Many of you have probably seen plenty of actors play lawyers on TV, including on the hit show ‘Suits,’ so you probably have certain expectations. For instance, how someone who’s charismatic and savvy can get anyone off the hook—they just need to be persuasive enough. However, in real life, some cases simply seem unwinnable… all thanks to the clients messing up!
Internet user u/SprinklesDramatic288 sparked a venting session on AskReddit, as a bunch of lawyers spilled the tea about what their jobs are really like and the very worst clients they ever had. These are the type of people who have no survival instinct and behave in such dumb ways that there is no way they’d win their cases. Check out these legal pros’ stories below—just be warned, they’re facepalmworthy.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the intriguing thread, and they were kind enough to answer our questions. You'll find our interview with u/SprinklesDramatic288 below.
#1
A man approached the court for a reduction in his child maintenance payments to my client while driving a brand new BMW SUV. He said because I was a junior at the time, he'd handle the case himself and he'd "squash" me. After his poor attempt at compiling his disclosure of his financials, he was investigated and it was found that he was laundering money through a fake online church. He's now being criminally prosecuted.
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107points
#2
Not a lawyer but was in court to testify. Defendant in another case is pleading guilty. The judge requires him to allocute and he gives a detailed description of his crime. He finishes, the judge looks at some paperwork and says "Sir, that's not what you're charged with.".
94points
#3
Friend who is a criminal defense attorney was called at 3-something AM by the presiding judge.
"The sheriff is on his way to arrest your client, who is having his bond revoked. I am calling you at 3 AM about that because he is having his bond revoked for posting a real name social media threat directed at me and my family.".
"The sheriff is on his way to arrest your client, who is having his bond revoked. I am calling you at 3 AM about that because he is having his bond revoked for posting a real name social media threat directed at me and my family.".
90points
Let’s be realistic: you probably won’t win your client’s case if they start spouting random nonsense, intentionally reveal incriminating evidence, or behave rudely. However, a good lawyer will still try to do their job to the best of their ability. Even if the odds are against them.
There are some qualities that many truly great lawyers share. According to All About Law, they need to have good communication skills, proper judgment, as well as analytical and research skills. On top of that, they should also strive to have good people skills, lots of perseverance, and creativity.
“Lawyers must be orally articulate, have good written communication skills, and also be good listeners.” That being said, in order to “be able to analyze what clients tell them or follow a complex testimony, a lawyer must have good listening skills,” too.
#4
Client’s in jail awaiting trial for an unrelated charge. Client decides he wants out of there and stacks chairs in the rec room. Client climbs chairs, pushes through the ceiling tile, then crawls on top of ceiling toward the next room over. Client falls through the ceiling five feet from the starting point and plummets ten feet in a shower of ceiling tiles.
Client somehow manages to land on his feet.
Client grabs fallen ceiling tiles, stacks them on top of chair stack, then attempts to escape again.
Client falls through a different part of the ceiling.
All of this is captured on jail video camera.
Client somehow manages to land on his feet.
Client grabs fallen ceiling tiles, stacks them on top of chair stack, then attempts to escape again.
Client falls through a different part of the ceiling.
All of this is captured on jail video camera.
90points
#5
Child visitation case. Mother argues for less visitation because father is always late (also in bringing the child to school) and generally unreliable. Father is a whooping 38 minutes late to the hearing.
88points
#6
I did a lot of child welfare work back in the day. Had multiple parents who were trying to get their kids back walk into court with wildly inappropriate outfits. t shirts with pot leaves (back when people cared); sexually suggestive graphics/slogans; a hat that said Cop Killa’. Didn’t really impact outcome but sure as hell didn’t help them that day.
Had another guy who was a decent dude but chronically homeless. He came in with a ragged suit and tie and apologized bc it was something he found in a trash bin but said he wanted to look the best he could for court. Got custody of his kid and the state wrote all kinds of checks to help him get back on his feet.
Long story short- giving a s**t that you are in a court room in the first place- goes a huge way.
Had another guy who was a decent dude but chronically homeless. He came in with a ragged suit and tie and apologized bc it was something he found in a trash bin but said he wanted to look the best he could for court. Got custody of his kid and the state wrote all kinds of checks to help him get back on his feet.
Long story short- giving a s**t that you are in a court room in the first place- goes a huge way.
84points
Lawyers ought to be personable, persuasive, and have the ability to read others well. Meanwhile, they should also strive to be creative in their problem-solving, not just logical and analytical (which are great boons, too).
“The best solution is not always the most obvious and in order to outmanoeuvre your challenger it is often necessary to think outside the box.”
