Sometimes, everyone can see that a couple is not going to make it. Somehow, they still make it to their wedding, but that doesn’t mean that their marriage is going to last. In some cases, geography might predict it: for example, Washington, D.C., has the shortest average marriage length of 10.5 years, followed closely by Alaska with 16.8 years and Texas with 17.6 years.
But the stories in this list aren’t about geography: they’re about red flags that even a wedding guest could spot that screamed, “They’re going to divorce.” They come to you from a recent online thread where one netizen wrote, “As a wedding guest, what was the ‘this marriage isn’t going to last long’ moment?” From unhinged vows to the groom leaving the bride so he can go party with the boys, these marriages didn’t stand a chance.
#1
Wedding officiant here. The couples who did the smashing-cake-in-the-face thing and the couples who spent an embarrassing amount on their “dream wedding” are my couples who have split. My couples who tossed traditions, did potlucks, got married on the beach, etc are going the strongest. The more a couple forms themselves to their wedding day the lower their odds, while couples who form the wedding to their personalities and relationships do the best.
Just my anecdotal experience.
Just my anecdotal experience.
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36points
#2
When the bride told me “we can always get divorced” before walking down the aisle. I lived with them in university and they were not a compatible couple, but fell into the cost-sunk fallacy so many do.
They had 2 kids, and when they got divorced, their oldest (9 at the time) said “I’m sad we won’t share the same roof, but happy the yelling will end”.
They had 2 kids, and when they got divorced, their oldest (9 at the time) said “I’m sad we won’t share the same roof, but happy the yelling will end”.
30points
#3
When it was time for the couple to exchange vows, the groom started to say something about “bringing out a special guest,” and the bride blurted out “No, we talked about this. I will walk out.”
Apparently he wanted to have his ventriloquist dummy give his vows. He must have kept bringing out the dummy in inappropriate situations, because she left him three months later.
Apparently he wanted to have his ventriloquist dummy give his vows. He must have kept bringing out the dummy in inappropriate situations, because she left him three months later.
26points
#4
When my reaction to being told that “Mike” was engaged was …
“To a woman ?”.
“To a woman ?”.
26points
#5
The bride and groom were seated at a sweetheart table up on the stage in front of everyone. During the best man’s heartfelt speech about the groom - one of the best wedding speeches I’ve witnessed - the bride was looking down at her phone, scrolling and giggling. Everyone could see it. Groom reached over, took her phone and placed it facedown on the table.
She picked it up again and continued on.
Anytime I share this story people say it can’t be true but a bunch of guests took photos for proof. The couple is, apparently, working on a divorce (thank god, because the groom deserves someone so much nicer). .
She picked it up again and continued on.
Anytime I share this story people say it can’t be true but a bunch of guests took photos for proof. The couple is, apparently, working on a divorce (thank god, because the groom deserves someone so much nicer). .
26points
#6
The groom sent over a brown bag full of cash with the best man and asked him to stand at the door and shoo away guests on the groom's side and he never showed. Bride, after crying in the dressing room, came out and said let's party and - believe it or not - sang I Will Survive with the band. Her bridesmaids all did toasts along the lines of "you dodged a bullet" while eating all the wedding food and a great time was had by all (I was in the catering team at the time and we got to go home with bottles of wine).
26points
#7
I was a wedding videographer. I would routinely place a wireless microphone on the groom to capture the vows. In one wedding, as the bride is walking down the aisle to the awaiting groom, the groom leans towards his best man and whispers "I can still say no, I can still say no."
26points
#8
I was a plus one to a wedding reception between two of my friends coworkers.
They lasted about an hour, had a big fight and the bride stormed out. The groom left with his friends and the guests who remained enjoyed the food.
The juicy post wedding goss:
- the groom ended up drunk and sleeping with someone, he quit the job a few weeks later and about eight months later had became a father.
- the bride went on a bit of a revenge romp. She was fired after being caught in the store room with a delivery driver.
- 20 year store veteran Grilda ranked it the fourth most enjoyable work wedding in her years.
They lasted about an hour, had a big fight and the bride stormed out. The groom left with his friends and the guests who remained enjoyed the food.
