Few things are as messy as inheritances. In fact, if there are problems in a family, it’s quite likely everything will be messy from that point on.
But, believe it or not, it’s not just about greed. Sometimes, it’s about fairness, or even justice. Money per se is not the destination, but rather a means, or mayhaps a complication, in the whole scheme of things.
This is exemplified in a recent Am I The A-Hole story posted by a father who thought dividing up the inheritance equally would be the best thing for everyone. But, alas, it ended in family drama.
More Info: Reddit
Few things are as messy as inheritances, but it's not always about money—but rather about fairness and respect
Image credits: William Whyte (not the actual photo)
So, a 62-year-old dad of 2, biologically speaking, adult children—both in their early 30s—and a stepdad to another kid, a 12-year-old boy, has recently approached the Am I The A-Hole community for some perspective.
You see, OP admits he wasn’t the best father figure with his 2 biological kids. Growing up, he would often prioritize work over family—having your own business demands certain sacrifices. So, their relationship was anything but a good one. It got better when the kids became adults, but you can bet there is some issue there, especially given that entrepreneurship had its ups and downs, begging the question “was it worth it?”
His relationship with his stepson, on the other hand, is great. And while 4 years later, it’s still not at the stage of “being a dad” to him just yet, being “a close uncle” seems like a win in his book for now.
A dad recently visited the AITA community to find out if giving equal parts of his inheritance to his kids was the right thing to do
Image credits: Particular-Song-5748
Given this context, OP started thinking more about his will. He had an idea to split his inheritance equally among his kids as follows: leaving about 60% of his assets to all three kids, each getting 20%. The wife will get about 30%. The business he has will be going to his biological kids, unless his wife or stepson decide to get involved in the future, but his biological kids would get majority stakes either way.
Having always prioritized his business, his biological kids felt it unfair that the stepson, who has been there just 4 years, is elevated to the same level as his actual kids
Image credits: Particular-Song-5748
Seems fair, right? Well, no, because there’s more nuance to that. Remember how we mentioned him admitting that he wasn’t the best of dads? His biological kids claim that they had to grow up with a “cold, emotionally and physically distant or unavailable father” who was too busy with the business so he could bring food to the table.
Later on, OP gave specific numbers on what the inheritance looked like, with 60% of being split into equal parts among the 3 kids
Image credits: Particular-Song-5748
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
They went on to say that, unlike them, the stepson now sees the dad as a new person, one who doesn’t work as much, and they can all enjoy their luxurious life because the business is booming. But that is exactly the problem—this kid always got the good side of things.
It seems that it wasn’t about the money here—it was about reconciling relationships and being fair. Throughout the post, the dad acknowledged several times that he understood his biological children’s concerns and reasoning. Still, he felt like sharing it with the AITA community.
And they sided with his biological kids, you can say.
The community sided with the biological children, for a number of reasons, but mostly because it was surely unfair given the context
Folks online certainly saw the unfairness of the situation. Not only was it on a chronological degree, whereby his biological kids have spent their entire lives with the dad, and the stepson has only been in the picture for 4 years, but also considering how much different he was as a father figure to them versus the stepson.
Image credits: Enric Cruz López (not the actual photo)
Most agreed that while it is a nice gesture to include the stepson in the inheritance, he shouldn’t be considered an equal in it. Not now, at least. If he was to leave it equal, it would mean he’s “elevating” the stepson to a level equal to his actual children, and that is, if anything, disrespectful towards the kids.
The overall consensus was YTA, or you’re the a-hole, aimed at OP. An edit was also added to the post, whereby OP elaborated on how the will was originally planned out, and how he was reconsidering this whole deal.