In the meantime, The Lawyer Portal stresses that good lawyers need to have the following:
- A strong knowledge of the law as a foundation;
- Good judgment and decision-making skills;
- Research and analytical skills;
- Writing and comprehension skills;
- Communication, public speaking, and listening skills;
- Leadership and logical thinking skills;
- A willingness to keep learning;
- The ability to be proactive rather than just reactive.
Top-tier lawyers are also organized, patient, composed, compassionate, and persuasive. “A good lawyer continuously develops their craft, maintaining their knowledge of the law and dedicating themselves to personal development.”
#7
I used to work in forensic science and had to testify a lot. One of my co-workers was on his way to testify when he passed by a courtroom that had its door open and heard the attorney screaming at his client, "*HOW CAN YOU SHOW UP DRUNK TO A DUI TRIAL?!?!?!*".
82points
#8
Late to the party, but IAAL who ended up on jury duty. (Gotta love when both sides use up all their strikes before they get to you during voir dire...)
Sat on a criminal case.
It was a late-night / early-morning purse snatching. Guy stole the purse from women just as a cop was driving by, and there was a line of sight on the defendant for all but < 30 seconds, and there was also blood evidence from when he cut his hand while jumping a fence, leading to a 99.9...% certainty.
The defense's full argument was that the person who stole the purse was wearing a shirt, and his client, when arrested, was shirtless. (Keep in mind, there was a shirt found along the direct path of pursuit.) I get that you've gotta hang your hat on whatever you can to defend your clients, so I respect the effort.
That being said, when the prosecution entered into evidence a statement of the defendant asking the police "Can I have my shirt back?", you could hear the facepalms from miles away.
So glad I practice transactional law...
Sat on a criminal case.
It was a late-night / early-morning purse snatching. Guy stole the purse from women just as a cop was driving by, and there was a line of sight on the defendant for all but < 30 seconds, and there was also blood evidence from when he cut his hand while jumping a fence, leading to a 99.9...% certainty.
The defense's full argument was that the person who stole the purse was wearing a shirt, and his client, when arrested, was shirtless. (Keep in mind, there was a shirt found along the direct path of pursuit.) I get that you've gotta hang your hat on whatever you can to defend your clients, so I respect the effort.
That being said, when the prosecution entered into evidence a statement of the defendant asking the police "Can I have my shirt back?", you could hear the facepalms from miles away.
So glad I practice transactional law...
81points
#9
One client showed up to court wearing the same outfit he wore during the robbery—caught on camera, crystal clear. When we pointed it out, he said, “It’s my lucky hoodie.” I knew right then… he was not winning.
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79points
Bored Panda asked u/SprinklesDramatic288 for their personal opinion about the best qualities of truly great lawyers. They were kind enough to share their perspective.
"Some signs of a great lawyer is that they can present information to the client in a way that most people are able to understand," they shared.
"Great lawyers should also respond to emails and questions in a timely manner," the thread author said.
"Finally, a great lawyer should motivate clients with the possibility of a lesser sentence so that they don’t do anything that can compromise the case."
#10
Any cases where someone states “I am sovereign and not subject to your jurisdiction.”.
74points
#11
Third hand, from a friend of the lawyer's, in a divorce case. "Tell them I only want the boy, not the girl." "If I say that you're not getting custody of either one." "I don't care." "Your honor, my client only wants custody of the boy." You can guess how it went.
74points
#12
Not a lawyer but… I was in a 5mph car accident. Bumper to bumper traffic, rush hour, everyone just inching up every 39 seconds or so.
The genius next to me pulled into my lane, his passenger rear tire made contact with my drivers side front tire.
Pulled into a fast food place to wait for police bcz he INSISTED on a police report.
1 week later I get the news that he says I pulled into his lane & he has a litany of “injuries”. I was absolutely LIVID. He was lying & trying to game the system.
I went on a mission to learn everything I could about him and discovered that he fancied himself a personal trainer. Amazingly, he was holding a group session at a public park the very next weekend.
Now, I live in Florida which does not allow recording without consent UNLESS you’re in a public place. I setup at a park bench that same weekend and recorded his dumb a*s for 1.5 hours. Pull-ups, push ups, ropes, throwing a giant medicine ball (dude was definitely in-shape). I sent the video to my insurance company and told them not to pay a dime.
They told him to pound sand and we all lived happily ever after.
The genius next to me pulled into my lane, his passenger rear tire made contact with my drivers side front tire.
Pulled into a fast food place to wait for police bcz he INSISTED on a police report.
1 week later I get the news that he says I pulled into his lane & he has a litany of “injuries”. I was absolutely LIVID. He was lying & trying to game the system.
I went on a mission to learn everything I could about him and discovered that he fancied himself a personal trainer. Amazingly, he was holding a group session at a public park the very next weekend.
