Lawyers Are Sharing 30 Fails They’ve Witnessed In Court

Not a lawyer, legal assistant. My attorney is pretty old so he needs me to help him find papers in stuff in the courtroom so I go over for all domestic and criminal cases. We had a custody case where the mom was already screwed because she was literally picked up by a bounty hunter while the dad was there getting their daughter for visitation.

Anyway, dad’s new wife gets on stand and testifies that the mom, the defendant, threatened to blow their house up. Mom gets on stands and says, “I didn’t threaten to blow your house up. I threatened to blow you up.”

I remembered another one. Had a criminal client who choked his wife out. Told the investigator, ”I mean I knew what I was doing, I know how to choke someone out without killin’ ’em.”

Never change, Alabama.

One time, I saw an indigent defendant who was in custody tell the judge his public defender wasn't working hard enough and he wanted the judge to appoint different counsel. The judge asked him what specifically was the problem and he said "I don't want a female lawyer. I need a man who can take charge and fight for me" or something very similar to that. The judge (also female) said that's not how it works, then he starting yelling and getting into specifics about his public defender, just mainly I don't like her, she won't visit me, etc. The judge is annoyed and looks at him and is like fine, I'll appoint another attorney for you, but because you are not satisfied with your attorney and I need time to appoint you new counsel I am not going to hear any other issues today and will reset your case.

A few days later the judge sends defendant notice of his new appointed attorney, who happens to also be female, and notice of the case reset for six weeks. The case was originally set for a bond hearing and the DA and his PD had agreed to release him on an unsecured bond meaning he would have gotten out that day, if he hadn't thrown his temper tantrum. Instead he waited another six weeks in jail just to have another female attorney represent.

I was involved in a custody case where a wife cheated on her husband and had a child as a result. She let the husband believe the child was his until the child was about 5 years old and they were divorcing. To stop him from getting custody, she convinced the biological father to try to get custody, thinking that if he won, she would wind up with the child.

It became a huge three-way fight, with multiple sets of grandparents involved, and the attorneys' fees skyrocketed because the case would have been pretty quick otherwise. She couldn’t pay her attorney, tried to get the bio dad to, it got even messier, etc. Basically, there still isn’t an agreement all parties will follow. They are in and out of court every year or so. She screwed herself.

I took my Ex to court because she had used my social security number to sign up for cable. I found out about it when she stopped paying for the service. She screwed herself over by just being herself. We show up to court, I turn in the contract from the cable company ,showing my social security number, and her own name signed on the contract. She didn't even try to forge my signiture, she signed her own name in and tried to deny that she had any part of it. The judge tore her apart and it was nice.

I spent a summer as an intern doing narcotics work. You’d be surprised how much information defendants and their friends/family share over prison telephone calls, even when the line informs you that the line is being monitored and recorded before the call begins."

That said, a defendant maintained he was an innocent Uber driver and was not in the business of selling drugs...meanwhile, he was telling his wife over the phone that they needed to figure out how to move 3 kilos of cocaine so they could afford the lawyer to represent him. Needless to say, he was shocked when the recording was played back in court.

Not someone else, but my client screwed them-self.

I’m doing landlord tenant stuff and my client was facing eviction over non-payment, but the client was withholding rent payments because of habitability issues in the apartment, no heat, high lead levels, vermin. This is gonna be an easy win for me.

Told my client continually to make sure they don’t spend the money, keep it but don’t spend it. Because if you show the judge you still have the money it looks real good for you in terms of making the judge believe that you’re withholding for good reasons.

We get up in front of the judge, landlord doesn’t have an attorney so I’m dancing inside, there’s no way I can lose.

I make my arguments and the landlord makes his.

Judge asks my client if they still have the money.

Client goes “nah I blew that s**t at the casino last week”

Someone I knew had a pro bono case where she had to defend a person who had been charged with a criminal offense (don't know what — confidential and whatnot). Even though the police and DA could pretty much link the crime to her client, there was no evidence to tie him to it; the case was circumstantial at best.

She had instructed him to shut up and let her do the talking during the trial, since she knew from experience that the client sometimes does not know how to answer a question properly. So she pleads and can show that the court has nothing on her client; she feels that for once, a pro bono case is going her way.

After her plea, the judge thanks her for her plea and turns to her client. He asks if the client has something to add to the plea. Client looks at her, then back at the judge; tears well up in his eyes and he blurts out, 'I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again!

She threw her notes and everything else she had in her hands at the client (now convict), apparently. She basically got screwed by her own client, who screwed himself even worse.

Not a lawyer but a friend of mine was going through a divorce and his lawyer kept putting off the trial. He just wanted it over with but the lawyer said trust me this is going to be good. Turns out dudes wife was pregnant with another mans baby. When they went to court she had a big baby bump. The judge asked if all three kids were his and she replied" no just those two". Wish I could have seen the look on her lawyers face.

My dad was a judge and had someone on trial for DUI. The guy would not stop running his mouth and was trash-talking everyone in the room. He instructed him to stop. Dude did not stop. Dad placed him in contempt of court for 90 days.
Dude gets out, goes back to trial. First thing, he starts running his mouth again. Boom. Another 90 days in jail for contempt. He does 180 days in jail, when a DUI in our state is only 60 days for his level of DUI.

Not a lawyer but when my FIL and MIL got divorced, she wanted to file jointly for the previous year because they were still married. They would have gotten a decent refund. He insisted on filing separately, despite the fact that he would owe 4k, because he wanted her to also owe the IRS. He did it to "frost her"