boxes.
According to the researchers, the relationship characteristics that best predict a person’s satisfaction were perceived partner commitment, appreciation, intimacy satisfaction, perceived partner satisfaction, and conflict.
Meanwhile, the individual characteristics that predicted their relationship satisfaction were life satisfaction, negative affect, depression, attachment avoidance, and attachment anxiety.
“It seems to me that the relationship is more than the sum of its parts. It’s that relationship dynamic itself, rather than the individuals who make up the relationship, that seems to be most important for relationship quality,” Joel told CNN.
#7
My husband does everything I say. I thought it was a "he" thing but he says it's cultural and "in Poland men serve women" (his words).
Now you might be thinking "wow, that's amazing" but I am from Spain, where women are extremely independent. This caused some discomfort early in our relationship: he'd get frustrated if I ordered furniture and built it myself, fixed my own leaky faucet, changed a lightbulb... Then when I was speaking to my (Polish) boss she told me: "You gotta give him tasks, even if you can do them yourself, because otherwise they don't feel like real men".
It also causes conflict with my mom because he insists on taking heavy shopping bags from her hands, opening doors for her, refilling her drink when we are at a restaurant... and it gets on her nerves. For her treating her like this feels patronising and like he considers her incompetent.
Now you might be thinking "wow, that's amazing" but I am from Spain, where women are extremely independent. This caused some discomfort early in our relationship: he'd get frustrated if I ordered furniture and built it myself, fixed my own leaky faucet, changed a lightbulb... Then when I was speaking to my (Polish) boss she told me: "You gotta give him tasks, even if you can do them yourself, because otherwise they don't feel like real men".
It also causes conflict with my mom because he insists on taking heavy shopping bags from her hands, opening doors for her, refilling her drink when we are at a restaurant... and it gets on her nerves. For her treating her like this feels patronising and like he considers her incompetent.
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33points
#8
South African with French husband:
- French are really strict about food and cooking. No snacking unless it’s just after work. No mixing certain ingredients together. Eating meals only at certain hours - god forbid you eat lunch after 14:00!!
- he dips his croissant or pain au chocolate like fully into his coffee, like bread and soup. I used to think it was hilarious, now I do the same 😆
- don’t EVER start a conversation with someone without saying Bonjour first.
- and then maybe this is more my culture but in South Africa we eat salty breakfast. And avocado on toast can be considered a meal! The first time I made my son avocado on toast my MIL looked at me like I was mental.
- French are really strict about food and cooking. No snacking unless it’s just after work. No mixing certain ingredients together. Eating meals only at certain hours - god forbid you eat lunch after 14:00!!
- he dips his croissant or pain au chocolate like fully into his coffee, like bread and soup. I used to think it was hilarious, now I do the same 😆
- don’t EVER start a conversation with someone without saying Bonjour first.
- and then maybe this is more my culture but in South Africa we eat salty breakfast. And avocado on toast can be considered a meal! The first time I made my son avocado on toast my MIL looked at me like I was mental.
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29points
#9
My in-laws don't own forks, so they eat whole cakes with chopsticks (everyone just digs in without slicing and serving it on separate plates)
Koreans don't have body odor, even though they don't shower every day.
Everyone can wash their hair while squatting, using a basin on the floor, without taking their clothes off. It seems like everyone, even the elderly have ridiculously flexible hipjoints.
No one uses bedsheets.
Koreans don't have body odor, even though they don't shower every day.
Everyone can wash their hair while squatting, using a basin on the floor, without taking their clothes off. It seems like everyone, even the elderly have ridiculously flexible hipjoints.
No one uses bedsheets.
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26points
What are the biggest behavioral shocks you experienced when you moved in with your partner or after you got married? Do you and your significant other come from similar cultural backgrounds or not? How do you find healthy ways to compromise and collaborate when you come from different worlds?
Share your thoughts below.
#10
Hungary: The difference in everyday life customs and schedules.
- we eat lunch at noon, lunch is the main meal of the day, breakfast and lunch are the same, i was surprised in other cultrues dinner is cooked meal
- soup is the essential part of our lives, a full meal is soup + a solid dish . What is called main dish is literally called secondary here. I was surprised soup isn't as default as it is here
- we change into home clothes when we go home, i found it surprising some people don't change clothes when they go home or they go the store in their home clothes.