Now, I live in Florida which does not allow recording without consent UNLESS you’re in a public place. I setup at a park bench that same weekend and recorded his dumb a*s for 1.5 hours. Pull-ups, push ups, ropes, throwing a giant medicine ball (dude was definitely in-shape). I sent the video to my insurance company and told them not to pay a dime.
They told him to pound sand and we all lived happily ever after.
73points
We were also curious to find out the inspiration behind the thread in the first place. "One thing that inspired me to start the thread was that I wanted to know the details of the case and see how stupid some people could be," u/SprinklesDramatic288 shared with us.
"I felt as if my thread resonated with some people, especially with public defenders, because sometimes a lawyer is forced to take every case possible, even if there is almost no possible chance that the defendant will get a positive outcome."
#13
Potential Client: I want to sue the Hilton for racial discrimination. They refused to let me use the pool because I’m black.
Me: Wait - you came down from your room and they told you no?
PC: No, I came in from the beach and they said no.
Me: Wait, were you staying there?
PC: No, but there were white people in the pool and a white guy said I couldn’t use it!
Another lawyer took the case. Either didn’t ask the right questions or didn’t care.
Me: Wait - you came down from your room and they told you no?
PC: No, I came in from the beach and they said no.
Me: Wait, were you staying there?
PC: No, but there were white people in the pool and a white guy said I couldn’t use it!
Another lawyer took the case. Either didn’t ask the right questions or didn’t care.
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67points
#14
One of my wife's very old cases. DV where the male partner was accused of assaulting the woman. Defence was:
"Well, yes she was pregnant and I hit her in the belly, but it wasn't with an *iron* bar"
The judge was not amused.
"Well, yes she was pregnant and I hit her in the belly, but it wasn't with an *iron* bar"
The judge was not amused.
67points
#15
Had a client tell me she couldn't be charged with drunk driving because her boyfriend was steering from the passenger seat and she was just working the pedals. Passed that consult on to someone else with no shame.
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63points
Do we have any lawyers or other legal experts in the audience here today? If so, we’d love to hear all about your own experiences in the courtroom. What were the very worst clients that you had to defend?
Were there any seemingly unwinnable cases that you actually managed to turn around? What keeps you passionate about being a lawyer? Let us know! We’d love to read all about it.
#16
I had a client give me the “poppy seed bagel” claim to justify a positive d**g test…and it wasn’t for opiates.
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60points
#17
There was a tiktok video of a guy attending a zoom court hearing for his suspended driving license, he was driving while doing the zoom call.
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59points
#18
NAL, but I felt the need to share my own singular sovcit experience. Canadian by the way.
In traffic court, waiting for my turn. Guy is called. Stands up, and is dressed and looks repsectable. Business suit, clean, hair combed, suitcase. Would have guessed he was a lawyer, if he was sitting ahead of the bar.
He stands up, and says out loud, "Well, I have a driver's liscence with that name on it, but as its in capitals you can see that's the name of a corporation, your honour."
The justice on the bench did his best to be reasonable with this guy. But the guy immeadiatly starts a speech about how the system is corrupt and there needs to be changes.
He would go on about that several times in the next while.
This first time, the justice says, "That's not what we are here to discuss today. We're here for a speeding ticket. And if *defendant's name* doesn't present himself in front of this bar, I'm ruling a conviction in absense."
So the defendant hustles in front of the bar (officially presenting himself for the case, behind the bar is gallery only) and proceeds to start an indignant series of acid born arguements that were so bizzare as to verge on schitzophrenia.
Highlights were:
Trying to invoke papal law. To which the justice responds, "Papal law? This isn't rome, that doesn't apply here."
Defendant tries to quote admiralty law, which perplexes the justice as, "Where do you get admiralty law? This is Alberta, this is the most landlocked province in the country. Where do you get admiralty law?"
The defendant replies, straight faced and serious, "Well there used to be a fountain in the basement, sir."
Mind you, defendant hasn't even made his initial plea yet. Multiple times the justice tries to steer him back on track, and the guy keeps responding, "Well, I did it, but that's not the point."
So well after a balif has been called to keep an eye on this thing, and I, witnessing this, have finally realized I wasn't dreaming, the justice on the bench finally says, "Ok. Fine, you've said you've done it multiple times before, and I'll accept that as a guilty plea." Hands out fine and thirty days to pay, next case.
In traffic court, waiting for my turn. Guy is called. Stands up, and is dressed and looks repsectable. Business suit, clean, hair combed, suitcase. Would have guessed he was a lawyer, if he was sitting ahead of the bar.
