Most often, when women aren’t comfortable around men, they try to appease, thinking that in this way they won’t get hurt. But the men will interpret their smile and shyness as an invitation, so more and more women are realizing that the best way to get rid of unwanted attention is to pretend you’re crazy, that you’re hearing voices or that you are interested in organ donors.
This woman went even further. She was almost assaulted by a gas station worker and knowing that police wouldn’t do anything from prior experience, she decided that she needed to scare the employee and tormented him for 6 months with visits he didn’t know what to expect from.
More info: Reddit
Woman was pretty annoyed that a gas station worker tried to assault her, so she came up with a revenge plan that continued for 6 months
Image credits: Piccinng (not the actual photo)
The story took place 4 years ago and at that time, the Original Poster (OP) worked at a club as a dancer and she would finish in the middle of the night. At 3 or 4 am, only gas stations would be open, so she would regularly drop by this one specific place.
There would always be the same employee working who she didn’t perceive as a creep and felt that he was rather friendly. Until he once told the woman that she didn’t have to pay for the things she was buying and invited her to the back of the gas station wanting to show her something, but actually planning on assaulting her.
The author of the post finished her work in the middle of the night and the only places open were gas stations, so she would regularly visit one near her home
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
Fortunately, the woman was stronger than him and threw him into the wall. Her first thought was to call the police, but in that area, they were not very trustworthy. You never knew if they would show up when there were gunshots, let alone someone grabbing you by the arm.
In the comments, the woman remembered how she was once stalked by a wanted rapist but when she reported him to the police there, the first two times, they didn’t even show up and the third time she was told that until he committed an actual crime, to not call. They didn’t even allow her to file a report.
Bored Panda contacted associate professor of psychology at Manhattan College who studies street harassment Kimberly M. Fairchild and she explained why the woman in the story was right, "Unfortunately, most sexual harassment comes down to a 'he said, she said' situation. In this story, she could have called the police, but without evidence there isn’t much that can be done. This is a common issue for sexual harassment in public (or street harassment). Because it often falls short of assault, there isn’t much that the police can do. There are some countries that have created laws against public harassment, including sexual harassment, but it is difficult to see how they are enforceable and if they are actually stopping the problem. In a country like the US, such laws are highly unlikely as they come up against freedom of speech rights."
One time the employee who always worked there told her he wanted to show her something, took her to the back room and grabbed the woman by the arm
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
We also reached out to Sophie Sandberg, a gender justice activist, chalk artist and founder of the popular initiative against street harassment, Catcalls of NYC. Just like Fairchild, she noticed that sexual harassment cases most often aren't taken seriously, "Sexual harassment–and all forms of sexual violence–tends to be downplayed and not taken seriously. This is because it is normally perpetrated against women and we live in a world that perpetuates rape culture. The culture tells us that women should want male attention, flirting, etc. It also blames women when they come forward about sexual harassment etc. saying they were 'asking for it' or provoking the attention somehow."
What Sophie Sandberg would like is for people in charge to create "better systems and interventions where women can report sexual harassment and assault." One of the ways she tries to do it herself is a collaboration between her initiative Catcalls of NYC and an app "called SafeCity that helps anyone facing gender-based violence in public space report it. These reports help [them] collect data and impact policy / other actions on these issues."
It was understandable that the OP didn’t expect any help from the police, especially having her previous experience in mind, so she went to the gas station the very next day to get a confession out of him to have as proof and recorded him on her phone.
The woman was stronger than the employee and shoved him into the wall but that was the most she could do as police were no use in that situation
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
The employee was pretty pleased and was smiling and flexing in front of the camera until she let him know how angry she was, but that didn’t actually scare him, which, of course, made the OP even more frustrated.
It was actually really brave of her, as Dr. Fairchild noted, because this whole situation could have ended very differently, "There is inherent danger in what the woman in the story did. She believes that by having his recorded confession to grabbing her offered her some leverage over him that he wouldn’t try again, but there was nothing really stopping him from escalating the situation with her - following her home, waiting for her outside, and much worse. She was definitely taking a big chance with what she did."
One of the reasons the woman did come back after was because she realized that she probably wasn’t the only one in danger and in order to protect other women, the man needed to be scared enough to not want to engage with them anymore. Punching him was not an option even though physically she was able to, but that might alert the police, however incompetent they were.
However, when she saw that the man was actually proud of what he did, the woman was even more mad and thought of other women he could assault
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
The lesson needed to be more subtle and there are plenty of ways of teaching it. The woman decided to convince the man that she was mentally unstable, but was not doing anything about it and he was her target.
Sophie Sandberg noted that although the method may be useful and effecting but she can see it as further stigmatizing mental illness, "Acting 'crazy' or mentally unstable can unfortunately contribute to the idea that people who are mentally ill are scary / unattractive / dangerous. That may not be the intention, but it's not a good stereotype to perpetuate."
What the OP would do was she would come to the gas station irregularly. Sometimes it was every day, but sometimes she wouldn’t show up for a couple of weeks. But every time she would put up a show. She would sing loudly and wouldn’t let the employee speak, she would stare at him and tell him random stories, but the best one was when she came in with a mouth full of coins.