The juicy post wedding goss:
- the groom ended up drunk and sleeping with someone, he quit the job a few weeks later and about eight months later had became a father.
- the bride went on a bit of a revenge romp. She was fired after being caught in the store room with a delivery driver.
- 20 year store veteran Grilda ranked it the fourth most enjoyable work wedding in her years.
24points
#9
When her self-written vows were the normal kinds of things...and his self-written vows were things like "I know that you're an incredibly insecure person, so I will do my best to deal with that." He basically listed out all of her "flaws" like he was airing dirty laundry... It was super cringe.
24points
#10
At my own wedding when my ex-husband screamed at me in front of our guests because I tried to dance with him. He reminded me in no uncertain terms that he only did the first dance to shut me up and would not be dancing with me ever again in our lives. I was mortified. We only lasted 2 years because my family pretty much forced me to stay with him and I didn't have anywhere else to go. I would have just left him that day if Mom would have let me move back home. When I filed for divorce, he refused to sign for 2 years. I moved on anyway. 10 years free now.
24points
#11
Bride had a black eye at the wedding that everyone joked was from her crazy bachelorette party. But I knew she hadn't been "allowed" to have a bachelorette party because her husband thought women going out without their man was purely for cheating. Yeah turns out he'd been giving her black eyes for a while and it only got worse when she got pregnant later. Thank goodness the marriage didn't last!
23points
#12
My friend said this at her wedding “thanks for coming guys, I love you. The reception is okay. I think my next wedding I’m going to do…” (I don’t remember what she said her next reception was gonna be), but I was like 😳 wow.
Their marriage didn’t last a year and I’m no longer friends with her.
Their marriage didn’t last a year and I’m no longer friends with her.
22points
#13
It started to rain when she started walking down the aisle. After they finished the ceremony and walked out the rain stopped. It was an outdoor wedding.
She was about to start med school and the groom speech was about what a obedient and good home maker she would be.
They got divorced a year later. Before she finished her MD she was married and pregnant with another guy. He is absolutely wonderful and I completely love him. She is happy now.
She was about to start med school and the groom speech was about what a obedient and good home maker she would be.
They got divorced a year later. Before she finished her MD she was married and pregnant with another guy. He is absolutely wonderful and I completely love him. She is happy now.
22points
#14
Groom showed up drunk and kept cracking jokes during the ceremony. The registrar had to stop things twice to remind him to take this seriously.
Later the bride was in the kitchen making a load of sandwiches and mini sausages for the reception (in her wedding dress) while the groom sat in the bar drinking heavily with his mates.
When it was time to cut the cake he was swinging the knife around pretending he was Rambo while his poor bride tried so hard to laugh and act like she was enjoying herself and not close to tears.
The marriage was measured in weeks.
Later the bride was in the kitchen making a load of sandwiches and mini sausages for the reception (in her wedding dress) while the groom sat in the bar drinking heavily with his mates.
When it was time to cut the cake he was swinging the knife around pretending he was Rambo while his poor bride tried so hard to laugh and act like she was enjoying herself and not close to tears.
The marriage was measured in weeks.
21points
#15
Two such cases:
- Groom had a health problem a couple months before the wedding and the bride wouldn't shut up about how he was riuning her wedding with his crutches
- We had a betting pool of how long the marriage would last. Not a single person in the family and friends group refused to participate or said " this is inappropriate". The Groom's father won (9 months).
- Groom had a health problem a couple months before the wedding and the bride wouldn't shut up about how he was riuning her wedding with his crutches
- We had a betting pool of how long the marriage would last. Not a single person in the family and friends group refused to participate or said " this is inappropriate". The Groom's father won (9 months).
20points
#16
I was at a wedding where I only really knew the bride. She and the groom had this rescued Rottweiler that they really loved, and they’d had him in some pretty intense training to be a "tough dog" (as the groom wouldn't stop calling him). The dog was even part of the ceremony as the ring bearer, which y’know, very cute.
But then at the reception, in the middle of the couple's first dance, a guy kicks open the door of the ballroom and charges in shouting, “Babe! I miss you! Don’t do this!” And the bride goes, “What are you doing? We're over! I don’t want to see you!” And the guy lunges at her, and suddenly the dog attacks him. It's losing its mind barking and growling, and it bites down on his arm and wrestles him to the ground.
