Losing My Artist Self During These Crazy Times And How I Got It Back

I've been crocheting for as long as I can remember. My grandmother taught me at an early age so I could make clothes for my Barbie dolls. I enjoyed manipulating the stitches and making extravagant ball gowns that no one else had. As I grew up and set the dolls aside I also set aside the yarn and hooks.

In 2014 I picked my hooks up again and began learning a multitude of new stitches and creating fun hats. I quickly learned I had a love of sketching out an idea and bringing it to life through string. I started small with hats and toys and moved onto creating detailed bags and eventually began creating wearable food blankets. My passion came alive and I was selling non stop through social media platforms like Facebook and IG and eventually opened up a pattern shop so people could recreate my designs. I then dove into the world of selling on Etsy. I was providing for my son and I by doing something that I absolutely loved.

Fast forward to this year, 2020. It was already a slow starting year when the pandemic hit. When you are used to making several thousand dollars during the typical tax season and only have a handful of small orders come in it is heartbreaking. I was lost and unsure of what I was going to do to take care of my kiddo and myself. I ran sales. I did paid advertising on the Etsy platform along with Facebook and Instagram. I was getting deeper and deeper in the hole. I tried creating new designs but when a sense of dread becomes overwhelming it is hard to find joy in the things you create.

My family needed masks so I busted out my old sewing machine thinking at least I could help others. (I am definitely not a seamstress by trade :) ) There were others who needed masks in my local area so I made them some too. I had purpose again.

I began selling masks locally and that helped to provide for my family once again. Many were complaining that their ears hurt and I had seen other crocheters make ear saver accessories so once again the trusty hooks came out. I began making the ear savers as well. I was feeling positive once again.

I even started getting a few hat orders once again. This really gave me the pick me up that I needed. But... that quickly changed. As our postal system began experiencing staffing shortages due to the pandemic shipping timeframes began to take longer. Packages would get scanned wrong (saying delivered when they were still in transit or reverting back to pre-transit status when they were scanned at a sorting facility). I had packages lost(stop scanning somewhere) and I'd have to remake and reship an item on my dime in hopes that the postal insurance would pay for it later. FYI... they don't always pay claims on first class packages or they can take up to 45 for payment.

I felt like I was failing. As a business owner. As an artist. And most importantly as a mom. I was dependent on picking up my kiddos school meals each week. I visited a few food pantries. I signed up for food stamps. I scraped by as best as I could but I lost my magic for creating once again.

When unemployment became available for me I took it. I haven't had to have any kind of assistance in years but this was where I was at. It took a few months but it enabled me to get caught up on my bills. I am incredibly grateful for it. But, it didn't give me the pride I once had. I would try to sketch out new animal or character hats. I'd write out ideas. I'd even figure out the yarn brands and colors to use. But, when I'd pick up my hooks and yarn to take it from idea to reality I faltered. I'd create a few rows and frog (rip out the stitches) over and over again. I'd see in my newsfeed on Facebook all the beautiful things my friends were creating and I just couldn't talk myself into doing it myself.

Today though, something changed in me. Thanks to my son who seems to be 13 going on 30 these days. He looked me in the eye and told me something was missing in me. He was bummed he hadn't seen me create anything new in months. He loves to watch me work, watching my sketches come alive in my hands, especially if they start as an idea of his like my famous pizza blanket. We started talking about designing some new 3D animal hats and creating new 3D character hats. As I was sketching and getting ready to place a yarn order I heard the wonderful "cha-ching" sound come from my phone and I got an Etsy order for my favorite hat to make, a sunflower slouchy style hat. My son said my sparkle is back.

I think, I hope, no, I KNOW my cro-jo is back. I'm ready to crochet and create once again. Sometimes it takes truly listening to our children to figure ourselves. No matter what the future brings I know I always have my own cheer section in my son and that means everything in the world to me. We won't know for a few weeks yet what his school year will look like but I know between the two of us we can take on the world.

More info: Etsy