“Know thyself.” I treasure those words written at the entrance of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. Knowing myself has been essential in every aspect of my life but especially so as an artist. In my view, an artist is someone who has the ability to express him/herself through art, to filter the many impressions of life and present them once again, back into the world. And in this quest of knowing myself to make art, being face to face with my sexuality has been inevitable. At times joyful and at others painful, honoring my sexuality has allowed me to know and appreciate myself in ways that would not have been possible in an asexual life experience.
An asexual life experience? Some might even laugh at that notion but women in particular are often pushed towards that sad mode of life. On one hand, religions have spread the notion of the pure, asexual woman as an ideal to strive for. On the other, the media portrays women as nothing more than a sexual object designed to serve and to always be willing to provide infinite amounts of pleasure. Both models of sexuality are equally undeserving of the wealth that is feminine sexuality. Those of us who cannot identify with either may find ourselves switching off our “sexuality” button and that is a great loss.
I don’t think sexuality is something we can compartmentalize and use only for sex. I suppose we could try to do that but it would be a shame because our sexuality can provide us with so much more. To me, sexuality encompasses that amazing desire towards something that springs from within and propels us to action effortlessly. It is our capacity to enjoy, to derive pleasure from all areas of our life where there’s room for creativity and joy. On the other hand, when we do not allow that energy to flow through us, life becomes nothing more than a long list of tasks that we must painfully plow through. Even sex can easily become an item on that list. The energy that gets us through those tasks is usually something less nourishing like guilt, anger and stress. We substitute the fulfillment that is inherent to sexuality with the heaviness of duty hoping that at the end of the day, someone will reward us for our sacrifice and efforts and we will love ourselves more. And it just doesn’t work.
So what does work? Sexuality like our identity is unique and everyone will express it, enjoy it and nourish it in different ways. For me, the first and most important decision was that I wanted to honor my sexuality. After that, I began to think of simple and practical ways in which I could welcome sexual energy into my life like:
1) Practicing specific yoga poses that help to dissolve energy blocks and allow for a freer flow of the primal energy of kundalini. Here’s an example of a yoga sequence http://www.doyouyoga.com/7-fabulous-yoga-poses-to-your-increase-libido/
2) Dancing. I love dancing, moving my body in new ways and being surprised by the movements that arise naturally to the sound of music. I began implementing dance pauses in my work day that allow me to leave my head and deepen my connection with my body.
3) Looking my best at all times. Dressing up for ourselves is such a powerful way to nourish our self-esteem. It is incredibly empowering to look in the mirror and recognize a beautiful, desirable and attractive human being.
4) Smile more. My husband who happens to be a good observer says that when I’m stressed my lips go missing. I’ve caught my “lipless-self” in the mirror before and she is pretty uptight. So, I try to add a smile to whatever it is that I’m doing, checking emails, cooking, grocery shopping and it’s like giving my “sexuality sun” a crack to shine through.
2) Dancing. I love dancing, moving my body in new ways and being surprised by the movements that arise naturally to the sound of music. I began implementing dance pauses in my work day that allow me to leave my head and deepen my connection with my body.
3) Looking my best at all times. Dressing up for ourselves is such a powerful way to nourish our self-esteem. It is incredibly empowering to look in the mirror and recognize a beautiful, desirable and attractive human being.
4) Smile more. My husband who happens to be a good observer says that when I’m stressed my lips go missing. I’ve caught my “lipless-self” in the mirror before and she is pretty uptight. So, I try to add a smile to whatever it is that I’m doing, checking emails, cooking, grocery shopping and it’s like giving my “sexuality sun” a crack to shine through.
If you have a partner, then I’d like to share a couple of things that were important for me to better understand my sexuality:
5) Giving and sharing pleasure is one of the most profound experiences of intimacy we can have. The problem is when we want to give pleasure because we think it’s our duty to. I think that at that point we lose our connection with our unique sexuality and begin playing roles that we picked up from the outside. Sexual fantasy is one thing and it can be part of the fun. However, having sex pretending to be someone else is a sure path to loneliness and self-loathing. Sexuality is a doorway to our deepest truths and when we lie to ourselves in sex, we know it and our partner knows it too. So again, “know thyself” is key in determining how we want to explore our sexuality with our partner.
6) Doing things to “get excited” masks the most important question of why are we unexcited with life. Sexual excitement because of a movie, a romantic dinner or a special holiday getaway will get us through the “duty” of sex but it will not have a lasting impact on the nature of our experience of our sexuality. Our consumer society loves to promote the easy triggers of excitement so it takes conscious effort to not succumb into what I think is a vicious cycle of shallow excitement.
6) Doing things to “get excited” masks the most important question of why are we unexcited with life. Sexual excitement because of a movie, a romantic dinner or a special holiday getaway will get us through the “duty” of sex but it will not have a lasting impact on the nature of our experience of our sexuality. Our consumer society loves to promote the easy triggers of excitement so it takes conscious effort to not succumb into what I think is a vicious cycle of shallow excitement.
It takes courage to explore the questions posed by our sexuality because the answers may lead to significant changes in life. As I mentioned before, I believe sexuality is a doorway to our essence and it makes the lies we tell ourselves painfully evident. By the same token, it also allows us to discover our greatest treasures, those that are the very reason why we are alive. To #LiveLove fully, we must learn to honor our sexuality. Our ability to harness this source of energy is proportional to our capacity to love ourselves truly. It is a continuous work-in-progress whose outcome we don’t measure, we experience.
More info: haikaa.com
We are unique in our expression of sexuality
