As you all may know quite well, Simon is a fully paid up lifetime member of The Flat Earth Society (Feline Auxiliary), and will to the best of his abilities, uphold the beliefs of the Society in order to bring those ideas to the general public until the world believes that this silly idea of a round earth is just a myth. Simon is not a blind believer in this philosophy, as he has a scientific mind and will not subscribe to anything that cannot be confirmed by empirical evidence. To this end Simon and most of the cat world will at every opportunity prove this hypothesis by gently pushing objects off the edge of everything. Just last week, in the middle of the night, he pushed my wife's jewelry box which weighs over four pounds, crashing to the floor at five am, thereby proving his theory but unfortunately destroying the results of the experiment. I asked Simon about this and his reply was “Great sacrifices must be made in the name of science”
Last night a breakthrough was made in his evidential testing. Unbeknownst to my wife and I, a large bottle of Fish Sauce became the latest of many light-night experiments to be conducted by this family genius. The standard positivist view of empirically acquired information that has been, that observation, experience, and experiment serve as neutral arbiters between competing theories is, as Simon says, crap. The fish sauce experiment was performed from the marble kitchen top to the tiled floor with so much delicacy and precision that neither my wife or I heard it. I, upon rising at five am in the pre-dawn darkness and striding purposefully in my tippy-toed un-slippered feet to the coffee altar, found myself ungracefully dancing on broken glass doused in a foul smelling liquid. I was quickly awake. Lights on. Simon sitting on the kitchen counter top watching me with his see-in-the-dark eyes. I looked at him, my eyes pleading for an answer to my ‘Why’ question. All Simon said was “tol u”.
Simon postulating
