Emotional intelligence, kindness, and thoughtfulness are underrated. They’re all features that mature adults ought to have. However, the reality is that they’re pretty rare. So, when you meet a person who embodies those traits, they really stand out from the crowd.
#1
I had a colleague who was absolutely rabid about credit going to where it was deserved. If someone (usually a woman) came up with an idea in a meeting and it was ignored for ten minutes until a man brought it up again, the next thing that would happen would be him reminding the room that Jenny said it first. Every time.
94points
#2
My friends and I were attending a wedding and were all staying in a big Airbnb. While we were getting ready doing hair/makeup, one of the guys in the group steamed his fiance's dress and then went room-to-room to pickup and steam all the other women's dresses. He then delivered the dresses back to each room a few minutes later. He said he noticed his fiance forgot to pack the steamer, so he put it in his suitcase because he had extra space. Once he warmed the steamer up for her dress, he figured he'd steam all the dresses since he had extra time.
When we attended steamer couple's wedding later that year, another boyfriend in the group Airbnb steamed all the dresses so it's become a fun friend group tradition.
When we attended steamer couple's wedding later that year, another boyfriend in the group Airbnb steamed all the dresses so it's become a fun friend group tradition.
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84points
#3
When my husband and I first started dating, we went out to dinner. It was raining outside and there was a homeless man seeking shelter in the front entrance. People were laughing and being mean to him, and my (then boyfriend) invited him to sit with us and order whatever he wanted from the menu and bought his dinner. Knew I wanted to marry him that night. The nice man gave us random trinkets from his shopping cart and we still have them to this day.
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81points
As per the BBC, traits like agreeableness, extroversion, and intelligence are seen as more attractive than just physical looks.
Broadly speaking, emotionally intelligent and mature adults understand that their emotions are separate from their identity. PsychCentral points out that there is a big difference between calling yourself an ‘angry person’ and a person who sometimes experiences anger.
Emotional maturity also means that you take responsibility for your emotions. You don’t blame other people for how you feel. What’s more, being mature means that you take an interest in others’ needs and emotions. You can also receive feedback without getting argumentative or defensive. It’s all about staying in control and being calm, cool, and collected.
#4
I had a rough life growing up and it was still rough when I met him. Friends had fallen away and were off to their own lives. I was working in a call center. I was working tripple/double shifts to survive in my apartment alone. My family isn't even a question on the table. I had just been alone for a long time.
I met this guy on a dating app. I had been on a ton of awful dates as one does when trying to find your person on an app. But this one guy I saw had these pics of him in a hat way too small for his head and a couple of other photos I found endearing. We messaged for a long time, and it wasn't hollow conversations. Real conversations, that weren't ended in one worded replies. After some time and me giving up on dating for a bit, I deleted my app/account. But I just.. I couldn't stop thinking about him. So a few weeks later, I made the account again and found him. We planned a date that week.
He showed up to our first date with a small gift bag. Inside was a small 3-d printed dino skull. He stood there in the sunset that evening telling me that he didn't know if I would like him (aka continue to see and date him) should my birthday come in a month, and he wanted to give me a birthday present now just in case.
He remembered my birthday. He remembered every detail from our conversations. He remembered I said i loved dinosaurs. He made me cry that night as I hadn't gotten a gift from anyone in a very very very long time. It was given with love.
He's my husband. 7yrs happy and going on till the end of time 🩵.
I met this guy on a dating app. I had been on a ton of awful dates as one does when trying to find your person on an app. But this one guy I saw had these pics of him in a hat way too small for his head and a couple of other photos I found endearing. We messaged for a long time, and it wasn't hollow conversations. Real conversations, that weren't ended in one worded replies. After some time and me giving up on dating for a bit, I deleted my app/account. But I just.. I couldn't stop thinking about him. So a few weeks later, I made the account again and found him. We planned a date that week.