- we eat lunch at noon, lunch is the main meal of the day, breakfast and lunch are the same, i was surprised in other cultrues dinner is cooked meal
- soup is the essential part of our lives, a full meal is soup + a solid dish . What is called main dish is literally called secondary here. I was surprised soup isn't as default as it is here
- we change into home clothes when we go home, i found it surprising some people don't change clothes when they go home or they go the store in their home clothes.
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25points
#11
My husband was born and raised in Belarus.
- olive oil and tomato based sauces for most dishes versus mayo and butter.
- saying “how is it going?” As a greeting but not expecting an actually proper answer. Drives him crazy. Fake politeness in general.
- love of football . It’s the first man I’ve ever met that has ZERO interest.
- the thing I love most about him: a perfect balance of being generally a very unemotional , rational guy , but also is the most genuinely kind and sweet person Ive met (especially to me and our daughter) . Most Portuguese guys are insecure, very emotional, to the point of not being a good source of support as a husband/father. Speaking from actual knowledge.
- oh a big issue we had: my husbands family spend nights over in other peoples houses without any hesitation. And they use stuff of that somebody else’s house without any thought of it might be seen as intrusive. My MIL just thought she could stay over whenever she wanted at our house without any notice, bringing strangers with her. That stopped real fast, she asks for permission and comes alone now.
- olive oil and tomato based sauces for most dishes versus mayo and butter.
- saying “how is it going?” As a greeting but not expecting an actually proper answer. Drives him crazy. Fake politeness in general.
- love of football . It’s the first man I’ve ever met that has ZERO interest.
- the thing I love most about him: a perfect balance of being generally a very unemotional , rational guy , but also is the most genuinely kind and sweet person Ive met (especially to me and our daughter) . Most Portuguese guys are insecure, very emotional, to the point of not being a good source of support as a husband/father. Speaking from actual knowledge.
- oh a big issue we had: my husbands family spend nights over in other peoples houses without any hesitation. And they use stuff of that somebody else’s house without any thought of it might be seen as intrusive. My MIL just thought she could stay over whenever she wanted at our house without any notice, bringing strangers with her. That stopped real fast, she asks for permission and comes alone now.
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25points
#12
Brit with an American hubby, other than the linguistic challenges at times, I’d say the biggest difference is table etiquette.
His whole family seem able to eat entire meals using just a fork, or when something needs cutting, switch hands while eating. Plus hold the fork the wrong way up, I’ve gotten used to it now but was odd to begin with.
His whole family seem able to eat entire meals using just a fork, or when something needs cutting, switch hands while eating. Plus hold the fork the wrong way up, I’ve gotten used to it now but was odd to begin with.
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25points
#13
My boyfriend is German and his desk is near a large window. Sometimes I use his desk and while I’m working, he would just casually walk to me, open the windows when it’s minus a million degrees outside for like ten minutes then close them. He does that twice a day. I did adopt the Stoßlüften habit in my own home now but it took a while to get used to it.
Also, he has two blankets on his bed and always complains about how he maybe should get „a huge one“ like mine, meaning, a normal two persons blanket.
Also, he has two blankets on his bed and always complains about how he maybe should get „a huge one“ like mine, meaning, a normal two persons blanket.
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24points
#14
My English wife cools her toast before buttering it. The horror.
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22points
#15
The way my in-laws (Mexican) waste NOTHING.
every last morsel of food is eaten (cleaning your plate is a must!) or saved for later (and they actually eat all the leftovers!) every plastic bag, container, elastic, twist tie is saved. my FIL has dozens of used, clean yogurt containers under his sink (complete with their lids – in a shoebox) ready for reuse. the same candles have been making an appearance on EVERYONE’s cake for god knows how many birthdays! my adorable FIL saves the little sliver of soap at the end of the bar and has aggregated them into a Frankenstein’s monster bar of soap.
(it’s not like they are impoverished, by the way. my FIL is the most frugal, if that’s what you call this, and he was the president of a prominent local university for years! “frugal” seems like the wrong word because it doesn’t capture what generous and giving people they are.)
