Everybody has held a grudge at least once in their lives, and it is usually about something important to them. This can become an issue if a person just can’t seem to let go of their resentment and keeps reliving past incidents over and over again.
This is what happened to a man who got divorced but couldn’t stop thinking about a comment his ex-brother-in-law made two years ago, implying that he couldn’t afford to pay for things. This caused him so much annoyance that it even took a toll on his previous marriage.
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Resentment can be one of the toughest things to let go of, and if people don’t actually move on, they might struggle with the feelings even years later
Image credits: Filipp Romanovski / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The man explained that since he had to leave his family home at a young age, he didn’t have any money and worked hard to pay for things and not be seen as a sponger
Image credits: A. C. / Magnific (not the actual photo)
When he used to go to France to meet his wife’s sister and brother-in-law, he tried to pay for things, but once the other guy made a snide comment about his financial situation
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster asked his wife to handle the situation, but she let two years pass and later gaslit him about the situation along with her family members
Image credits: Peoplearesoweird
Even though the man had been divorced from his wife for a while, he still thought back to that incident as it caused him a lot of pain and distress
The man explained that while living with his family, he had to abruptly leave his home due to safety concerns involving his younger brother. This meant he was penniless and had to suddenly figure out what to do about money. Then, later as he slowly earned more, he began paying for things whenever he hung out with people, so that they wouldn’t think he was a mooch.
According to research on people who have faced trauma early on in their lives, it has been observed that these experiences can leave long-lasting emotional scars. People might also develop coping mechanisms to deal with the stress of their trauma, and these actions might be carried on even into later years of their lives.
This is possibly what happened to the poster, which is why he always wanted to pay his way even when he went to France to visit his wife’s family. Even though they covered the cost of the stay and most other expenses, the man did his best to pitch in, so he was shocked when his brother-in-law one day made a comment implying that he wasn't paying enough.
When it comes to splitting bills or sharing expenses, experts explain that there can sometimes be a financial imbalance in a relationship without folks even realizing it. That’s why people need to be open with each other about their money struggles, or honestly share if they ever feel like they are covering too many expenses.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster felt quite bad about his in-law’s comment, so he talked to his wife about it and asked her to speak to the other man. Unfortunately, even though she agreed to handle the situation, two years passed, and nothing happened, which didn’t dispel the poster’s resentment about the comment.
Eventually, the man convinced his partner to bring it up, but when she did, her brother-in-law made up an excuse for the situation and made it seem like nothing big had happened. The poster’s sister-in-law also sided with her husband even though she hadn’t been around when he made the comment.
When folks get into arguments like this, it might seem annoying if you want to prove yourself right but aren’t able to. That’s why professionals say it might be best to let the anger and distress about the argument go rather than hold on to those feelings. This may help you feel a bit more comfortable and keep you from spiraling into overthinking.
The man did try to do that by telling his in-laws that they could agree to disagree and that the argument didn’t need to go on. Unfortunately, they didn’t speak to him after that confrontation, and even though he got divorced, he couldn’t seem to move on from the situation.
What do you think is the best way for the man to deal with these painful feelings? Do share your honest thoughts in the comments below.
Most people urged the man to either apologize and move on, or to give himself a break from ruminating over something that had happened so long ago