He showed up to our first date with a small gift bag. Inside was a small 3-d printed dino skull. He stood there in the sunset that evening telling me that he didn't know if I would like him (aka continue to see and date him) should my birthday come in a month, and he wanted to give me a birthday present now just in case.
He remembered my birthday. He remembered every detail from our conversations. He remembered I said i loved dinosaurs. He made me cry that night as I hadn't gotten a gift from anyone in a very very very long time. It was given with love.
He's my husband. 7yrs happy and going on till the end of time 🩵.
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71points
#5
Changed his opinion on something when given evidence to the contrary to his original beliefs. He's one of the most thoughtful people I've ever met. Genuinely listens to people and actually weighs the things people say to him. Never just dismisses people without deeply considering their words and their perspective.
I can't wait to marry him. 🥰.
I can't wait to marry him. 🥰.
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66points
#6
My little brother keeps tampons, pads & ibuprofen in his glovebox just in case a girl might need it one day.
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65points
When you have high emotional intelligence, not only can you communicate what your emotions are, but you can also express them (e.g., anger) without harming others. You know how to regulate your emotions and can experience them without allowing them to take control of you.
According to Verywell Mind, emotionally intelligent adults can let go of mistakes, are confident, and accept themselves (and others) for who they are. They can also identify and describe what they and other people are feeling. What’s more, they’re also keenly aware of their strengths, as well as their weaknesses.
These adults are also empathetic, sensitive, embrace personal responsibility, are curious about the world, and aren’t scared of change. They’re also good at managing and regulating their emotions in difficult and tense situations.
#7
My current partner never got the chance to meet my dad, who passed away several years before we started dating. I woke up around 11 on a Saturday morning in January to him putting a coffee on my nightstand that he had just picked up from the Dunkin across the street. I noticed when he kissed me that his nose and hands were ice-cold, and as it turns out, that was because he had de-iced, shoveled, and salted my entire driveway while I slept. On its own, braving the Boston winter cold to do that for me would be sweet enough - but my partner also knows that my dad died after a fall on an unsalted driveway. He got into bed with me and wrapped me in his arms and said "I don't want to make you sad by bringing it up, but just know that whenever I see ice, I think about your dad. I'll always make sure your driveway is safe." I don't really know what I believe, but I do genuinely think that my dad was looking out for me the day I met my partner.
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63points
#8
I grew up in an environment where arguments were loud - shouting to get a point across. So it was something I thought was the norm. My first argument with my boyfriend (now husband) was very mature and he never once yelled. He was empathetic and heard me out, and put his points across calmly, without making me feel bad. We ended up having a constructive conversation and resolved it calmly. And got ice cream after. 4 years later, he’s still never once yelled at me.
I also don’t yell but that’s because I’m a crier.
I also don’t yell but that’s because I’m a crier.
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62points
#9
When a guy *does things* and doesn't expect women to fuss over them. They make a mess, they clean it. They are hungry, they start cooking. They notice something needs fixing they get on with it wether or not it is a "masculine" job. And they don't expect praise for it. Like it's just common sense to them, you know what I mean?
My theory is these people were raised by single parents and haven't had that "you boys watch the game while we cook dinner" type of experience.
My theory is these people were raised by single parents and haven't had that "you boys watch the game while we cook dinner" type of experience.
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60points
Like anything else, emotional intelligence is a skill. You can improve and hone it with experience. If you want to practice yours, you can:
- Have empathy for others;
- Develop your active listening skills;
- Accept criticism;
- Say ‘no’ when you need to;
- Take responsibility for your actions;
- Move on after making a mistake;
- Share your feelings with others;
- Solve your problems in a way that works for everyone;
- Be less judgmental of others;
- Try to understand why you do the things that you do.
#10
This was a coworker, not a romantic interest. But, ordered me flowers on behalf of the company for an event and had specifically instructed the florist to make sure they were non-toxic to cats so I could take them home. Just him remembering that I had a cat and putting two and two together in that way was way more thoughtful than most dudes trying to date me ever were, really blew me away.
