Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About

We have long heard how necessary it is to steer clear of people who exhibit harmful behaviors and questionable patterns in relationships, but exactly what common signs should we be looking out for? To gain more insight from an expert, we reached out to Anna Eden, a dating and intimacy coach aiming to help career-focused people who’ve "made it" in life to make it in love so they can feel 100% fulfilled.

According to Eden, the most critical and glaring red flag women should be cautious about is physical, emotional, or mental abuse. "Any man that brings you down rather than lifts you up is a red flag," she told Bored Panda.

"Pay close attention because mental abuse starts with seemingly small things like not approving of your clothes, questioning your friends, or different levels of gaslighting, which means making you question yourself and your truth so you think you’re the crazy or unreasonable one. Any signs of abuse in any form mean 'thank you, next.'"

Another warning sign to look out for is "love bombing" — when men shower you with promises, flattery, and gifts at the early stage of dating. "This all feeds our Disney princess dream and we feel very special — it’s hypnotizing. But keep in mind this behavior usually comes from a manipulative place and is a learned rather than genuine behavior to win you over. If a man promises you the moon, be cautious," Eden said.

Moreover, if you notice any signals of controlling behavior such as "'don’t have too much fun *wink wink*' when you are about to go out with your girlfriends, or the very manipulative one 'text me when you get home' when you haven’t been with him," it might indicate you should stay far, far away.

Lastly, playing "lowkey" is also a questionable behavior that should give you serious pause because it can sometimes indicate a larger problem. "They seem to be operating under the radar and don’t take you out in public or introduce you to their friends. You don’t want to be a secret, and the question is why you are," the coach explained.

However, picking up the red flags in your relationship, even the most painfully obvious ones, can be tricky if other things are going well. On top of that, it can be hard to pinpoint what is making us feel uncomfortable as "love is blind," and it makes us less rational, Eden said.

"We become this bubbly cocktail of happy love hormones feeling the butterflies, and tend to ignore the red flags because of the infatuation. That’s why we get to check in with ourselves and use our friends as a reality check — they are usually right and can point out our blind spots when we are not able to."

Coach Eden stressed the importance of noting repeated harmful behaviors if you want to find a partner who’s right for you. Unfortunately, very few things can make you as thrilled to bits as those early days in a new relationship, potentially clouding your judgment and overlooking your partner's less-than-ideal qualities.

"I believe many of us are wired in a way that we turn a blind eye towards the red flags," Eden noted. But having said that, she also explained we have the power to receive nurturing, caring, and drama-free love. "Dating 'bad boys,' attracting unavailable men, throwing ourselves into abusive relationships might feel familiar and therefore safe, as crazy as it seems. It’s something we are used to and so we continue doing it."

"If you recognize this, let me break it to you: it’s a pattern that you choose (subconsciously), not a curse that you’re a victim of. Working on yourself takes a lot of courage but will set you free and train you to get to a place where red flags are not even coming into your field because you vibrate higher."

Alarmingly, negative behaviors can turn into serious issues as the relationship evolves because the foundation is not solid. "We would deepen the connection and bond with each other on the wrong terms, normalizing abuse, dishonesty, and control in the container, a recipe to slowly break ourselves down," the coach warned.

As many of us tend to fall into old patterns of attracting people like the ones who hurt us in the past, it’s time to "get conscious about our wounds and snap out of that spiral. Dating consciously involves being fully aware and really checking in with yourself if the connection and person are in alignment with you and that you don’t lose yourself in the process," she noted.

"When we aren’t conscious, we tend to attract what feels familiar, which is not always healthy. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to snap out of this, that’s essentially what life is about in my opinion, to learn to relate and love through trial and error in order to evolve as a soul."

To avoid dating and finding yourself in a partnership with men who share harmful qualities, Eden advised you to avoid settling for less. "A key is to shift the focus from 'needing' someone to 'being open to connect' with someone," the coach explained. "When we throw ourselves into dating and relationships because we want it so badly, we are more likely to ignore what is really important to us. Are you chasing the concept of love or actual love?"

"Also pay attention to whether you’re coming from a scarcity or abundance mindset. Settling for less because 'it’s hard to find a man' or seeing the abundance of beautiful good men in the world. That will reflect your choices and luck in this game."