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There was this scene in Beetlejuice where they conjured up the couple and they aged from young to decrepit very quickly, still holding hands. It’s like that, only with bills and grocery store trips.
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True love is looking at a growth on someone's b*m and telling them if they should get a doctor to look at it or not.
Poems, pop songs, movies — love shows up the same way almost everywhere. Fluttering hearts. Butterflies in the stomach. Countless phrases exist to capture that early rush of excitement. One of them is the “honeymoon period.”
It’s the feeling of not being able to stop thinking about someone. Of checking your phone every few minutes, hoping they texted. Of feeling like you’ve known this person forever, even though it’s only been a few weeks. Everything they do feels charming, and even their flaws feel kind of cute.
These feelings actually have a scientific explanation. Early-stage intense romantic love — the lovestruck kind most people picture — starts in a primitive part of the brain. Science shows it fires first in the midbrain, in the same reward system that drives basic survival urges.
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We often think of romantic love as a complex, euphoric emotion. But experts believe that the way it activates the brain's basic region suggests something simpler: love is actually a fundamental drive, hardwired to satisfy a core human need.
“Love is a biological necessity — it’s as needed for our well-being as exercise, water, and food. And from a neuroscientific viewpoint, we can really say that love blossoms in the brain,” says neuroscientist Stephanie Cacioppo, PhD.
Her research found that 12 brain regions work together to release chemicals when a person is in love. This includes the feel-good hormone dopamine, the “cuddle hormone” oxytocin, and adrenaline, which induces a euphoric sense of purpose.
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When people talk about a loved one, brain scans show increased blood flow to their reward circuit, including the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. Because these areas are highly sensitive to pleasure, they light up instantly at the mere mention of someone they love.
At the same time, our serotonin levels, a key hormone that regulates appetite and helps keep anxious and intrusive thoughts at bay, dip noticeably.
“This explains why people in the early stages of love can become obsessed with small details, spending hours debating about a text to or from their beloved,” says Dr. Cacioppo.
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When we were young we were going out to a bar or a restaurant or a show or someone's place to kick it at least three nights a week, usually like five nights, but now we're getting older and we rarely go out. We order in way more than we go to an actual sit-down restaurant.
The other key is to have hobbies. My wife in in a dance troupe that rehearses three nights a week, sometimes four, and I get out for runs or to go golfing or to play padel with the fellas or something. And we go out separately to bars and stuff without the other. So we get time apart.
But yeah the reality is about 90% of your life is sitting next to said person, not saying much.
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Every high comes with a crash, though. Over time, the blinding dopamine rush lowers, making way for hormones associated with long-term attachment and comfort. This is when we start seeing our partners for who they really are — flaws and all.
“It’s possible they’ve always been this way, but you just didn’t notice because of all the rush and excitement. Now you get to ask yourself, ‘Is this somebody I can spend time with? Is this somebody I still enjoy? Is this a person I can still laugh with?’” says psychologist Chivonna Childs, PhD.
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I've seen elderly spouses negate basic responsibility to their partner for 60 years. Then their spouse dies they have no clue how to function and end up in states of severe psychiatric duress where they have to be hospitalized.
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The good news is that as the initial thrill wears off and a couple grows more committed, brain activity actually expands. The brain simply opens up new pathways to support long-term trust, safety, and deep connection.
A 2019 study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience found that couples married for 20 years or more still showed brain activity in the same dopamine-rich reward centers.
Over time, love also activates the brain’s smarter, more practical regions. It taps into areas that handle complex language and subtle body cues. This is why long-term couples can finish each other’s sentences or cook together in a small kitchen without bumping into each other.
So while the honeymoon phase might be over, your brain is actually getting an upgrade.
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You will have periods where you wonder what happened to it because you'll realize it's different, you've done every date idea several times already so you start ordering take out and sitting in your backyard, again. You'll have disagreements about little things and bigger things because life doesn't stay the same. You'll have to take care of them sick, see them in the hospital, have to remind them the doctor said to take this pill or stop eating that thing.
Some people end up long distance because of work or some other obligation and you can't both go for whatever reason. Real love isn't infatuation, it's not a feeling, it's an action even when your mad and even when you feel like they don't see you. Sometimes they won't see you, they'll have hard times throughout the years like if a family member dies or they lose their job or they're medically unable to be present for a time, but sometimes you'll be that person in the relationship. So treat them during those down times the way you would want to be treated.
Your literally going through life with someone. It's going to be messy sometimes. It's going to s**k sometimes. People who stay married don't stay married because they're soul mates or the butterflies never went away, they stay married because they know. They know life isn't perfect and neither is marriage.
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The whole "love languages" thing may have been debunked or at least debated, but I do think there's some merit to it. More as a vague guidebook though.
I love my wife more than anything. I've always been a physical touch person, that's how I enjoy showing love and affection.
My wife is an acts of service and gift giving person.
For years I was loving her the way I like to love, and not the way she wanted to be loved. It made her feel unheard, unappreciated, and like she was shouldering an unfair amount of the burden(and she was, I fully admit that).
It wasn't until I pulled my head out of my a*s and loved her the way she wanted to be loved that things really fell back together again. It almost cost me my marriage.
This neural expansion of the brain actually comes with very real benefits.
Research shows that couples who stay together are healthier, wealthier, happier, and live longer than their solo peers.
But it’s not so much about being legally married as the benefits of being in a stable and healthy relationship.
Having a trusted partner lowers chronic stress hormones like cortisol, which in turn reduces blood pressure and strengthens the immune system.
This is also because stable couples usually pool resources and constantly look out for each other.
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