A new relationship brings with it many firsts. The first kiss, the first sleepover, the first time meeting their family and friends. Those initial meetings can be a bit stressful. "Will they like me?" and, "What if they don't?" are questions that might live rent-free in your mind in the run-up to the big day.
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One guy was left reeling after meeting his boyfriend's best friend for the first time ever. It happened at a small party hosted by the bestie. The man says instead of a warm welcome, he got a frosty and rude reception. According to him, the host's exact words were, "Feel free to leave because I don't really like people in my house."
Bored Panda reached out to Etiquette Expert Rosalinda Randall to get her take on the incident. You'll find her advice below.
It's natural to expect a warm welcome from the host when arriving at a party
Instead, one man got a frosty reception and was told that he should "feel free to leave"
He then revealed that there might have been a language barrier
Some wondered whether there were hidden feelings at play but he quickly cleared it up
"Walking out was the best solution for everyone": An Etiquette Expert weighs in
As a host, your job is to make guests feel comfortable and welcome. And that means ALL guests, even the uninvited. That’s the word from Etiquette Expert and author Rosalinda Randall.
Bored Panda reached out to Randall to get her take on the incident. She says it’s not his fault he was invited under false pretenses and told that he’d be welcome. As for the host, Randall believes she was way out of line.
“Responding to an uninvited guest as she did was just plain rude,” the expert told us. “If anyone deserved the sharp comment, it would have been her friend; not the hesitant guest.” She said it seems that the boyfriend is more concerned about what he wants, without considering anyone else.
Randall adds that the host wasn’t wrong for only wanting people she knew in her home. And there might be a deeper issue at play.
“Maybe her impolite response could have been warranted. Maybe he’s done this before, and she’s had it!” said Randall.
However, she adds that having a “bad night” in the midst of hosting a party, was a pretty lame excuse for her rudeness. And that the man’s gut reaction to her rudeness was right. “When your boyfriend assures you that the host was okay with it, you naturally assume you were expected,” she says.
We asked Randall whether there was another way he could have handled the situation…
“Why would anyone stay where they are clearly not welcome? Walking out was the best solution, for everyone,” she responded. “Perhaps a token apology to the host and a quick goodbye as you walk out with dignity. This would have driven home the fact that you are not the bad guy in this scenario.”
Randall says the while it may have been awkward, the host could have privately explained to both her friend and the plus one that this party was by “invitation-only.” She could have added that he shouldn’t have assumed he could bring a guest. Or that he's put her in a very awkward position having to turn him and his guest away. She could have even said, "I was clear about the tone and purpose of the party. I hope you understand."
The expert says in general, when hosting a gathering, you should always know your guests. "If a guest typically follows their own party rules, be direct and clear about your party rules," she explains.
However, she adds that if your space, food, and housing policies can accommodate a few extra people, you should welcome the unexpected guest.
Keep in mind, says Randall, that they were invited by one of your guests. It’s not their fault crashing your party.
If you're the one thinking of taking a plus one to a party, Randall advises that you always check with the host before the event. "Not your party, not your rules," she adds. "Never presume that your relationship is so tight that they won’t mind."
The expert says if it’s last-minute, call to explain and leave it up to the host to either say, “We’ll miss you.” or “Bring them along.”
"A social situation is a good way of getting to know someone’s philosophy on relationships and boundaries," Randall tells Bored Panda.
"Sometimes, as in this case, I believe cultural norms played a role," she adds. "In some cultures, bringing several unexpected guests is expected and even welcomed."
Randall advises that if you find yourself as an uninvited plus one and decide to attend, it's a good idea to bring a ‘host’ gift to soften the surprise and show your gratitude.
Many agreed that the man did the right thing and that his new boyfriend was in the wrong
Some felt the man was at fault
