Not all lies are equal. Far from it. Complete honesty is impossible, and everyone lies to a greater or lesser extent daily. However, while some fibs are semi-harmless omissions or half-truths, others have the potential to upend people’s entire lives.
An anonymous man turned to the GuyCry online group for help after going through a nightmarish situation in his family. He revealed how his stepdaughter has manipulated the people around her, ruined his life, and harmed his marriage by spreading horrible lies about him. Scroll down for the full story, including the advice the internet gave the distraught man.
Bored Panda reached out to the author to learn more about what happened and how the lies have affected his life, and he was kind enough to answer our questions. You'll find our full interview with him below. "My life has changed forever because of her actions. I am still processing everything and finding ways to work through it. I’ve dealt with her lies and the threat of divorce, but I never gave up fighting for myself and my family. In the end, that is all I want—my family," he said.
Realizing that a person you're close to is fabricating stories about you and actively harming your reputation can be devastating
Image credits: DragonImages/Envato (not the actual photo)
An anonymous man shared how his stepdaughter ruined his life by spreading horrible lies about him
Image credits: valeriygoncharukphoto/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Lynx
"We have had to remove all internet access from our daughter, which is something we never wanted to have to do"
"The lies have affected my life in numerous ways. I no longer feel safe around her, and it is very difficult to trust her. I can no longer feel safe or comfortable attending her school functions or being around her friends, without knowing what she has told any of these people," the author opened up to Bored Panda.
"She was spreading the lies for attention. I have spoken to multiple people throughout this process who have experienced very similar situations, one being a very close friend of mine. It all comes back to the child looking for attention online. As for new developments, my wife threatened to leave me at one point because she was scared I would be unable to move past the situation. I had to remind her of who the real victim was and that I had every right to be reacting the way I was, and if she left that would be letting our daughter off the hook and teaching her all the wrong things," he said.
"I have never wanted to run away or hide from these problems and have always been looking for a way to resolve them. So it still hurts the way my wife tried to handle that and is something I think about daily. In the end, my wife and I had many deep discussions about how to move forward together, and we have moved forward together. Our daughter is still living with my parents primarily, but she is being integrated back into our home two days per week, with more days being added as comfort levels rise."
Bored Panda asked the author what advice he'd give anyone who's found themselves in a similar situation, being accused of things they've never done. "In these situations, you have to be your own biggest advocate. If someone is saying something about you that isn’t true, defend yourself. Maybe you have someone in your corner, maybe you don’t. At the end of the day, you are your own biggest ally. It helps to have support around you, but never be afraid to defend yourself," he said.
According to the man, this entire experience has been incredibly painful and he believes the relationship with his daughter will never be the same again. "That is something I think about every day. After speaking with various parents who have similar experiences, I am worried about our younger generations. The age ranges are all very similar, and they are all desperate for online attention and are willing to do anything to satisfy that desire. They are not thinking of the consequences (which is understandable to an extent, they are children), but lives can be ruined by their actions. It is terrifying," the author said.
"We have had to remove all internet access from our daughter, which is something we never wanted to have to do. The world is online, and that will never change. She, and others like her, need to learn internet safety. We tried for years to guide her, but we can’t take any more chances. I want parents to be aware of the dangers the internet poses to young minds and take those threats seriously. I want our society to take those threats seriously. Social media is destroying this younger generation. We need to be educating our children on the dangers they will face online. We tried, but she didn’t care. The internet is a massive, dangerous place for children."
Image credits: Lynne Baltzer/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Pathological liars sometimes lie just because they can, but other times they have the goal of manipulating others
Verywell Mind explains that excessive and problematic lying can cause serious distress. “If someone you care about lies constantly, you may feel like you can’t keep up with all their lies and frustrated that they won’t be truthful with you. A compulsive or pathological liar needs help from a mental health professional to recognize their behavior and address any underlying conditions that the lying could be a symptom of.”
