Funny,JokesMAY 11, 2022

137 Little Johnny Jokes We’ll Never Get Bored Of

Larysa Perih, Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė and Emma A. Smith

Weirdly enough, little Johnny jokes did not originate from the OG prankster Mister Shakespeare’s quill - nobody is entirely sure where these jokes come from. However, we have an origin theory of our own. Wanna hear it? Okay then, but don't be too surprised when we tell you it’s kids.

Yes, we think that Little Johnny’s jokes are based on children’s behavior and thoughts since they combine naivete and straightforwardness. Of course, there’s one more obvious reason to think this theory isn’t far from the truth: the person of the hour in these silly jokes is, actually, a kid.

Scroll down and find our selection of the best clean and dirty jokes! Don’t forget to vote for the most hilarious jokes and share this article with your friends who might be in need of comic relief.

#1

This week in Little Johnny’s English class, they were learning about punctuation. When they got to periods, Johnny asked, “Why are periods so important?” The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know. He said, “When my sister told us that she missed a period, my father began yelling, and my mom passed out.”

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88points

#2

Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately. There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Johnny always takes the nickel and the older boys laugh at him.

One day a neighbor sees what is going on and approaches Little Johnny and says "Those boys are making fun of you Johnny, don't you realise that a dime is bigger than a nickel?"

Johnny smiles and says "Yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far."

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78points

#3

Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
The teacher is shocked. “Of course not, Johnny! That would be very unfair!”
Johnny is relieved. “That’s good to know,” he says, “Because I haven’t done my homework.”

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73points

The Brief History Of Little Johnny Jokes

While it may seem that the Johnny joke manifested out of thin air without any particular catalyst, most of the jokes have an origin story. Corny jokes come from agrarian magazines, yo momma jokes were first created by William Shakespeare, and the little Johnny ones are a very old tradition passed down orally from generation to generation.

#4

Little Johnny is back at school after the holidays. After a few days, his teacher calls up Little Johnny's dad to report that Johnny has been behaving badly at school. His dad says to the teacher "Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for 2 months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved."

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68points

#5

Little Johnny's teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees little Johnny pulling faces at another child. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says "Johnny when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way."

Little Johnny looks up to her and says "Well miss, you can't say that you weren't warned."

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66points

#6

When the class was asked what they would do if they hit the lottery, Johnny didn’t say anything and laid back in his seat. He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question.

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54points

Where Did Little Johnny Jokes Originate?

Since the topic of lil Johnny jokes is so universal—a kid answering questions in a naive and honest manner—it’s hard to attribute them to any particular country. In fact, the number of little Johnny jokes have doubled and can be found in at least 26 countries around the world, from Mexico to the Czech Republic and from Romania to Indonesia.

The only thing that changes is the name of the protagonist, while the joke itself remains essentially the same. If you were wondering how our Little Johnny is called across the world, here are a few examples:

Argentina: Jaimito
Croatia: mali Ivica
Germany: Klein Fritzchen
Finland: Pikku-Kalle
Sri Lanka: Amdan
Senegal: Mandemba
Poland: Jasio
Armenia: Vardanik

Basically, there’s a little Johnny for each of the 26 countries. And when you think of it, it is truly wonderful how alike the sense of humor is across the globe.

#7

Little Johnny’s new sibling was crying and screaming for hours. He asked his parents where they got him from. They reply, “Oh, we got him straight from heaven.” Johnny said, “Jeez. I see why they kicked him out of there.”

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53points

#8

During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.

A friend asks: "Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert?"

Johnny replies: "I got a ticket from my sister."

The friend asks: "And where is your sister?"

Johnny says: "Back at home, looking for her ticket."

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52points

#9

Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?” Johnny: “One dollar.” Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.” Johnny: “And you don’t know my father!”

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51points

How Old Are Little Johnny Jokes?

Since nobody ever documented the first-ever mention of the Johnny joke, we can’t be sure how old they are. Our best bet would be it’s pretty old, which is, of course, no kind of answer.

However, we know for sure when little Johnny first became a star on the silver screen, if not in the written word.

Johnny’s Italian counterpart, Pierino (or Little Peter), became quite famous during the seventies and eighties with four zany comedy movies attributed to the character. The first one to hit the movie screens was a 1981 movie called “Pierino Contro Tutti,” and due to its popularity, three more movies featuring the character were made. It’s worth mentioning that these movies were definitely not meant for kids since they featured a comprehensive dirty little Johnny jokes collection.

Have you seen them? If so, let us know your impressions in the comments.

#10

Teacher: "Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago?"

Little Johnny: "Me!"

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49points

#11

English teacher asks the class: “Which tense is the sentence ‘I AM BEAUTIFUL’?”

Little Johnny replies, “Clearly, past tense.”

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46points

#12

Teacher: "How much is half of 8?"

Little Johnny: "Up and down or across?"

Teacher: "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny: "Well, up and down makes a 3, or across the middle leaves a 0!"

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46points

Who Makes Little Johnny Jokes?

Because of their universal nature, the lil Johnny jokes can be made by absolutely anyone. Just make sure to choose the appropriate ones for the occasion!

Lots of these jokes are absolutely appropriate for kids of various ages, but there are also quite a few dirty little Johnny jokes around. Our advice is to read the full joke yourself before sharing it with others.

Love edgy humor that doesn't hold back? You'll find even more boundary-pushing laughs in our dirty jokes and adult jokes collections.

#13

“So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it, mom. You’ll see it later on the news, anyways.”

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44points

#14

The teacher asked the class to stand up if they ever feel stupid. Johnny groaned before standing. She asked, “So Johnny feels stupid occasionally?” To which he replied, “No, but it must be hard for you to stand alone.”

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43points

#15

Teacher: "Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner?"

Johnny: "No miss, my mother is a really good cook."

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42points

#16

Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?” Johnny: “A new bike”.

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41points

#17

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.

Susie said, "He was born in a manger."

Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."

Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."

Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"

"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"

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41points

#18

The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear. “I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?” “From my father.” said Johnny. “Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.” “I do.” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

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40points

#19

Teacher: "What is an island?"

Little Johnny: "A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side."

Teacher: "On one side?"

Little Johnny: "Yes, on top!"

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40points

#20

Little Johnny was sent back to bed for the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused. She says, “Johnny, if I hear one more time ‘Mommy, I want this, mommy, I want that’, you will be in big trouble! I don’t want to hear the word mommy again tonight. Now off to bed you go!” There’s a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, “Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please.”

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39points