Most people who are getting married hope that the wedding ceremony they are planning will be their first and last one. That is why they try to make sure that everything is perfect and can become really picky and even rude.
It is understandable that they want to be in control and guests even accept some weird rules they make, but this woman who was asked to be her cousin’s maid of honor thinks that telling her to lose weight is going too far. Her story went viral on Twitter and sparked quite a debate, as anything to do with wedding rules does.
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Woman who was quite close with her cousin won't get to be her maid of honor anymore and she won't be attending the wedding altogether
Image credits: Agence Tophos (not the actual photo)
Twitter user Ife Nkili has a small Twitter account followed by nearly 2.5k people but that didn’t stop one of her posts from going viral, which means it resonated with a lot of people. It now has over 200k likes and 4.5k people joined the conversation in the thread.
In that thread, Ife Nkili shared that her close cousin who she almost considers her sibling just confirmed that she is no longer wanted as the maid of honor unless she loses weight. So the woman decided not to attend the wedding altogether.
It is because Ife Nkili's cousin gave her a deadline to lose weight if she wanted to have the maid of honor duties
Image credits: Zioraife
Image credits: Zioraife
Image credits: Zioraife
Her family wasn’t happy about it, but she feels she is just giving back what she received. The family thinks Ife Nkili should still come, but the woman feels that the bride thinks she doesn’t look good enough, so why ruin the wedding photos with her presence?
Thankfully, these are just some sarcastic thoughts and not how Ife Nkili actually feels. In the thread, she mentions she has strong self-will and doesn’t hate her body, although she does stress over food and if she’s gaining weight.
The woman was quite taken aback by such a request and decided to not show up to the wedding at all
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People in the comments agreed that the cousin crossed the line and shouldn't have made such a request
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It seems that her bigger weight is due to genes and she has been bullied for it her whole life by the people who should have been the closest to her. Also, the woman points out that going to the gym is quite expensive and shuts down the comments telling her to try and lose weight by saying that if someone paid for it, she would go.
But the point is not whether she can afford it or not. It is about respecting a family member and a human being and not telling them what to do with their body.
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Some of them agreed that Ife Nkili shouldn't attend the wedding as her cousin clearly doesn't appreciate her
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However, people in the comments had different views. Most of them agreed that it was really rude of the cousin to ask such a thing. If she wants to lose weight, she should do it for herself and not for a cousin or anybody else.
Others felt that it was her cousin’s wedding so it was her decision what she wanted. There were also people who had the impression that Ife Nkili felt entitled to be her cousin’s maid of honor and that she wouldn’t agree to be just a guest if she didn’t have an important role in the wedding.
Some Twitter users saw those comments and actually didn’t believe that at all, because if they were called fat, they would pass on the wedding too.
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Others were suggesting that she show up and have the time of her life eating and drinking as a regular guest
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Being the maid of honor is, as the title says it, an honor. It is a special person the bride trusts the most as she is the one who plans the bridal shower and the bachelorette party, she is the one that the bride turns to for advice on her wedding dress and she holds the bride’s bouquet on the big day.
Maybe these responsibilities don’t seem like a big deal, but they symbolize the close relationship between two women. Ife Nkili really felt that she is close to her cousin, but turns out, she couldn’t accept her the way she was and was deprived of the role because her cousin didn’t want to change.
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Although there were some opinions that it's the cousins celebration so she should get what she wants
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Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, professor and chair of the Counseling and Higher Education department at Northern Illinois University that we, as humans, already very often think that we are never enough and strive for change, most often when comparing ourselves with others.
She writes in an article, “Some of us are born to be tall and slender; others are destined to be average and plump or any of a million other variations of the human body in all of its glory. And divergence and variety are okay. And enough. Do not allow others to generate self-doubt – you, alone, are the expert on you.”
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Also, some of them got the impression that Ife Nkili doesn't want to attend the wedding unless she is the maid of honor
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It must be even more devastating when someone you love points out those insecurities and confirms your inner thoughts and that it is actually such a big deal that you will miss their wedding when you try so hard to convince that people telling you similar words to Suzanne Degges-White’s are right.
But according to A Conscious Rethink, it’s not worth changing yourself because you want to please someone else: “in the long run, changing – or trying to change – who you are will spell nothing but trouble if the change isn’t authentic and natural.”
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However, most of them agreed that her body size shouldn't matter to her cousin
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Even though most reactions people had were supporting Ife Nkili, some thought she was making a big deal out of what could have been handled in a more simple way. We would love to hear your thoughts on Ife Nkili’s situation and what you would have done in her shoes, so leave it in the comments!