I remember sitting on the couch in the counselor's office and looking a picture on the wall as my son told the counselor he heard voices and saw things. My son told him about a hand that came over the car and a shadow that came out of the wall. I tried so hard to concentrate on the picture so I wouldn't cry. It didn't work. I turned my face away from them acting like I was looking at different picture. When the tears began to roll down my face, I was careful to not make a sound. The counselor noticed I was losing it and he spoke reassuringly to me, "a lot of things can make a person see things that are not there. High anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress can cause hallucinations as well". My son said that it had felt real and he just wanted it to stop. The counselor went on to thank my son for telling him about what happened and that he believed him. My son seemed relieved. We went from there to the psychiatrist's office. We had to tell the story again. I never realized how tired you can get from just talking. I was exhausted and the scary things weren't even happening to me. She listened and thanked him for telling her what was really going on with him. She said if he was really honest when they spoke she could help. She had him try different types of drugs. Some worked and some drugs made things worse. At one visit, she advised me that my son said he want to kill me. She put him on a different mood stabilizer and he went to my ex's for the weekend. The psychiatrist is an amazing women and really listens to my son and I. She is just one of many people that I have wrapped around my son to keep him in my home instead of in an institution. Talking about how your feeling and if your meds are working is small talk for us at my house. It is apart of who we are as a family. We are medication compliant at my home. Some people take medication and some choose holistic methods. I am not saying that as a parent you must medicate your child for them to be "good". It depends on the kid and the diagnosis. Reach out and find what works for your family. Again no judgement.
First and foremost, we need to believe our loved ones. Seek to understand their reality. Reassure and comfort them. If we begin to judge them, the chance of saving their lives now or later may be lost due to mistrust and fear. We have to believe what they say and take them to someone or lots of someones to get more information. Knowledge is power. Knowing how they really feel instead of getting what my daughter would say is the teacher answer of "I don't know or I don't care" is critical. We have to do better than that. We have to go into counseling with them. We have to validate them in meetings with doctors. We have to find ways to build trust with our child so they feel open enough to share what is really going on with them. My son's birth parents have a long history with CPS and I was fully prepped of their mental health issues when I adopted my son. I knew he had a chance of this happening because they are both schizophrenic. I feel that being open and nonjudgmental lays a foundation of trust. My son has ADHD as well and mood swings and I have taken him to mental health professionals in his earlier years. I had one doctor even tell my son that he should never try illegal drugs because it could make him hear voices as well. My son was like that is awful and they had a really open talk about how drugs can hurt your brain. It was probably not how I would have started the conversation with my son years ago but I look back now and it is one more thing that allowed us to get him help and keep him safe. My son is an amazing kid and so are my girls. They are all beautiful and creative. My middle daughter read my blog and said she wanted to add to it. I was surprised and happy that she was bold enough to speak out about how she felt as a teenager with depression. We will be posting her journal entries into my blog maybe next week. When her teacher saw her journal, he told my daughter about his depression. It was a bonding moment for them and they support each other at school now. She says, "He really gets it". I am glad someone at her school gets it.
My son's school is just as understanding and have built a crisis plan around him at school so he can deal with flashbacks or the voices in healthy way. The teachers and I have practiced grounding techniques together.
1. We both ask these questions when we ground him:
What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste?
2. We both have comfort kits to use with my son is struggling with his feelings. One at home and one at school. Many things are in the box. It can turn his day around. Read my blog on comfort kits to make one if your child is going thru a stressful situation.
3. We both give him a calm place to go when he is overwhelmed and they even worked in a stop to the health class where all the pets at school are.
We must be open to all there is to learn and be open when something scares us. If we are open, then we have a chance. I had a reader post a comment on my blog when I posted it to BoredPanda.com. BoredPanda is a fun site, but they said something very simple and meaningful that I think we have to do something about and fast. How many people are out there now feeling alone and are struggling with the fear of rejection from the ones they love because they hear voices or see hallucinations? How many are alone and feeling lost but are more afraid of losing the ones they love than dealing with the hallucinations or delusions. I try to imagine what my son is going thru some days and I wonder if I could get up the next day if I was him. My children are the strongest people I know. They still get up every morning and keep going. Who can really judge another? Who can really understand what it feels like to have schizophrenia expect another schizophrenic? I can use empathy to be vulnerable to the process and be open without judgement. If I am vulnerable with another person in the truest sense I just listen and support. No judgement. Don't listen to speak but listen to understand. Staying a place of non judgment doesn't mean you don't protect everyone or yourself, it just means we don't label anything good or bad. It is what it is. Non judgement allows you to deal with the symptoms and allow the individual to feel open enough to share what is happening. Stay in a place of non-judgement with your loved ones. Stay open and believe them. Believe them so they don't have to be alone. Believing them may save their lives.
