Honesty is a virtue. There are, however, some nuances. Even if you want to be truthful about something, how you broach the topic and speak about it matters as much as the information you want to share.
On top of that, if you want to be friendly and diplomatic and build trust, you need to be able to keep some things to yourself. Not every stray thought and feeling needs to be vocalized. And not every insight or criticism you have is worth sharing right this very second.
These are all common-sense things for (many but definitely not all!) grownups. But kids haven’t quite yet understood the consequences their words can have, and they haven’t fully grasped what it means to be tactful in social situations. Their words can be hilarious but hurtful.
So, parents have a tough mission on their hands. They want to teach their children the value of honesty, openness, and good communication, all while respecting other people’s feelings. Which means teaching their kids about the importance of being truthful, but not always sharing the entire truth because it might be hurtful. That’s a nuance that’s difficult to get right.
And it’s a lesson that some adults have to learn, too. Some grownups think that they can say whatever they want, however they want, because they’re “just being honest.” But honesty without empathy won’t win you many friends.
On top of that, over-the-top bluntness might harm your ability to authentically connect with others. Furthermore, in a work setting, it can harm collaboration with your colleagues and alienate you, as they brand you as someone with low emotional intelligence.
That’s not to say that the truth of criticism should be sidelined… they should be embraced. But how you express yourself has consequences, too, and you should be mindful of this.
Or, to put it simply, most people don’t enjoy spending time around jerks who constantly insult them, never support them, and don’t take responsibility for their words or behavior. Kids are one thing. Adults, especially in work settings, should know better.
The bad news is that most people lie. The good news is that we don’t lie very much! Moreover, most people’s moments of dishonesty revolve around small, inconsequential things, not dramatic or Machiavellian schemes.
One recent study found that three-quarters or 75% of people don’t lie much, telling anywhere between zero and two lies per day. The vast majority, 88.6% of these untruths, were “little white lies.” Just 11.4% of their falsehoods were considered to be “big lies.”
For instance, a “big lie” would be someone telling you that they love you when they don’t. Meanwhile, a “little white lie” might involve another person telling you that they like your gift when they, in fact, don’t, and want to spare your feelings.
Meanwhile, just 1% of all respondents indicated that they almost never lied.
The frequency of lying can vary quite a bit depending on the individual themselves. Prolific liars tend to have more fluctuations from day to day than more honest people.
Based on the data collected during the study, 6% of people told very few falsehoods on average. However, they had rare days when they lied frequently.
As per the study, the top 1% of all liars told an average of a whopping 17 lies per day.
The reasons why people tell falsehoods are varied, and they paint a picture that’s more tactful than harmful, overall.
For instance, most lies, clocking in at 21%, are told in order to avoid other people. In second place, 20% of lies are told as jokes or pranks.
14% of lies are told to protect yourself. A similar number, 13%, are told to impress others or to seem more favorable. And 11% are told to protect someone else.
That’s not to say that people don’t lie for their own benefit—they most certainly do—but this isn't as widespread as you might assume.
