Some might argue that the universe is merely a random accident of the cosmos. Most folks, however, hope that it is possible to make sense of the world and everything in it—that things aren’t just a mere coincidence and that forces like karma will make things right. Or at least teach folks that making poor decisions in life will have appropriate consequences.
A woman recently shared her heartfelt life story of how a series of bad decisions on the part of her dad has essentially led him to the brink of homelessness. And somehow that’s her problem? Or so that side of the family wants to claim.
More Info: Reddit
While the urge to help out elderly parents is normal among many, not all parents are truly deserving of the help
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
This woman recently shared her heartfelt story of how her dad made decisions as a parent that eventually led him to the brink of homelessness
Image credits: u/swiggitywigg
The dad was simply just not there when he was supposed to, and when he was, he would be overly protective, extremely strict, and would favor the step-siblings
Image credits: Ben Hershey (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/swiggitywigg
The Redditor concludes that, after all that she's been through, she doesn't see herself ever giving away her grandparents' home to her estranged, abusive dad
Image credits: bryce_nesbitt (not the actual photo)
Redditor u/swiggitywigg has been in a rocky relationship with her father for pretty much her entire life. Recently, she talked about it on r/entitledparents, detailing a number of his fumbles—not really accidental ones, honestly—as a parent. I couldn’t do retelling the story justice with how much pathos is instilled in it, so it’s best to just read the original. But the gist is this:
OP’s dad’s parenting left much to be desired, so his parents, OP’s grandparents, picked up a lot of slack. And, thankfully, were more than great at it. Not only was dad’s relationship with OP rocky, his relationship with his parents seemed even worse. To a degree where he didn’t seem all that fazed by how his also seemingly dysfunctional wife shoved his 74-year-old dad in a way that left him literally injured. This was the last straw for OP—she knew she could never forgive him for it.
Unfortunately, she lost her grandpa in 2014, and her grandmother just this last December. But what she still had was her childhood home—the grandparents’ house. She fondly reminisced about how grandma left cheeky notes around the house for folks to find after she’s gone.
Dad knew the house was going to be hers, but that didn’t stop him from channeling his entitlement and still trying to get a slice of that cake. Even more so as OP noted he’s retired military, has zero savings and lives with his new wife and 4 kids in an RV that has seen better days. He even managed to stash some of his belongings after the funeral.
Well, OP got some audio-visual and locksmithing countermeasures put in place so that doesn’t happen again. She also collected all that was rightfully his, locked it up in storage and gave the key to an uncle to pass it on to the dad. Needless to say, he was not happy about any of it. OP’s stepsiblings were even more furious, calling her all the time, saying she’s heartless.
But, after the ride OP’s been through, she’d rather share her childhood home with her daughter “and all the whimsical things it had to offer. Even if my dad ends up homeless.”
Image credits: Digital Game Museum (not the actual photo)
While the story got modest upvotage, clocking in at 1,500 upvotes, people were engaged and very supportive of OP. The general consensus among folks was that she shouldn’t concern herself at all with her father. If someone ever does end up wanting any part in an inheritance, it has to be taken with responsibility, i.e. accepting all the consequences of the actions that have led up to this point.
In particular, there are 4 other people in the equation who could possibly help the dad, i.e. OP’s stepsiblings. While it’s understandable why they don’t do it—OP noted that 3 of the 4 stepsiblings are on welfare—but if they care so much about the well-being of their own parents, they can make an effort.
Others suggested one-upping the current security setup which would include more than just cameras and changing locks—maybe an actual security alarm. If OP’s stepmother doesn’t have a problem pushing a senior citizen, there is an increased non-zero chance of them getting themselves into more criminal trouble.
OP was also active in the comment section. This is where we also learn where OP’s mother is—she gave up custody of her to her father when she was 13, and it’s never been the same, though they still keep up a relationship. She also explained what he took from the house that one time. It was mostly dad’s tools and other technical junk. The police saw it happen, but OP decided not to cause a ruckus over it and let it slide.
Image credits: Warren LeMay (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda got in touch with OP for more context and insight into her story. The biggest question we had for her was how did her dad turn out to be the absolute opposite of his parents? She said this:
"Each generation’s upbringing and early adult exposure shape who they are and who they will become. None of us are immune to that."