That time she was buying honey and put the amount of coins that would pay for the honey in her mouth. The woman admitted that it was gross, but it was worth going through it to see the man’s face after she spit it out on the counter, but not before staring at him for 10 minutes straight.
That is why she decided to haunt the gas station employee like a ghost for 6 months and turn up unexpectedly
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
Image credits: Tim Samuel (not the actual image)
Dr. Fairchild truly admires the woman for thinking about other potential victims and executing such a long-term revenge plan, but she feels that the OP put herself in a vulnerable position because "if the man had decided to escalate the story she’d be telling would be very different. I do wish she would have contacted the owner of the gas station and reported what happened. It may have not led to any change, but it is possible that the owner had a list of complaints about the man and this tipped it over the edge to fire him."
Thankfully, the woman assessed the situation correctly and the man didn't escalate anything so she continued with he torments for about 6 months. The last time she came was with her boyfriend. He played along with her spectacle of accusing the man of not being as friendly with her as he was that night when he wanted to take her to the back room.
The man didn’t have anything to say but she didn’t really allow him. Before she left, the woman told him that she would bring the man a gift to his house because she knew where he lived as she followed him home.
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
Then she would pretend to be mentally unstable and every time it was something different like singing loudly, eating candy or spitting coins
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
This was the last time the OP saw the man who almost assaulted her, so she doesn’t know if he still works there, if he still lives in the same place or if his treatment of women has changed, but hoped that he would remember her before putting his hands on another woman.
Sophie Sandberg also sees it as a possible outcome, "I definitely think it's possible that this would work in this situation, and make this man think twice before trying to assault another woman. However, there need to be more widespread actions to prevent future assaults. The burden cannot be on every woman who is assaulted to seek revenge and act like this."
Although, that might be wishful thinking because in Kimberley M. Fairchild's opinion, the man didn't learn what was taught but realized a different truth, "I doubt that it will make the man think twice or stop him from harassing or assaulting another woman. He may be more careful about who he targets, looking for a woman who seems more vulnerable. Unfortunately, he will probably put this one woman in a mental box as 'that crazy lady' and keep that mental box separate from his predatory views of other women. Once we have schemas and stereotypes of categories of people, we aren’t likely to change them and we box off the outliers and exceptions so as to maintain our current beliefs."
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
It was starting to affect the man as the author of the story noticed him twitching, so she thought the lesson was learnt
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
Despite that, the OP’s method seems to be the most effective when it comes to making someone not want to talk to leaving you alone as it’s too much to ask them to understand a simple “no” or even when women say that they are already in a relationship.
There was actually a whole trend on TikTok of women barking at men when they catcall or harass them, pretending to be a bit mentally unstable and hoping that men will be scared enough to just turn around and mind their own business.
It’s hard to determine who came up with the original idea, but in 2020, a lot of women started sharing videos of how they barked at men or telling stories about how men actually left them alone after they barked at them. They encouraged other women to stay “crazy” and stay safe.
One of the videos that went viral is by TikTok user lo.bachman. The woman was filming a video for her followers about how she didn’t feel her top’s color was matching her hair when a man said hello to her. You could see that the woman felt uncomfortable at first but then she got mad after the man commented “So fine. Oh my God!” to which she responded with a bark.
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
Activist Sophie Sandberg thinks that this trends is firstly "representative of how hard it is to respond to harassment. When people message me asking how to respond to sexual harassment, I have trouble knowing what to tell them. Responding by saying stop can lead to more harassment, and not responding can lead to the woman potentially being harassed further."
She actually applauds women who are brave enough to bark at men when their attention is not wanted because in her opinion, "it subverts the idea that women are there to be pretty or sexually appealing to men."
But her boyfriend really wanted to see the man so she brought him for one last visit and this time they both put on a show
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
There was another story that Bored Panda covered about a woman who was also using a similar method to the OP of the Reddit story. When men would try to talk with her or ask for her number, the woman would tell them that they don’t want anything to do with her because she will harvest their organs and sell them on the black market, or she likes to dig up dead things and eat them.
Extreme problems call for extreme solutions and if it works, then why not try it out? The worst thing that could happen is that the man will think you’re crazy, which is actually the point because then they will be scared.
Expert Fairchild also agrees that women acting crazy, barking "or just plain being loud can often be enough to deter a harasser or assailant because it can draw attention." She added, "I think what you see with the barking is what is commonly instructed to women to avoid assault or abduction - don’t be passive and don’t be silent. The men who do these things are looking for easy targets, for women who won’t fight back or talk back. When women bark or get loud, it draws other people’s attention to what’s happening, which takes the power away from the harasser."
Before leaving, the woman promised to come to the worker's home to drop off a gift, letting him know she'd followed him home
Image credits: Marie-Michele Bouchard (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/spideratemyface
What do you think about OP’s revenge story? Do you feel the man deserved to be tormented and be scared to sleep at night not knowing if she’d come to his house? What do you do to repel men when you don’t want to talk to them? Would you consider barking at them, pretending to be insane or lying about your interests to scare them away? Let us know in the comments.
Although it's sad that women have to take such measures to protect themselves, readers were fascinated by the woman's dedication
