It’s normal for couples to have the occasional time away from each other. Experts encourage couples to strike a balance between “me” and “we” to help promote a healthier, longer-lasting relationship.
This man, however, seemed to have taken that concept a bit too far. He had been leaving his girlfriend out of planned activities with other couples, which the woman felt was intentional. And when she spoke up, he instead lashed out, saying she needed to “get a life.”
The woman has since been doubtful about the state of their relationship as she vented her frustrations online.
Experts encourage couples to have the occasional time apart to promote a healthy, thriving relationship
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This woman, however, felt her boyfriend had been trying to leave her out of couples' activities
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She finally spoke out, only to be yelled at
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She clarified some details in her story and stated why she was feeling confused by her partner’s actions
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The woman also explained why she felt she wasn’t being unreasonable
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Feeling that her partner’s actions were intentional, the author has begun to doubt the state of their relationship
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Intentionally leaving out a partner is a sign of a deeper relationship problem
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If the man’s actions were, indeed, intentional, the relationship may require deeper evaluation. According to Aspen Counseling and Wellness's lead therapist, Dr. Bernadette Smith, leaving out a partner could indicate a fear of judgment, a lack of awareness regarding its emotional impact, or dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Licensed therapist Joseph Pumilia says it could be due to the desire to “avoid hard conversations” to “protect” the partner’s feelings.
“Real empathy isn’t about avoidance—it’s about having the tough conversations and trying to genuinely understand each other,” he told Bored Panda.
The woman also denied being the clingy girlfriend that some may have perceived her to be. However, Dr. Smith also clarified that clinginess is a sign of unmet needs.
“Sometimes this surfaces due to the relationship dynamics or is rooted in previous life experiences, which were carried into the relationship,” she explained. However, she also clarified that the constant dismissal of a significant other’s desire to be included could indicate a pattern of intentional exclusion.
So, how can someone who is constantly excluded effectively express their feelings? Both Dr. Smith and Pumilia suggest engaging in honest conversations using “I” statements. They emphasized that the goal should be to understand and make each other feel heard, to help begin the process of growth and healing.
Meanwhile, relationship therapist Rich Heller suggests a more direct approach: “Don’t chase down each incident. Call out the pattern.”
“If it doesn’t change, you’ve learned something essential about the relationship, like you probably don't want to be in it,” he said.
It’s bad enough that the author experienced harsh gaslighting after expressing her feelings. She may need to rethink the relationship and whether or not it is worth pursuing.
People in the comments believe she would be better off breaking up with him
