The hardest thing about a failed relationship is the lessons after a breakup. They come at us when we are at our lowest moments when it seems like the world around us is against us. The rose-colored glasses come off, and reality hits us — we think about the mistakes we made and their consequences. After all, the best lessons are the ones that come from mistakes — yours or others’. But, if you are looking for a way of getting over a breakup, you have to accept the fact that you will change.
The best breakup and love lessons are the ones that help us change — for the better or worse. Change is good, especially after ending a loving relationship with a person you truly cared for. If the breakup was your mistake, you change for the better by looking at what you did and trying to become a better person. If the breakup came from your partner, then you might change for the worse — become more pessimistic and tend to write everything off as fake red flags. However, the life lessons that we learn in the process are always trying to help us. Sometimes, these lessons cost us our time, and other times — a piece of ourselves.
The best lessons of love are the ones that are clear in the message they are trying to convey. Break up, make up, and move on — if this lesson is not enough, other internet users have something to teach you. For example, Life_Rub6905 asked an interesting question on the popular AskReddit group — “What's the most valuable lesson you've learned from a failed relationship?” As with many hard lessons, some are more worthy of learning than others, so be sure to upvote the ones you liked. If you have a lesson of your own, share it in the comments below. Otherwise, if you have a friend going through a horrible breakup, share this list with them.
#1
"It's OK to argue. It's not OK to hurt each other when you argue.
It's OK to expect things from each other. It's not OK to keep score against your partner.
It's OK to have different views about living together. It's not OK to undermine the views of your partner."
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22points
#2
"Better to be alone than be with a person who makes you feel alone."
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22points
#3
"No relationship is better than a bad relationship. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
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21points
#5
"You can genuinely love someone, or be genuinely loved by someone, and still be incompatible as relationship partners. Someone can genuinely love you and still hurt you terribly, unintentionally, purely just because of who and how they are; and you don't have to accept it and stay just because of the love."
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19points
#6
"If a person doesn’t let you be yourself, then they don’t want you, they just want something from you."
18points
#8
"Make sure you have you’re financing in order to be able to walk away at any point, never find yourself financially trapped with someone you don’t want to be with."
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17points
#9
"The effort the other party puts in is the amount they care. One person cannot solo-carry a relationship."
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17points
#11
Mothmaninfishnets said:
"Don’t lose yourself in your S/O it can be hard to find your own identity again after the relationship ends."
"Don’t lose yourself in your S/O it can be hard to find your own identity again after the relationship ends."
RiverLover27 replied:
"Agreed. After I left my first husband (musician/music snob), I remember listening to a new album I bought and wondering if I liked it. I genuinely didn’t know if I could ‘allow’ myself to, because he hadn’t told me if it was good or not. It makes me shake my head now, but it took so long to be able to make decisions for myself again."
"Agreed. After I left my first husband (musician/music snob), I remember listening to a new album I bought and wondering if I liked it. I genuinely didn’t know if I could ‘allow’ myself to, because he hadn’t told me if it was good or not. It makes me shake my head now, but it took so long to be able to make decisions for myself again."
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16points
#12
"Just because someone understands you doesn't mean they respect you."
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16points
#15
"Do not ignore any red flags in the beginning; they don’t go away or disappear with time."
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15points
#18
"If you think they're lying, they probably are. Trust your instincts."
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14points
#19
"Some people's destiny is to be alone (and I can say that after 20 yrs since my divorce at 40, it's wonderful)."
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14points