Ending a marriage or a relationship is almost never about just one thing. You start seeing your partner with different eyes, and once that feeling sets in, it’s hard to see the relationship the same way.
The last straw that changes everything maybe isn’t even the worst thing your partner has done. It can be something smaall that follows years of feeling ignored or unappreciated, or even months of arguing and getting distanced.
Wondering what finally makes someone leave, Reddit users have shared the moments that pushed their marriages to the breaking point. From surprising discoveries and painful betrayals to everyday letdowns that say a lot, these stories show that the final straw can look very different in each relationship.
#41
When I found out the 4 year old child I was raising wasn’t mine. This just happened recently and Im not doing great….
Report
6points
#42
We were having a rough patch and he’d refused to say “I love you” for a while. It was my birthday. Some friends at work that day realized it was my birthday and went to the store during lunch and got me a cheap birthday cake, which was very considerate on their part. I came home and he’d gotten me the same birthday cake (last minute, first thing you see at the store). He gave me a card from him and let the kids sign and it said “I love you” even though he still wouldn’t say it. I don’t think he even read it. He basically put in the same amount of effort as my friends at work who didn’t even have a head start, and the card just felt cruel. I knew then that it was probably over. And found out later that he had a lady friend start coming around about the time he stopped saying “I love you” and wearing his ring.
Report
6points
#43
Spouse stopped contributing to his 401k leaving employer contribution on the table. He did this in secret.
He was 16 years older than me. His plan seemed to be to retire 16 years before me and have me support him, leaving me with nothing for my retirement.
What did he need the extra cash for?
To buy illegal substances.
He was 16 years older than me. His plan seemed to be to retire 16 years before me and have me support him, leaving me with nothing for my retirement.
What did he need the extra cash for?
To buy illegal substances.
Report
6points
#44
I realized this after she moved out with the children to her boyfriend’s house. I didn’t know she had a boyfriend.
Report
6points
#45
When he, after 18 years together and three kids, cheated on me, while I was at my lowest, with a coworker at the job I helped him get after a career changing health issue, instead of trying to arrange any counseling like I had been asking for the last ten or more months.
Oh, but now... he sure can figure out how to find therapists that his insurance covers. He can vet them and schedule appointments, too. Go figure. In fact, there's ALL KINDS of s**t he's managed to do since "coming clean" that he just couldn't before. Guilt... the great motivator.
Oh, but now... he sure can figure out how to find therapists that his insurance covers. He can vet them and schedule appointments, too. Go figure. In fact, there's ALL KINDS of s**t he's managed to do since "coming clean" that he just couldn't before. Guilt... the great motivator.
6points
#46
11 years of struggle having the "same fight" over and over again. Ended with 2 kids and a house to complicate the divorce. I saw the red flags before we ever got married and ignored them. After that, I felt like I needed to stay committed and "work on it" especially once the kids came. Instead, all they saw was years of fighting and dysfunction that they didn't need to see. Wasted my late 20's and early 30's. It's never too early to call it. Only you know how miserable you are and experience shows that it's nearly impossible to change someone else. Save yourself.
Report
6points
#47
We're not divorced, though I have mentioned it. Here are things that are pushing me:
- She threw out all the momentos I had from my mother because she didn't like the way they looked. (My mom passed away before we met)
- She threw out thousands of dollars worth of video games when I wasn't looking because they "look scary."
- We haven't had intimacy for a year. This is not the first year it's happened.
- She is an obsessed religious zealot. She told me my mom passed from cancer because she "didn't believe in the right thing."
So... we're not divorced yet. But I think the straws are broken.
- She threw out all the momentos I had from my mother because she didn't like the way they looked. (My mom passed away before we met)
- She threw out thousands of dollars worth of video games when I wasn't looking because they "look scary."
- We haven't had intimacy for a year. This is not the first year it's happened.
- She is an obsessed religious zealot. She told me my mom passed from cancer because she "didn't believe in the right thing."
So... we're not divorced yet. But I think the straws are broken.
Report
6points
#48
We were at the marriage counselor. She explained her side. I explained my side. He turns to then-wife and said "you know, Helagoth isn't wrong." First time I'd heard that. Made me realize that we were on our 4th counselor. And the reason for that was she would find something wrong with every previous one, usually shortly after they suggest that she do some individual counseling.
Just realizing that no, I wasn't the problem reframed our entire relationship. Don't get me wrong, I was part of the problem and had my own issues, but realizing I wasn't THE problem was the final straw that made me say "enough is enough"
Just realizing that no, I wasn't the problem reframed our entire relationship. Don't get me wrong, I was part of the problem and had my own issues, but realizing I wasn't THE problem was the final straw that made me say "enough is enough"
Report
6points
#49
My best friend had cancer. She told me she could never be with someone who was a burden like that.
Report
6points
#50
After spending almost the entire night in the hospital due to his insane high blood pressure and him almost having a heart attack and finding the next day he bought a pack of tall boys to drink, I instantly saw red and left the house.
Next day I told him I couldn't do it anymore.
This along with other problems, but that was the last straw.
Next day I told him I couldn't do it anymore.
This along with other problems, but that was the last straw.
