In a world governed by unattainable beauty standards, photo editing, plastic surgeries, flawless skin, timeless youth, perfect smiles and… the list is endless, appearance is something that it seems our society is wildly obsessed with.
A national survey from Allure found that the first thing 64% of people notice about someone is how attractive he or she is. And half of us—that's every other person—think appearance defines us significantly or completely. Now think of the professional careers, job interviews, dates, and overall success, and it clicks—the way we see beauty has indeed a very ugly side.
So when someone asked women on Reddit this uncomfortable question, “What are the lesser-known problems of being an unattractive woman?” the brutally honest and often sad responses started flowing in.
Below are some of the most revealing ones that should really make us all stop and reflect on why we judge others so much and how we can change that.
#1
People being rude to you, especially men. If they’re not attracted to you, then you don't deserve respect nor decency.
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263points
#2
If a skinny, pretty girl dresses super casual with no effort, it’s cute and trendy, but if I do it I’m lazy and don’t care about my looks.
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261points
#3
When someone does genuinely find you attractive and you think it's a joke
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241points
We reached out to the author of this Reddit thread who said he believes that we all live in a world that’s too obsessed with looks. According to BaymaxTheBot, “everyone has social media and if you do not have it, it seems that something must be wrong with you. We take 1000 pictures of ourselves to share the one we think we look the best in.”
According to the author who posted the question on r/AskWomen, sharing your selfies on social media is one of the easiest ways to receive external validation. Moreover, “everyone chases confidence and a boost to their self-esteem. That's what gets you hooked to social media; the constant need to seek this feeling of self-reassurance,” he said.
#4
As a fat woman: not being able to go to 90% of my doctor's visits without my weight being brought up. I mean, that's fine in a checkup or physical, but if I go in because I have a sinus infection, I don't really feel the need to discuss how fat I am right at that moment unless it's somehow going to clear up my sinus infection.
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231points
#5
Oh, I'm excited for this one. I'm pretty attractive, I get hit on regularly - I'm attractive enough to appeal to a wide swathe of individuals, but not so attractive as to be intimidating.
But I wasn't always, for five years I was fat because of medication. Last year, I got super toned and lost the weight when I went off the meds. I'm now training for competitive powerlifting.
I was cute before I gained the weight, but somehow, my thirties have been amazing - this weight loss left me with anime eyes and cut cheekbones, a look I've never had before.
I am treated better in every facet of my life and it has given me genuine body dysmorphia that I have been in therapy for.
Men offer me free things, they constantly hit on me; women ask for advice constantly, and all ANYONE wants to discuss is how I look, which is the least interesting f**king thing about me.
Pretty privilege and thin privilege are absolutely real, and the worst part is finding out that my biggest fear - that I was worth less to society when I weighed more - was absolutely f**king true.
Thanks, society, for the super awesome body dysmorphia you have now given me.
What's interesting is that I spent so many years in the shadows that I have zero interest in coming out of them anymore, but just like when I was fat, people think they have some sort of right to discuss my appearance blatantly.
It's disgusting, and all it does is show how incredibly undervalued women are for anything other than our looks.
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207points
#6
That no matter how often your significant other tells you that you’re beautiful, you constantly compare yourself to more attractive women and feel that you’ll never be enough.
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191points
When asked what he thought of the overwhelming responses his questions received, the Redditor said he did not expect this amount of attention nor this amount of people relating in some way.
When it comes to judging others by their appearance, BaymaxTheBot said that it really depends on the person, but usually, “we put an emphasis on appearance because it's the first thing we notice about the other and according to this perception we are more or less willing to associate with someone.”
#7
People thinking that you don't have the right to like yourself or thinking that your confidence is 'brave.' F**k off.
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188points
#8
Spending ages trying to dress up nicely only to go outside and realize that everyone else is still a million times more attractive than you.
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176points
#9
Being invisible next to your friends. They're all having fun, and you just sit there, and no one is talking to you
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157points
#10
Unsolicited weight loss/health advice (that is often wrong and does not consider my health at all) and unsolicited advice on how to be attractive to men.
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142points
#11
That you should be grateful that any man wants to sleep with you and it’s selfish to think that you deserve to be in a relationship with respect. I’m apparently fine to sleep with but heaven forbid they take me outside the house and be seen with me even if they themselves aren’t conventionally attractive.
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140points
#12
It’s a lot harder in the office. Women have a hard enough time rising to higher ranks or being taken seriously but it’s very annoying when the pretty women are taken more seriously. Heck same is true for men. Good looks win jobs
121points
#13
Most men assumed that I was going to be easy — as in easy to have sex with — because they think I have no self-esteem and seek validation with sex.
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115points
#14
Fewer job opportunities. Attractiveness plays a part in getting hired.
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110points
#15
People constantly trying to fix me. My aunty asked me how I was going to get a man with a body like mine and my dressing style. Mind you, she is pushing 50 with no man, but OK.
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110points
#16
Empathy and sympathy. People want to comfort you when you're the cute, pretty crier, protect you. I rarely see ugly people being the face of depression or mental illness on social media.
Not so much when you're ugly. It's kind of just awkward.
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96points
#17
Sometimes I feel bad for my partner, thinking he's embarrassed or could do better.
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91points
#18
When I was fat, they would hit on my significant other right in front of me. When I’m slim, they look at him and immediately look at the floor and walk away.
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90points
#19
I lost a lot of weight after getting married & you'd be surprised how many people have said to me "Awww, he loved you for what you were on the inside!" The implication of course being he didn't find me attractive before but for some reason pursued me anyway - girl, what?
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87points
#20
I was treated differently than my attractive friends. People were less helpful to me, left me out of everything (especially photos), and only wanted me around when it suited them.
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84points