Enforcing boundaries with compulsive or pathological liars is essential, as being around them can be exhausting. You should also consider making it very clear to them that you won’t interact with them if they’re not telling the truth. On the flip side, you can also let them know that you’ll support them if they decide to get help.
Broadly speaking, compulsive liars tell lies as a reflex without even realizing it. Meanwhile, pathological liars continuously lie either to manipulate others or even when there’s no clear gain to be had.
Regular people lie for a variety of reasons. For instance, one person might avoid telling someone else the truth out of consideration for their feelings. Generally, people don’t want to hurt others.
Someone else might lie to get out of trouble, to smooth out bumpy social situations, or to make oneself look more capable, competent, and skilled than they really are. Of course, this doesn’t excuse liars (after all, emotionally mature people can simply tell the truth), but there’s a clear logic behind what they do. Most of these small lies are (relatively) harmless.
The issue arises when someone’s default response in life is to lie rather than tell the truth. “Compulsive liars may have started lying in childhood to cope or protect themselves. They may have lied about so much and for so long that it has become a habit they can’t stop. Some lies may have elements of truth, like certain people, places, or details that are accurate,” Verywell Mind explains.
One example of compulsive lying would be, say, your coworker telling you that they did one thing over the weekend when they did something else. There’s no need not to be honest here.
Pathological lying, on the other hand, is excessive and involves a person telling multiple lies a day for at least half a year. These liars might not be conscious of their behavior. However, others intentionally lie to manipulate others for personal gain. For example, to establish and quickly improve their status in their social groups.
Image credits: Clarisse Meyer/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Generally, regular people tell between zero to two (often harmless) lies each day, but this can vary
These liars can completely make up facts about their lives to improve their reputation and seem more important than they really are. Pathological lying can be a characteristic of people with mental health conditions like antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or even psychopathy in some cases.
In other cases, lying may be linked to conditions like obsessive-compulsive disorder or eating disorders, as these individuals try to hide the truth about their health.
When dealing with someone who is potentially a compulsive or pathological liar, it helps to pay attention to their actions, not their words. That way, you can spot patterns in their behavior.
According to one recent study that looked at over 116k lies told by 632 participants over 91 consecutive days, 75% of people told between zero to two lies per day. Most of these lies were inconsequential white lies. 6% of respondents who were generally honest had ‘bad days’ when they lied much more frequently. Meanwhile, 1% of respondents almost never lied.
The research found that 21% of people lied to avoid others, 20% did it as a joke, 14% wanted to protect themselves, 13% aimed to impress others, and 11% wanted to protect other people. Meanwhile, 9% lied for personal gain, 5% told fibs to benefit someone else, 2% wanted to hurt other people, and 5% had no particular reason for avoiding the truth.
There are very few things that are as bad as watching someone you care about tarnish your reputation in public. Slander is dangerous, and its effects can be massive. Not only are you destroying a person’s relationships with others, but you’re also affecting their physical and mental health and harming their job and career opportunities.
A few well-placed, outrageous lies, even without any ‘evidence’ to back the claims up, can completely derail a person’s life and lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and worse. A completely innocent person can watch everything they’ve built go up in flames as they desperately try to prove the truth.
The reality is that even if you haven’t done anything wrong, public perception is hard to change. Some random internet users or your neighbors can decide that you’re guilty without knowing the full context and make your life very difficult. Yes, eventually, the truth will come out whether in a court of law or not. But the damage to your reputation can last your lifetime. There are some things that you simply never lie or joke about if you respect the other person.
What are your thoughts, dear Pandas? What advice would you give the author of the viral post? How would you handle the situation with his stepdaughter if you were in his shoes? Have ever been in a situation where someone told harmful lies about you? Let us know in the comments.
As the story went viral, the man went into more detail about the context of his family situation
Many internet users were horrified by what they read. They came out in support of the stepdad
A few readers shared similarly tough situations they've been in, too
