When you think of it, married life seems like quite an odd thing - you choose a similarly weird person like yourself, fall in love, and decide to stay weird together for the rest of your lives. The weirdness starts to fade over time, you both get more serious (up to a point where you start to get weirder and weirder again), and you might even produce a spawn that’ll share half of you and half of your significant other. And though it might seem like a good idea and a peachy kind of path, in all truthfulness, married life is full of hilarious misunderstandings, silly miscommunications, and miserably missed signs. All of which are entirely natural, yet, at the same time, great fodder for married life jokes! To which we are dedicating this whole article, because if you don’t laugh at your woes… Well, you don’t laugh at your woes.
As stated above, these jokes will mainly discuss the three Horsemen of married life - the misunderstandings, miscommunication, and missed signs. And although those might seem like quite severe problems, those are actually often what make marriage fun and lively. You can trust me on that, since I have had my own weirdo for several years now, so talking from experience here. And if you feel that some of these relationship jokes are just too serious, you just haven’t reached that point in your marriage yet.
So, married or not, let’s find our way to the hilarious jokes, which are just an inch or so lower. You can definitely reach them by scrolling or swiping just a tiny bit, and then you’ll be able to witness these married life jokes (also appropriate for those in long-term relationships) with your very own eyes! Don’t forget to vote for the ones that struck your heartstrings and share this article with your S.O., your mom, or maybe read them out loud to your office co-workers.
#41
Man: “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
Friend: “Why not?”
Man: “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
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#42
A husband-and-wife photography team we know shoot their pictures together, do their developing and printing together—in fact, they're together 24 hours of the day. We wondered how they managed to keep up such good working relations.
"Well, frankly," the wife said, "it wouldn't work out if one of us didn't have a good disposition."
"Which one?" we asked.
"Oh," she laughed, "we take turns."
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#43
"On the first night of their honeymoon, the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she’s been able to cover up. After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his nerve and says, "I have a confession." She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, "Darling, so do I." Recoiling, he says, "Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks."" - Justin Ezzi, Wilmington, California.
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#44
"On my wedding day, my mom told my bride, “No refunds, no exchanges on sale items." - Glen Zeider
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#45
One night when I dropped in at the police station on my news beat, a large, efficient-looking woman in uniform who packed a service revolver at her waist was behind the sergeant's desk. After checking the blotter, I returned to the car, where my wife was waiting for me.
"You should see the new woman on the force," I said. "She's tremendous, and wearing a .38."
I didn't notice the silence until my wife broke it icily with, "I wear a 38."
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#46
After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to support.” Here’s what Siri sent: “You need to get back to work now; you have a has-been to support.” - John Brown, Jenks, Oklahoma
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#47
A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?” “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.” The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
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#48
"Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy" - Groucho Marx
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#49
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
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#50
I was perusing the shelves at a bookstore when a customer asked an employee where the birding section was. After pointing it out, the employee asked, “Is there anything specific you’re looking for?” “Yes,” said the customer. - "My husband". —A.H. via rd.com
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