Lawyers aren't funny. Except for, maybe, Saul Goodman, but he's more of a crook than a lawyer, which leaves nobody to rely on for entertainment in the world of law. Without getting too much into stereotypes, I think we can all agree that lawyers usually have a sense of humor that's as dry as an asphalt road over the driest place on earth, which is Kufra, Libya. That dry. Moreover, they usually seem pretty soulless - a perk for their job, but a con in real life - and unempathetic, which makes them seem, well, a bit inhuman. Again, those are just personal observations and agreed-upon stereotypes, and there's always an exception to the rule, but, as you are about to see, our collection of lawyer jokes is mainly based on exactly those three qualities. And you know what they say - there's always a grain of truth in every joke!
If we've agreed that lawyers' humor is usually pretty dry, you won't, however, find anything dry and bitter about these hilarious jokes! In fact, it seems that the stiffer the topic, the funnier the jokes come out to be. And law jokes are a really good example of the theory - they're anything but bland, boring, and bleak but rather the nicest combo of ironic, bittersweet, and clever. Just try and read them without smirking!
So, if you are ready, let us present you with our directory of only the best lawyer jokes found on the internet. If you wish to, add in your own silly jokes in the comments section, I guess we all have a few of those stashed somewhere when it comes to law! Also, do not forget to give your vote to the nicest jokes you find and share this article with other law-abiding citizens that you know.
#1

My wife accused me of being a terrible lawyer.
I couldn’t defend myself.
unknown
Report24points
#2
Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly: Did you steal the car?"
Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning. I’m beginning to think I didn’t."
unknown
Report21points
#3
The trouble with the legal profession is that 98% of its members give the rest a bad name.
unknown
Report19points
#4

How can you tell if a lawyer is lying?
Other lawyers look interested.
unknown
Report18points
#5
Why are there no Irish lawyers?
They can’t pass the bar.
unknown
Report18points
#6
What’s the difference between a cat and a lawyer? One is an arrogant creature who will ignore you and treat you with contempt unless it can get something out of you. The other is a household pet.
unknown
Report17points
#7
A man asks his Solicitor: "If I give you £400, will you answer two questions for me?"
The solicitor replies: "Absolutely! What’s the second question?"
unknown
Report16points
#8

Lawyer, speaking to a dog on trial for murder: "Who’s a good boy? "
Dog: "I am."
Lawyer: "Your honor, I rest my case."
unknown
Report15points
#9
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark.
unknown
Report14points
#10

When an attorney gets married, they don’t say, “I do.” They say, “I accept the terms and conditions."
unknown
Report13points
#11

The judge charged the attorney who killed her yoga instructor with pre-meditated murder.
unknown
Report13points
#12
A man walked into the local Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. Seeing a man at the counter, the stranger asks, “Is there a criminal attorney in town?” To which the man behind the counter immediately quipped, “Yeah, but we can’t prove it yet!”
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Report12points
#13
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.
unknown
Report12points
#14

Do you know how copper wire was invented?
Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
unknown
Report11points
#15

What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
All the information you need, but you can’t understand a word of it.
unknown
Report11points
#16
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
unknown
Report11points
#17
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take to keep a lawyer away?
unknown
Report10points
#18
What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them, but you never see them.
unknown
Report10points
#19
Where do vampires learn to suck blood?
Law school.
unknown
Report10points
#20
Me, as a lawyer: "BUT, your honor, I Googled it twice."
unknown
Report10points