He stands up, and says out loud, "Well, I have a driver's liscence with that name on it, but as its in capitals you can see that's the name of a corporation, your honour."
The justice on the bench did his best to be reasonable with this guy. But the guy immeadiatly starts a speech about how the system is corrupt and there needs to be changes.
He would go on about that several times in the next while.
This first time, the justice says, "That's not what we are here to discuss today. We're here for a speeding ticket. And if *defendant's name* doesn't present himself in front of this bar, I'm ruling a conviction in absense."
So the defendant hustles in front of the bar (officially presenting himself for the case, behind the bar is gallery only) and proceeds to start an indignant series of acid born arguements that were so bizzare as to verge on schitzophrenia.
Highlights were:
Trying to invoke papal law. To which the justice responds, "Papal law? This isn't rome, that doesn't apply here."
Defendant tries to quote admiralty law, which perplexes the justice as, "Where do you get admiralty law? This is Alberta, this is the most landlocked province in the country. Where do you get admiralty law?"
The defendant replies, straight faced and serious, "Well there used to be a fountain in the basement, sir."
Mind you, defendant hasn't even made his initial plea yet. Multiple times the justice tries to steer him back on track, and the guy keeps responding, "Well, I did it, but that's not the point."
So well after a balif has been called to keep an eye on this thing, and I, witnessing this, have finally realized I wasn't dreaming, the justice on the bench finally says, "Ok. Fine, you've said you've done it multiple times before, and I'll accept that as a guilty plea." Hands out fine and thirty days to pay, next case.
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58points
#19
My squad was searching a stash house on a warrant. This is part of a takedown of a violent organization and there were a bunch of houses being searched at the same time. The house I was in was a known stash for guns and d***s and during our investigation, we bought multiple guns which came out of this house.
I was searching the kitchen in full kit when someone opened the back door and popped their head in. I turned around, he looked at me, I looked at him, then he backed out and slammed the door shut. I ran to the door, opened it, and he was standing right there with his hands up.
I sat him down on the patio steps and started to get his information while my SGT ran him through NCIC. The guy was cooperative but wide eyed and nervous AF. As I stood there and began to look at his waistline, I could see a clear outline of a gun in his jacket pocket. My BWC footage showed what was almost textbook “printing” of the gun while I stood in front of him.
He didn’t fight; he just accepted getting cuffed and arrested. Possession of a handgun by a prohibited person.
He went to booking and after getting into the jail, he made a phone call. Keep in mind that the phone system very clearly says all conversations are monitored and recorded. During this phone call, he told the other party that he had a satchel with $700 cash and c**e that he tossed over the fence before I came out the back door.
A couple detectives went over there and found the bag. There was a big snowfall that morning, there were no footsteps anywhere near the bag, the bag did not have any snow on top of it. Inside the bag was $700 cash, c*****e, and the guy’s drivers license.
Dude filed a motion to suppress. His position was that I had no right to detain him. He lost that motion pretty badly and plead out. Our State’s Attorney cited something like 7 clearly established cases which showed that this position was comically wrong at best.
At the end of the hearing, the Judge told the guy he was going to put him in an employment education program because he needed to find a new job because he was so terrible at being a d**g dealer.
I was searching the kitchen in full kit when someone opened the back door and popped their head in. I turned around, he looked at me, I looked at him, then he backed out and slammed the door shut. I ran to the door, opened it, and he was standing right there with his hands up.
I sat him down on the patio steps and started to get his information while my SGT ran him through NCIC. The guy was cooperative but wide eyed and nervous AF. As I stood there and began to look at his waistline, I could see a clear outline of a gun in his jacket pocket. My BWC footage showed what was almost textbook “printing” of the gun while I stood in front of him.
He didn’t fight; he just accepted getting cuffed and arrested. Possession of a handgun by a prohibited person.
He went to booking and after getting into the jail, he made a phone call. Keep in mind that the phone system very clearly says all conversations are monitored and recorded. During this phone call, he told the other party that he had a satchel with $700 cash and c**e that he tossed over the fence before I came out the back door.
A couple detectives went over there and found the bag. There was a big snowfall that morning, there were no footsteps anywhere near the bag, the bag did not have any snow on top of it. Inside the bag was $700 cash, c*****e, and the guy’s drivers license.
Dude filed a motion to suppress. His position was that I had no right to detain him. He lost that motion pretty badly and plead out. Our State’s Attorney cited something like 7 clearly established cases which showed that this position was comically wrong at best.
At the end of the hearing, the Judge told the guy he was going to put him in an employment education program because he needed to find a new job because he was so terrible at being a d**g dealer.
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57points
#20
NAL, but our client took the stand, and when asked about his job, he told the court he’s a “street pharmacist.”.
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56points