33 Older Adults Share Their Feelings On "The One Who Got Away" Now That Time Has Passed

We got in touch with Correct-Cycle5412 and they said they hadn't expected the thread to attract the attention that it did.

"The day before I posted the question, I had a rather deep discussion with a close friend who'd just been through a painful breakup," the Redditor told Bored Panda. "He told me that he had worked through a great deal of grief and was beginning to see his life clearly again without his ex, but he said that he felt as though he'd always regret that she hadn't turned out to be 'the one.'"

"It dawned on me that we've all emotionally invested in at least one relationship which turned out to not be sustainable, and I wondered whether that feeling of loss ever truly fades for anyone. The question sort of rolled naturally out of that thought process, so I can’t say that it exactly popped into my head. It seemed to stem from a truth."

After going through the replies they have received Correct-Cycle5412 said the most shocking thing to them was the number of "no."

"It's tempting to comfort a person (especially young people) in the wake of a failed relationship by saying that they will 'move on' and 'learn to love again,' but the responses to that post seem to show that that's not [always] the case."

"I hoped to read older responders giving a resounding affirmative answer, but I instead was stunned by a resounding 'no.'"

Claudia Brumbaugh, a psychologist who studies adult attachment at the City University of New York, says on average people think you should wait five months before entering a new relationship.

And there's a great benefit to moving on. In a study of people whose relationships had recently ended, those who quickly found new partners reported higher self-esteem and well-being and feeling less anxious.

Their relatively uninterrupted relationship status allows their lifestyle to flow smoothly as they transition from one partner to another.

Personally, Correct-Cycle5412 believes that once in love, we will carry a piece of that person inside of us whether the relationship itself continues or not.

"It pains me to admit this, but even before posting the question I've always felt that no one ever gets over a failed romance. Relationships fail because people either change or discover that their partner is not a suitable match. Even with that realization, we can't really escape the feeling of loss when an intimate partner is no longer in our lives, and we grieve the version of us that dies with the relationship. I can't see how that grief wouldn't be lifelong," they said.

Interestingly, studies suggest that while break-ups take a more immediate emotional toll on women, men suffer more in the long term and may never truly get over it.

Craig Morris, research associate at Binghamton University, believes the differences boil down to biology. Since women have more to lose by dating the wrong person, they are better at accepting a relationship is over and selecting a new partner.

"Put simply, women have evolved to invest far more in a relationship than a man," Morris said. "A brief romantic encounter could lead to nine months of pregnancy […] while the man may have 'left the scene' literally minutes after the encounter.”