“She Wants Ice Cream”: 50 Men Reveal Their Marriage Cheat Codes

Being kind is better than being right.

When I feel like my wife is feeling a little down or when I feel like we’re not connecting emotionally, I will ask her about something she is passionate about and just get her talking. And I will ask questions that cannot be answered with a yes or no. She will go from sitting back with her arms folded to leaning forward, talking excitedly.

Often, people feel closer to someone simply by talking to that person and being heard. And everyone feels good talking about their favorite things.

Also, if you have something difficult to talk about, wait until they are in a good mood.

Pick the right person. Be super critical during the courting phase. Ask the tough questions and make sure you’re aligned. But once you decided to commit, that critical switch needs to flip and you need to be their biggest cheerleader. So many couples do it the other way, lovey dovey during the courting phase and then start getting critical after they committ. .

Verbally acknowledging each other’s contributions to the household. 

“Thanks for cleaning up after dinner, it looks great.”

“Thanks for taking the kids to soccer practice”

“Thanks for grabbing groceries, this is my favorite cheese” 

So on and so forth. By acknowledging each other’s day to day (and sometimes mundane) contributions, it builds appreciation and prevents animosity. It also prevents certain tasks from being “assigned” to a person with the expectation that it’s theirs forever and that’s “just how it is.”.

Keep a note on your phone for gift ideas. When she points out something she likes or wants to do, write it down in the note or snap a pic and insert it. See something you think she’d like? Write it down. Also, keep her clothing and shoe sizes in the note as well.

Also, google “mental load” and learn about the imbalances that tend to occur. Take more of it on.

During pregnancy and the first few month after childbirth I always hear men say, " There isn't much for me to do with the kid, its all her," my "cheat code" is that SHE is your responsibility during that time. Every time her belly itches YOU put lotion on, YOU get up and get her snacks, YOU rub her feet, YOU lift her belly up to release pressure on her back, YOU buy her comfortable clothes. When the baby is born, yea she has to wake up and breast feed, BUT YOU burp the baby, YOU change the diapers when you can. I did all of this s**t while being Active Duty military so it drives me up a wall when fathers and husbands make an excuse that they, "have to work" so they can't help out. Be an active parent and an active partner. Suddenly, you'll find yourself getting laid more too without begging. Its like genuinely caring is attractive or something.

Your wife is still your girlfriend. Never lose that mentality.

Relationships aren't a zero sum game, the only way to win is when you win together so approach all disagreements with that approach.

When my wife gets home and wants to talk about work or about a friend or w/e, I ask "support or suggestion". Changed my life.

My wife destresses after work by talking about her day. When we were dating, my impulse would be to "solve" whatever problem she had, which she didn't want. Years together and many fights later, we've both learned to just ask what the other needs and we both love each other, so we're happy to provide it.

Never stop “dating” your wife , kiss often.

Be each other’s biggest fan. No s**t talking about the other to anyone, ever.

When you are always looking out for and supporting each other, that creates a strong team.

1. You and your partner are a team that are working to solve your issues together. It's you two vs the issue and never you vs your partner.
2. Hardly a cheat code, but communication is the key.

When that little voice in your head says "Don't say it!!" when you are just about to say it, don't say it.

Example:

Don't ask any questions about how dinner is being prepared. Be delighted someone is making you dinner.

Don't shut her out from your problems.

If your wife asks you if you want ice cream, she wants ice cream.
Feel free to replace ice cream with anything.

Not me but my brother said he finds a lot of success by doing things around the house before she can even ask lol.

She'll be like, "Can you take out the trash?" Him: Already did it.

He used to do this to my mom when we were younger too 🤣

Edit to add: I don't care if it's considered a hack or not 🤣 Just sharing what I've heard.

Don't think of it as a "50/50" sort of relationship. Your half and my half. Think of it as 100% and 100%, each partner giving the other their all without expectation of equal return.

Separate blankets.

Been married for 13 years, together for 17. Sharing a blanket is an exercise in futility.

My husband and I start every day with a really long hug. It seemed like a big task at first, but honestly, we now go in for those hugs more than once a day, and it helped me through some really rough days. My son has watched it numerous times, and he tries to join.

Nothing is “her” job. You are a team. Unload the dish washer, fold the laundry, cook dinner etc.