FIL showed me a TikTok called “gringo soltero y casada con una Latina” (single gringo vs. gringo married to a Latina) satirizing this trait and I could relate to EVERY SINGLE EXAMPLE portrayed 😂.
every last morsel of food is eaten (cleaning your plate is a must!) or saved for later (and they actually eat all the leftovers!) every plastic bag, container, elastic, twist tie is saved. my FIL has dozens of used, clean yogurt containers under his sink (complete with their lids – in a shoebox) ready for reuse. the same candles have been making an appearance on EVERYONE’s cake for god knows how many birthdays! my adorable FIL saves the little sliver of soap at the end of the bar and has aggregated them into a Frankenstein’s monster bar of soap.
(it’s not like they are impoverished, by the way. my FIL is the most frugal, if that’s what you call this, and he was the president of a prominent local university for years! “frugal” seems like the wrong word because it doesn’t capture what generous and giving people they are.)
FIL showed me a TikTok called “gringo soltero y casada con una Latina” (single gringo vs. gringo married to a Latina) satirizing this trait and I could relate to EVERY SINGLE EXAMPLE portrayed 😂.
21points
#16
I was born in Britain and moved to America as a child. My wife was born in the Philippines and moved to America as a young adult. There are lots of silly differences (foods,etc), but the big culture shock was the importance my wife puts on body language. The Philippines is a h**h context body language culture…lots gets communicate through body language regardless of what words may be spoken. America (Britain too) is low context meaning I have no idea what my body language is saying and I don’t believe it says anything.
But my wife does. So if we are talking, she interprets don’t language more than words, and vice versa for me. So we are really talking different languages and after thirty years together, this can still trip us up.
But my wife does. So if we are talking, she interprets don’t language more than words, and vice versa for me. So we are really talking different languages and after thirty years together, this can still trip us up.
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21points
#17
Married 2X, a soviet russian (met and married there) and now a colombian woman (met, married and live in Colombia).
My ex, it would have to be the friends and families who came to visit but never left. Our house, 4 kids, and people sleeping all over. Sometimes a house of 12-13 people. I was the one who had to leave.
My latina wife... Family. I'm from AZ, grew up with latinos and knew it was a thing, but knowing is not the same as being in it. No room for friends when you have family. No one's bday is missed, parties which must be attended, children being born. It's one huge collective and I'm part of it whether I like it or not. Nieces, nephews, cousins, uncles, aunts and 4 godchildren. Many times I neither know who I'm talking to nor exactly how they're related, this after 15 yrs. But I love them all.
My ex, it would have to be the friends and families who came to visit but never left. Our house, 4 kids, and people sleeping all over. Sometimes a house of 12-13 people. I was the one who had to leave.
My latina wife... Family. I'm from AZ, grew up with latinos and knew it was a thing, but knowing is not the same as being in it. No room for friends when you have family. No one's bday is missed, parties which must be attended, children being born. It's one huge collective and I'm part of it whether I like it or not. Nieces, nephews, cousins, uncles, aunts and 4 godchildren. Many times I neither know who I'm talking to nor exactly how they're related, this after 15 yrs. But I love them all.
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20points
#18
I'm French and my boyfriend is Ukrainian.
The weirdest thing to me is regarding food, in France each part is separate, you have apéro, starter, main course, cheese, dessert.
While in Ukraine they usually put everything on the table and you mix a little bit of everything.
Every time we eat at the restaurant he makes fun of me cause I eat my salad before the main course while he eats it with the main course.
The weirdest thing to me is regarding food, in France each part is separate, you have apéro, starter, main course, cheese, dessert.
While in Ukraine they usually put everything on the table and you mix a little bit of everything.
Every time we eat at the restaurant he makes fun of me cause I eat my salad before the main course while he eats it with the main course.
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20points
#19
Shortly after I first met my Chinese wife, I told her I am from Spain, and she said something like "oh, your country is at the edge of the map!". I was like "no? We're right in the center?" And showed her what to me is the typical world map. Then she showed me the world map that is to her the normal one, with China in the center.
I still think I'm right because my country is basically right on the Greenwich meridian but it's really funny to argue this with her.
I still think I'm right because my country is basically right on the Greenwich meridian but it's really funny to argue this with her.
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20points
#20
I was already pretty familiar with UK culture when I moved here, but a big one was getting used to people greeting me with, "You all right?" I kept thinking, "Do I look that bad?".
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20points