People start screaming, I hear some kids at the table next to me crying, and the whole thing is just chaos. And then suddenly the guy stands up like nothing happened. The dog sits down, and the bride announces that this guy is their dog trainer, and this was a demonstration of the dog’s "defensive abilities". He takes a bow and shows the little padded protective thing he had on his arm under his shirt. And then he has the audacity to have the dog do a couple of normal tricks, like rolling over and barking on command.
We all kind of politely applauded; he walked out of the room, and then they finished their first dance like this was not an absolutely traumatic experience for everyone in the room. Anyway, it lasted like two years.
But then at the reception, in the middle of the couple's first dance, a guy kicks open the door of the ballroom and charges in shouting, “Babe! I miss you! Don’t do this!” And the bride goes, “What are you doing? We're over! I don’t want to see you!” And the guy lunges at her, and suddenly the dog attacks him. It's losing its mind barking and growling, and it bites down on his arm and wrestles him to the ground.
People start screaming, I hear some kids at the table next to me crying, and the whole thing is just chaos. And then suddenly the guy stands up like nothing happened. The dog sits down, and the bride announces that this guy is their dog trainer, and this was a demonstration of the dog’s "defensive abilities". He takes a bow and shows the little padded protective thing he had on his arm under his shirt. And then he has the audacity to have the dog do a couple of normal tricks, like rolling over and barking on command.
We all kind of politely applauded; he walked out of the room, and then they finished their first dance like this was not an absolutely traumatic experience for everyone in the room. Anyway, it lasted like two years.
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19points
#17
It was when the Groom left to go get drunk with his boys, and the bride was left cleaning up tables at the reception.
18points
#18
A friend’s wedding. They took the floor for what she clearly thought was a well-prepared and rehearsed first dance song.
About five seconds in, record scratch, and the song is replaced by “You’re The One For Me, Fatty” by Morrissey. The groom turns around, leaving the bride standing shellshocked in the middle on her own, and starts running in circles around the edge of the dance floor laughing and waving his arms around.
I wasn’t expecting that.
About five seconds in, record scratch, and the song is replaced by “You’re The One For Me, Fatty” by Morrissey. The groom turns around, leaving the bride standing shellshocked in the middle on her own, and starts running in circles around the edge of the dance floor laughing and waving his arms around.
I wasn’t expecting that.
18points
#19
I used to work at a big venue where we also hosted weddings. After a few years I could almost INSTANTLY tell if the marriage was in trouble. You can "just tell" (it's an aura/vibe thing) which couples are TRULY in love, it's a mutual experience, the smiles, the body language, the brides maids, groomsmen, etc. The whole scene, the whole energy was on point.
This is a direct counter to the ones where the woman (typically) is just being an obnoxious narcissist, only in it for the social media posts, the ones that refer to it as "her wedding," and all the entitled princess behavior that comes along with it. The look on the to-be husbands faces, literally cringing with embarrassment or stress. The "forced" weddings by religious or family edict were an easy spot as well.
So, chalk it up to chemistry really! I always knew when a couple "had it" if their speeches made ME choked up because I'm not the kind of guy to get all emotional. There were a handful of speeches and moments of true love that slayed me and I walked away in tears. THAT is when I knew they "had it" because for ME to get that emotional over ANYTHING takes an exceptional course of events.
This is a direct counter to the ones where the woman (typically) is just being an obnoxious narcissist, only in it for the social media posts, the ones that refer to it as "her wedding," and all the entitled princess behavior that comes along with it. The look on the to-be husbands faces, literally cringing with embarrassment or stress. The "forced" weddings by religious or family edict were an easy spot as well.
So, chalk it up to chemistry really! I always knew when a couple "had it" if their speeches made ME choked up because I'm not the kind of guy to get all emotional. There were a handful of speeches and moments of true love that slayed me and I walked away in tears. THAT is when I knew they "had it" because for ME to get that emotional over ANYTHING takes an exceptional course of events.
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18points
#20
The groom was on his phone during the vows. Not even trying to hide it. They lasted like 8 months.
18points