"I’ve often asked this question to those who knew my father growing up, like my uncle. They are 7 years apart. He has some insight, but none of us will ever truly know. My father had a decent upbringing in a loving home that provided everything they needed."
"From my perspective, growing up missionary Baptist perhaps wasn’t where my father wanted the trajectory of his life to take him. Remaining in a small town being family-oriented wasn’t what he wanted either. If that weren’t the case, he would not have joined the Army after college. His father, my grandfather, was a farmer and worked at GE on an assembly line for nearly 35 years. He had a GED and went to Germany after WWII."
"Since fleeing the nest, my father has since adopted different perspectives on life. Perhaps it was the military that changed his perspective. My father is on wife number three."
Alas, OP has long since lost hope that something will change. She tried to reconcile with her father many times, but it always ended in an ultimatum and a falling out.
"My father wasn’t there for my wedding, as he found setting up a table at a gun show more important. My father missed the birth of my daughter as he wanted me to choose him over my mother being there. These are unrealistic and unreasonable requests to ask from your child ever—let alone during a major milestone in their life," elaborated OP.
"It took me over 20 years to realize this. Showing up and being present for those you love is important. Listening is also very important as there cannot be a relationship without communication, whether it’s platonic, romantic or familial."
Image credits: Matthew Hester (not the actual photo)
Despite adversity, OP broke free. She was determined to do better and to break the mold. Besides having supportive grandparents and a husband, she had a lot of growing and unlearning to do, namely of unhealthy patterns.
By observing family dynamics, she learned that, one, every family has their skeletons in the closet, and, two, she was being gaslit her entire life that she was a problem for thinking that this was how life was supposed to be and how she was supposed to feel. She had to learn what toxicity in relationships was, and that she needed to break free from it. And she did.
OP concluded our interview by sharing two key things to keep in mind if you're dealing with a similar situation:
"Know your worth. If something doesn’t feel right or doesn’t serve you, trust in yourself to make that call. These decisions aren’t always easy, and I still struggle with it myself. We all want our parents to show us love, be proud of us and continue to invest in our lives after we have fled the nest. But if they aren’t checking all of these boxes, it’s time to have those hard conversations if you feel like it’s worth salvaging. It is okay to go no contact. It is okay to feel pain from doing so. You have to be good to yourself so you can be good to others. Negativity feeds negativity and it will flow into your life and affect the relationships you hold dear."
And "be open with talking it out with someone who’s removed from the situation emotionally. You’ll be surprised what you may hear. Often we are gaslit into thinking that how we feel is invalid. So we believe the narrative until someone else comes along to share their perspective. There’s the big picture, and then there’s the smaller picture. We don’t always have a bird's eye view, and that can be crippling when making decisions that serve us. Don’t become a doormat because you feel like you owe it to your parents for bringing you into this world. You don’t owe anyone anything they haven’t earned."
Image credits: Eddie Quinones (not the actual photo)
For context, the situation isn’t as dire as the dad might possibly think. OP doesn’t have to help, nor do stepsiblings, as the United States have a slew of financial help and government programs for seniors:
Social security income has recently increased by an average of $92 for all retired workers. There’s also a number of programs provided by the likes of Volunteers of America, AmeriCorps Seniors, and National PACE Association that provide nearly every service under the sun from food to medical help to simple companionship.
Moreover, as per section 504 Home Repair Program, senior homeowners can get up to $7,500 to repair damages that are deemed hazardous to safety and health at home. And the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP) offers assistance to families with energy costs (managing costs connected to home energy bills, energy crises, weatherization, and energy-related home repairs).
Don’t forget that taxation might come to your aid as there’s credit for the elderly (reduces the tax bill from $3,750 to $7,500), standard deductions for seniors (standard deduction for seniors filing singly is $14,250) and there’s also medical expenses aid that seniors can apply for to get itemized deductions on.
Heck, there are even institutions that can help with jobs. The Senior Community Service Program (SCSEP) pays folks over 55 minimum wage to work at government and community agencies. This also includes help with training for jobs like teacher’s aid or computer technician.
In other words, the world is ripe with opportunity—you just gotta seek it out. And the comment section is also ripe with opportunity for self-expression, namely the expression of opinions and stories on everything that you’ve read here today. So, have at it!
And folks couldn't agree more, posting their support for the woman and discussing the issue in general
