“My New Wife Changed The Second I Said ‘I Do’”: 30 Reasons Why People Filed For Divorce In Less Than A Year, As Shared Online

To get a more professional outlook on wedlock and why it sometimes fails, Bored Panda reached out to Matt and Sarah Davies. First things first, let’s start with a little introduction: Matt and Sarah Davies are co-authors of the self-help book “You, Me and the Space Between Us: How to (Re)Build Your Relationship.” It was published in February 2023 and includes stories from their own journey through relationship therapy as well as vignettes from the clients they have worked with.

Matt Davies is a marriage counselor and psycho-sexual and relationship therapist, while Sarah Davies is a movement and somatic coach, trainer and a founding member of Open Floor movement practice. Together they blend therapeutic techniques with movement in workshops on sexuality and relationships and see clients in therapy sessions, as well as in their individual practices in London and South East in the UK.

Now, BP asked the experts why relationships fail, and they replied as follows: “Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Relationship difficulties are normal. Yet, when indifference sets in, when you or your partner don’t care about the relationship anymore, that’s trouble. An inability to manage conflict can lead to this or a breach of trust or ongoing long-term disappointment.”

We also wondered if a marriage can be saved: “Yes, together, you can save your marriage, rebuild trust, rekindle the passion and manifest love. Inevitably it will take both people to be willing for this to happen and a willingness to tolerate the vulnerability that this will require. The openness to learn to communicate, to talk and listen, and to listen not only to what is being said verbally but also non-verbally. With that will come an understanding of each other’s emotional and physical needs, and by validating that, emotional and psychological intimacy can be built.”

“Only you can know if it’s worth staying in this relationship. Suppose the problems are not about this relationship but how you are in the relationship. In that case, there is a probability that you will recreate this same relationship dynamic in your next relationship. At some point, you might feel ready or interested to stay and work through that.

There’s an 80/20 guideline. If 80% of this relationship is good enough, then it’s good enough. If the remaining 20% is a bit lacklustre, irritating or some distance from your ideal, you might find ways to forgive. If there is emotional abuse or physical violence, then leave the relationship,” Matt and Sarah added when we asked if saving a relationship is worthwhile.

We then invited our experts to share some go-to tips that might help you mend the relationship:

• “Increase your self-care. In times of relationship stress or crisis, ensure you take care of yourself. Find ways to support yourself that help you to feel resilient and grounded. To navigate the bumpy terrain, it helps to feel as safe and at home in yourself as you can be.
• Keep talking about what’s difficult. Please don’t ignore it or push it away. Admit to negative feelings or aspects of your relationship that you find challenging. If you can’t talk to your partner about it, find a therapist or someone else you can trust.
• Eliminate criticism. Behind that criticism will be something you need; find non-confrontational ways to express what you need instead of moaning, blaming or criticising. You might not get your needs met, but at least you practice saying what they are.
• Keep appreciating, even those tiny little things you’ve taken for granted, and verbalise your gratitude. Say thank you for anything you can muster some appreciation of; don’t underestimate the power of positivity!
• Maintain physical touch; if you’re not sexually intimate, don’t give up on the cuddles, hand-holding or other opportunities to be in sensual contact.”

Last but certainly not least, Matt and Sarah Davies said: “A relationship can be a safe container through which to grow, be seen, develop an ability to enjoy intimacy and reach our potential. Having a loving partner on this life journey is immensely rewarding because of the challenges, not despite them. Relationships are the hub of families, communities, and societies. If we are to find ways to improve our world and create meaningful lives for ourselves, loving relationships are at the centre of this.”

You’ve heard it a million times, but it bears repeating: what’s meant to be will always be. Every relationship goes through its struggles, but is it really worth mending something that cannot be repaired?

Bored Panda hopes that you’ve enjoyed the list and the commentary provided by our experts. Let us know which story stuck out to you the most!