59points
#11
My ex and I are still great friends. He lives in the same city as my mom, who lives alone and has no family in town, as all of us kids and grandkids live out of state. He'll check in on her and drop her off jigsaw puzzles, which she loves, juice, fruits and vegetables. He may have been a s****y boyfriend, but I appreciate the hell out of him for these gestures.
59points
#12
I was 17, went out with a fake ID, started talking to a considerably older guy. Naturally I attributed his interest to my maturity, sophistication, and poise beyond my years.
When he stepped away from me for a minute, another man - total stranger - approached just long enough to tell me, “You’re obviously not old enough to be here. That guy you’re talking to is not a good guy. You should go home. I’ll call you a cab if you need one.”
The creep came back, and as soon as I started showing hesitation about him, he became incredibly pushy, trying to get me to go somewhere alone with him. I insisted on getting a cab, and he tried to get me to tell him my address “to tell the driver.” I ducked him and got in the cab.
I’ll never know exactly what that stranger saved me from that night, but it wasn’t going to be good. I don’t even remember his face, but I still think about him sometimes.
When he stepped away from me for a minute, another man - total stranger - approached just long enough to tell me, “You’re obviously not old enough to be here. That guy you’re talking to is not a good guy. You should go home. I’ll call you a cab if you need one.”
The creep came back, and as soon as I started showing hesitation about him, he became incredibly pushy, trying to get me to go somewhere alone with him. I insisted on getting a cab, and he tried to get me to tell him my address “to tell the driver.” I ducked him and got in the cab.
I’ll never know exactly what that stranger saved me from that night, but it wasn’t going to be good. I don’t even remember his face, but I still think about him sometimes.
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55points
Dear Pandas, which of these stories impressed you and made you smile the most? What are the things that your partner, friend, relative, or anyone else you know has done that genuinely made them stand out, in a positive way?
How emotionally mature and intelligent do you think you are? Is there any room for improvement? Let us know!
#13
He noticed what I liked as we started hanging out, and then kept those things on hand at his house.
It's like a magic drink/snack/movie/game portal every time I visit.
It's like a magic drink/snack/movie/game portal every time I visit.
50points
#14
We had been dating long distance for less than a year when I got diagnosed with stage 4 blood cancer - he dropped everything and flew down to take care of me until I finished my treatment. We are now married and I have been in remission for 3 years. I did not know how common it is for men to leave their partners during a health crisis.
50points
#15
The first time my now husband came over to my apartment, he was telling me a story and while he was talking, I nonchalantly held my cat’s tail (who was sitting in his lap at the time) near his mouth like a microphone. He stopped telling his story, tapped the top of the cat’s tail like a mic and said “testing…one, two…*tap* testing…” and continued telling his story into the cat’s tail like he was talking into a microphone. That’s when I knew.
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47points
#16
My bf was at home, and I was at the University. Probably a 20 min walk. I called him to say that I would be late to see him because I forgot my umbrella and it was raining pretty hard so I was going to wait till it died down a bit. Next thing I know, he shows up, umbrella in hand. I felt like I was in a romcom.
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46points
#17
Reacting calmly to someone else being aggressive. In situations that could have turned into unnecessary confrontation with others, even physical, it’s very valuable to trust someone is not gonna be easily provoked and will actually help deescalate a situation.
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44points
#18
Asking for consent before touching me. Really appreciate that, I hate how so many people think that's an awkward thing to do.
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41points
#19
I married my husband because he is the only man I have ever met who has ever apologized to me and meant it. Not warped it into, "sorry you feel that way" or any BS like that. I can work through any problem with him because he is not afraid to admit when he is wrong and we face the problem together, not bash egos.
I was not that way when we met, but he allowed me to learn to be vulnerable and apologize when I am wrong.
I was not that way when we met, but he allowed me to learn to be vulnerable and apologize when I am wrong.
40points
#20
He stood up to my a*****e parents and defended me when no one else would.
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40points