A child reuniting with their birth father after years apart may sound like the plot of a feel-good movie, with a heartwarming ending where the two slowly learn how to become a family.
Out of the blue, he was contacted by child services and told he had a 10-year-old daughter he had never known about.
With the girl facing the possibility of entering foster care, he suddenly had to decide whether he was ready to step into the role of a father or not.
A man found out through child services that he has a 10-year-old daughter
Image credits: alinabuphoto / envato (not the actual photo)
The girl was facing foster care after her mother was arrested
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: apparentthrowaway79
The hidden challenges people face when parenting comes without warning
This kind of unexpected news can change your life in ways you probably never imagined before.
And it’s not always a walk in the park either, especially in the beginning. Imagine suddenly having to figure out school enrollments, doctor appointments, math homework, and bedtime stories.
Studies show that people who take on unexpected parenting often deal with financial stress and physical strain from suddenly caring for an active child. It can even lead to complicated family dynamics if you have other members sharing the same house.
And taking in a child out of the blue is not that uncommon.
Researchers who study kinship caregivers — relatives or family friends who step in to raise a kid — say many adults get the call with almost no warning.
In the US alone, as of 2023, about 2.5 million children were being raised by relatives or close family friends.
Experts say a lot of these caregivers eventually develop a kind of “resilience” as they settle into this new reality.
They learn to adapt and build a routine that works for everyone in the house.
Keeping kids with family is better than foster care, say experts
Child welfare systems are leaning more and more toward keeping kids with people they already know.
Studies comparing children placed with relatives versus non-relatives show that those placed with relatives had better overall wellbeing.
Kids in these situations did better in school and had better mental health. They also developed a stronger sense of identity, and connection to family.
“It’s all about children’s needs. Kids need to know where they come from. Family tends to alleviate a little bit of the additional trauma that can come from children experiencing foster care,” says Ali Caliendo, an expert in Kinship Care Advocacy and Policy.
The best way to begin raising a child is by building a support system, experts say. For example, calling a sibling for help with school pickups, leaning on grandparents for childcare, or asking friends for advice.
“Kinship carers provide stability and love during moments of significant upheaval in a child’s life — their value often goes under-acknowledged, but the commitment they offer can be transformative,” says Children’s Commissioner for England Dame Rachel de Souza.
It's rarely something people plan for, but experts say, over time, many of these unexpected arrangements turn into strong and supportive family bonds.
People in the comments gave advice and support on what to do next
The man came back with an update, three months after he found out he had a daughter
Image credits: Mishanonono / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: apparentthrowaway79
He gave another update about the girl's birth mother
Image credits: Eli Solitas / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: apparentthrowaway79
The man said he and his daughter have bonded over time
Image credits: apparentthrowaway79