Report
6points
#51
Husband made an enormous amount of money as a surgeon, and I was a housewife on an allowance. I voted for Bill Clinton and he docked my allowance by 6%, saying Clinton planned to raise our taxes by that much. Bill Clinton never did raise taxes, but when my husband did that, I said to myself about him, “Dude, you will be divorced by the end of the year.”
Report
6points
#52
She didn't want to get her driving licence.
Sounds ridiculous, I know. But it was the straw.
She moved to the UK to marry me, didn't transfer her licence at the time, gave the reason as money, despite me saying that we could cover it. Looking back now, I see she just didn't want to surrender her American licence.
8 years later, she still doesn't drive. So that's 9 years of me driving her everywhere. We go on holiday, it's assumed I'll be driving instead of public transport.
Days out, I'll be saying that it's time to head back to the car after being somewhere for 4-5 hours, because I know I've got to drive 2-3 hours to get home. She complains that the place is still open for a few more hours and that she isn't tired.... no, but I have to get us home safely.
So anyway, 8 years into marriage, I say she needs to do something, anything, towards getting her licence. She says ok but not to bother her about it.
11 months later, I brought up that she still hasn't done anything and that I needed her to do something in the next month.
A month passes, she has done nothing, not even gotten a provisional, which requires nothing but £34 (bearing in mind she will happily spend £150 on her credit card every few months on concert tickets). She says she isn't ready to take the theory test to get her provisional... this says to me that she didn't even look up the process about getting one.
She can't respect me enough to research something that I tell her I need.
Nope, I'm done.
Within 2 months of me saying I'm done, and asking for divorce, she has her provisional, booked her theory test and taken 2 driving lessons. She was quite happy letting me be her free taxi.
Sounds ridiculous, I know. But it was the straw.
She moved to the UK to marry me, didn't transfer her licence at the time, gave the reason as money, despite me saying that we could cover it. Looking back now, I see she just didn't want to surrender her American licence.
8 years later, she still doesn't drive. So that's 9 years of me driving her everywhere. We go on holiday, it's assumed I'll be driving instead of public transport.
Days out, I'll be saying that it's time to head back to the car after being somewhere for 4-5 hours, because I know I've got to drive 2-3 hours to get home. She complains that the place is still open for a few more hours and that she isn't tired.... no, but I have to get us home safely.
So anyway, 8 years into marriage, I say she needs to do something, anything, towards getting her licence. She says ok but not to bother her about it.
11 months later, I brought up that she still hasn't done anything and that I needed her to do something in the next month.
A month passes, she has done nothing, not even gotten a provisional, which requires nothing but £34 (bearing in mind she will happily spend £150 on her credit card every few months on concert tickets). She says she isn't ready to take the theory test to get her provisional... this says to me that she didn't even look up the process about getting one.
She can't respect me enough to research something that I tell her I need.
Nope, I'm done.
Within 2 months of me saying I'm done, and asking for divorce, she has her provisional, booked her theory test and taken 2 driving lessons. She was quite happy letting me be her free taxi.
Report
5points
#53
I overheard him call me a stupid jerk over the baby monitor after I had left the room with one baby. I went back in, didn't say a word, and grabbed the other baby. I went into the bedroom and locked the door. After a few days, the incident in question had not been brought up. He had not apologized. So I brought it up and asked if he had anything to say about what happened. He said, "I dunno man, I guess you need to just get thicker skin." So I said we're going into counseling or we're finished. He reluctantly went but it was too late then. We had too many problems previously and I was ready to end it long beforehand. It was just the last straw.
Report
5points
#54
When she said "I don't know why you even care it's not like he is yours" in reply to me asking to keep our son in a carseat.
Report
5points
#55
Mine was when I realized that I honestly didn't care when my husband came home or IF he ever came home.
Report
5points
#56
I was skipping meals and budgeting for gas and eggs and he brought home an $800 Robocop action figure.
Report
5points
#57
He had left his phone on the table face up and went to the bathroom.
A notification popped up of his girlfriend asking why he just wouldn’t leave me.
When I asked who she was he tried to claim she was just a work friend then gaslit me saying he had told me all about her and I’d just forgotten.
It made me speed run through the marriage in my head and I realized how toxic it was.
Divorced 4 months later.
A notification popped up of his girlfriend asking why he just wouldn’t leave me.
When I asked who she was he tried to claim she was just a work friend then gaslit me saying he had told me all about her and I’d just forgotten.
It made me speed run through the marriage in my head and I realized how toxic it was.
Divorced 4 months later.
Report
5points
#58
When after I gave him 2 years to straighten out his act after catching him cheating, after giving him a second child, after keeping his secrets; the last straw was him screaming at me in a Tim Hortons in front of our young children, employees and strangers for zero reason. Fun plane ride home.
Report
5points
#59
It was a long toxic marriage I always knew wouldn’t work out but tried for the kids. The final straw was when she hit me in the face while holding my 7 year old. Took the kids for ice cream calmed them down and never went back. Then spent whatever I had left on custody. 50/50. Would have taken full custody if the courts would allow it. Seems they don’t like taking kids from their mom even if they are toxic and violent.
Report
5points
#60
He spent our last $20 (day before payday) on beer
Had 2 young kids and needed bread and milk
Had 2 young kids and needed bread and milk
Report
5points