Guy Refuses To Change Travel Plans To Accommodate Brother’s Kids, Family Drama Ensues

Having a vacation planned can feel like a lifeline. Not only is it something to look forward to, it’s also something to daydream about, as one often spends hours thinking about all the things they’ll get to see, taste, and experience.

For this redditor, such daydreaming entailed the thoughts of climbing mountains, meeting up with friends, and enjoying all that Colorado has to offer. However, these images started fading away when the OP’s brother suggested that he took his niece and nephew along on the trip.

Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a licensed counselor and expert in family relationships, Chair and Professor at the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University, Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions.

For fans of outdoor activities, Colorado is definitely a paradise on Earth. There’s a reason the Outside Magazine deemed it the most adventurous state in the Mountain West and one of the eight most adventurous states in the entire US. Some sources suggest that as much as 92% of Colorado residents participate in outdoor recreation every year. Other sources state that 80% of Colorado natives say that outdoor recreation is an important part of their personal well-being.

It’s safe to assume that a big part of said outdoor recreation is climbing. According to the Outside Magazine, the state is “a mecca for climbers,” boasting more than 30,000 established climbing routes, so it’s no surprise that the OP was looking forward to his climbing trip there. However, according to Professor Suzanne Degges-White, a climbing trip with two children can be quite a challenge for someone other than their parent or a person who’s used to looking after them.

“It is unreasonable to expect a single, 26-year-old person to change their vacation plans to single handedly manage two children on a cross-country trip. Having to ensure two young kids don't get lost or two older kids don't wander off in the forest, on the mountain, along the trail, at the rest stops, or in the airports is a pretty big ask of anyone,” the expert noted.

“It's also interesting that someone is being asked to step in as a full-time caregiver, yet they only see the kids every few weeks. Being the ‘Fun Uncle’ is one thing, if you stop by occasionally, but being expected to be a ‘solo parent’ on a much anticipated vacation is totally different.”

According to Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, one of the reasons why some parents might expect their adult siblings to take their nieces and nephews on outings together is much-needed “time off.” “Parenting is hard work and it's really a 24/7 job, so the idea of having someone else take over for a few days can be very, very appealing for even the most invested of parents,” she told Bored Panda. “Some people also often feel like blood ties are equivalent to lifelong obligations that mean that siblings are expected to help siblings no matter what the need might be.”

That’s why it’s important to set clear boundaries, even when it comes to brothers and sisters and their kids. The expert pointed out that boundaries play a significant role not only with family, but with friends or at the workplace, too.

“While some people love to be the ‘hero’ for their families, it's not a role that everyone wants, and always saying ‘yes’ can lead to resentment over time and actually do more to harm the relationship than help it,” Prof. Degges-White said. “And asking others for help with kids should only be done with folks who enjoy that role or in truly emergency situations when help is desperately and legitimately needed.”

It’s not uncommon for aunts and uncles to be the emergency contacts in unexpected situations. However, that often depends on the relationships they have with their siblings and the latters’ children. Talking about the role that aunts and uncles play in the lives of their nephews’ and nieces’, Dr. Suzanne Degges-White noted that every family is different and there is no one way that aunts and uncles should engage with their siblings' kids.

“The role is likely affected by the sibling relationship that already exists – if siblings are close, the uncle and aunt role may reflect the same level of closeness and engagement. If there are family expectations on the roles that aunts and uncles play, that can influence the relationship with nieces and nephews, as well. It's really wonderful when aunts, uncles, and other extended family members play a role in the lives of children – it helps them feel grounded and they learn about the value of family through the ways in which their family interacts.

“It's never good to make assumptions, though, about what role other people want to play in the lives of one's children,” she added. “There may be legitimate reasons that aunts or uncles cannot ‘be there’ in the way that a sibling wants them to be, and healthy relationships reflect the respecting of others' healthy boundaries.”