People tend to gather in families and various groups for Christmas celebrations, which requires discussing and adjusting things to make it happen. Naturally, not considering some crucial needs of all family members creates a risk that none of the family members will show up.
At least such was this Redditor’s problem when her parents switched their Christmas location and activities to those that would leave her husband out, and yet expected the couple to send their four kids over.
More info: Reddit
Grandparents planned Christmas trip that would leave their daughter's husband out, yet expected her kids to attend
Image credits: J G D (not the actual photo)
The couple has four kids and usually celebrate with the woman's parents, who host Christmas with all of their kids' families
Image credits: Miserable_Horror_980
This year, the grandparents planned Christmas with most activities leaving the woman's husband out due to him using a wheelchair
Image credits: Євген Волокита (not the actual photo)
The couple decided to have their own Christmas celebration this year, yet the grandparents asked them to send their kids over
A woman brought a disagreement with her parents to the Reddit AITA community online asking whether she was a jerk to tell her parents that her kids won’t attend their Christmas celebration if everyone can’t attend.
The woman explained that she and her husband have four kids aged 15, 8, 5, and 1. The woman’s parents usually host a big Christmas celebration every year with all of their kids and their families, which sometimes takes place at the grandparents’ home and sometimes at their chosen vacation destination.
However, this year, the grandparents have chosen to host a Christmas celebration at a mountain/ski resort that is largely inaccessible and would have a lot of activities that would leave the woman’s husband out. This is due to the man having been injured when they were in high school, almost 18 years ago, and using a wheelchair now.
For this reason, the woman let her parents know they would have their own celebrations for Christmas this year, yet the grandparents still requested for the couple to send their four kids over.
The woman explained that if they all couldn’t attend, nobody would attend, upsetting the grandparents, who accused the couple of withholding the kids from something that brings them joy and being bad parents.
The parents refused to split their family for Christmas
Image credits: Patrick Robert Doyle (not the actual photo)
The grandparents were disappointed and accused the parents of withholding the kids from something that brings them joy
Family rituals were discussed by Elizabeth H. Pleck, who suggested understanding them as cultural practices involving several family members that are repeated, have a formal structure, and involve symbolic behavior.
Kiyingi Frank Pio made an overview of studies on family rituals listing such functions of celebrations as: availing families with a sense of identity and belonging; causing strong emotions that are frequently remembered and discussed; and providing a sense of continuity across generations, transmitting family values, history, and culture from one generation to the next.
Similarly, Pleck explains that a ritual is often understood to succeed when it expresses and conveys emotion in the symbolic communication of the sort and addresses anxieties and unresolved issues in culture. Conversely, the ritual is often said to fail “precisely because the participants do not 'feel something' from participating in it," resulting in a hollow or empty ritual.
On the other hand, it was also suggested that rituals tell a lot about a certain societal organization, noting that maladaptive family systems and rituals that govern family members’ interactions tend to cause family issues.
Coming back to the original story, the woman's post gathered 10.7k upvotes on Reddit and people judged the woman was not the jerk in this situation, commenting that the grandparents' solution to split the family after excluding the woman’s husband was not a reasonable suggestion, adding that the grandparents shouldn’t be disappointed as they're the ones who denied themselves Christmas with their grandkids.
What's your take on the situation? Please, share your thoughts in the comment section below!
Redditors shared their takes on the situation
Image credits: Quenten Janssen (not the actual photo)
