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So, a few days ago, a very interesting thread appeared online, the author of which, the user u/Independent_Pear8404, asked netizens the question: "What's a piece of advice you were given as a child that seemed completely innocent at the time, but as an adult, you realize how messed up or manipulative it actually was?"
The resulting thread collected over 2.1K upvotes, and the number of comments is already approaching a thousand.
And I'll tell you what - to be honest, I didn't even guess that so many examples of "wise advice" from our childhood would actually turn out to be not only completely inappropriate in modern conditions, but also simply often harmful. So please welcome to this selection, made for you by Bored Panda!
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Perhaps the largest category to which the advice listed in our selection can be attributed is simply outdated recommendations. Outdated for many reasons - our society has started to react differently to these life situations, or something has become a 'new normal' among people. Accordingly, completely sincere life advice from parents no longer works as it used to.
Or, the second option - the norms of behavior have changed, and what was considered commonplace a couple of decades ago is today perceived as toxic behavior. For example, advice to boys "not to give up" if a girl refuses an offer to go on a date. Just agree that today it looks at least ambiguous!
After all, I was told the same thing in my teenage years, but when my son grows up, I will definitely not give him the same advice. At least, in the same wording that I once heard it.
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I was 8.
He died earlier this year though so I guess I was being an awful child again. Oops.
"The public attitude to certain moral standards, despite the fact that the main, most important pillars of it have been unshakable for several millennia, still changes over time," says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP coach, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this topic.
"Some of the 19th-century philosophers noted that being determines consciousness - and this is largely true. On the other hand, in the modern world, the opposite is sometimes true as well - when consciousness forms and changes reality."
"How does it work? Well, quite simply - sooner or later, society, under the influence of active people, realizes that certain moral standards, previously considered generally accepted, are no longer so. Accordingly, the assessment of people who act this way changes, the whole existence of people changes - and advice that was previously useful becomes, at the very least, toxic," Maria sums up.
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Edit: since this is blowing up I wanted to provide context. Alcoholic dad used a sharp weapon to almost end my mom. I remember slamming my head against the door multiple times at 8 years old to zone out the noise. For the next 25 years he continued this in different forms, enabling mom forced us to keep saving him every time. He had moments of good parenting, but couldn't control his own demons.
Moved out and doing better now - but still dealing with the demons. Hoping to fix this trauma in me and change things for my children.
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Okay I won’t cry. I’ll just have hangups about expressing emotions in front of others instead.
By the way, parenting standards are also changing - what was completely okay before, today seems completely unacceptable. Thus, some of the advice parents gave, which actually manipulated their children's minds, forcing them to perceive their own ugly actions as a desire for the good of their kids, is no longer relevant today and is perceived as what, in fact, it is - manipulation.
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I actually don’t owe anyone respect, and I don’t have to associate with people who don’t respect me. I also don’t have to forgive someone just because they’re family. That just leads to cycles letting someone talk down to you and put you down.
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Pretty much the primary reason I decided to live my life putting my intelligence and personality first. Got two degrees, multiple professors called me brilliant. Almost went for a PhD but too much uncertainty in the job market around that. Have moved up quickly in my career after my degrees.
Still pretty, but f*****g smart too. Who would have thought?
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It very likely changed the trajectory of my life. I've learned to never ever do that to any kid. If they tell you their dreams, tell them how awesome it's going to be.
In this regard, the evolution of society's perception of male tears and the manifestation of emotions on the part of men is rather interesting. In the era of antiquity, this was considered absolutely normal - even the greatest heroes of ancient myths, like Hercules or Odysseus, are not at all embarrassed by their tears.
Later, in the Middle Ages, it began to be considered that it is appropriate for a man to cry only in connection with issues related to religion and the church. During the Renaissance, however, it became appropriate for men to cry and show their emotions in every possible way, demonstrating the openness of their souls - and only in the era of industrial development did society put a taboo on men's tears.
For almost two centuries, a man was perceived like an unbending granite statue, so tears and bright emotions were, if not shameful, then simply inappropriate. So only today do we again perceive men's tears and other emotional situations as a given. Accordingly, our parents' advice like "boys don't cry" is already perceived differently. So such pieces of advice rightfully get into this selection.
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Be that as it may, in our world, there’s nothing unshakable and established so much that it would be impossible to question it. So after reading this selection to the very end, please take part in the discussion in the comments - if something seems strange to you here, or you, on the contrary, completely agree with everything.
Who knows, maybe as a result of our new debate, consciousness will change existence again?
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It was an attempt to control my behaviors, mostly it made me mad that they were spying!
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