#1
Kids are not small versions of parents. They are very mine, very close to me and very different.
#2
When we visit my home, they love it there, and when we come back to our chosen country, they are also very happy. Best of both worlds, truly!
#3
I guess my point is that raising kids abroad might be a factor in them feeling like foreigners to you, or not. You could also raise your kid in your home country and they’ll still be nothing like you or don’t identify with the culture because their personality is different. That’s how it was for me and my husband, we never felt like we belonged in our own cultures and countries.
With globalization, international assignments, and cross-border opportunities becoming commonplace, the number of parents choosing to raise their children in foreign countries is on the rise.
These children are Third Culture Kids (TCKs), a term first coined by sociologists John and Ruth Useem in the 1950s to describe children who grow up in a culture different from both their parents' culture and the culture of their passport country.
#4
#5
They are 100% our kids. We share our experiences as our kids experience German school for the first time and all the ins and outs that come with daily life.
I'd say on the whole they act "German" and identify with the German side of their life, but they very much identify as well with being American. We travel back to the US often, they see their family, they play Xbox and games with them online, and family come and visit frequently.
The part we always keep an eye on is how they feel accepted. In Germany, we are considered Ausländer, but when we go back to the US, our kids are known as the kids who live in Germany. So, they live between the two words.
This is known as "third culture kids" - where they can't fully identify with my wife and I's upbringing in the US, but they also are the first generation to go through school and fit in inside Germany.
#6
Some advantages of being a TCK include a global mindset (thanks to exposure to various cultural practices and viewpoints), adaptability (frequent relocations teach them to make friends quickly and navigate unfamiliar situations), and cultural fluency (they can move seamlessly between cultural contexts in ways that might be challenging for monocultural people).
Being a TCK also comes with its challenges, though. One of these is identity confusion—with no clear answer to the question, “Where are you from?” a TCK may feel torn between several cultural identities and lack a sense of belonging. Other challenges facing TCKs include a sense of rootlessness, reverse culture shock when they return to their passport country, and hidden grief from frequent goodbyes and loss of places.
#7
It just creates different perspectives to be aware of. For instance, a trip back home to me is a journey into a foreign country to them. But these are mostly practicalities and doesn’t (negatively) impact my relationship with them at all.
#8
Imagine you're an extrovert sports fan who likes working with his hands for his hobbies, and your child is a disabled introvert who is extremely quiet and prefers to be alone. They will be a different "culture" from you on the basis of the foreign country that is being young and being their individual self.
You're not even guaranteed to eat the same food as them. As toddlers they may not like the spice palette of your cuisine, as teenagers they may want a particular diet, i.e. being vegans.
Your worry about kids being foreigners should be flipped around. Your kids WILL be foreigners, one way or the other, and that's ok. The only criteria here is you love them for who they are.
#9
We feel more foreign when we go back to my parent’s home country, as I wasn’t raise there and don’t speak the language well. Enough to communicate, but not fluent.
While the TCK experience is complex, there are strategies that can help these children thrive. Some of these include embracing their identity by acknowledging that it’s a blend of multiple cultures, staying connected with friends and families across borders, and using their unique traits as global citizens as assets increasingly valued in an interconnected world.
Many TCKs become "Adult Third Culture Kids" (ATCKs), continuing to make sense of the complexities of identity and belonging, but their global perspective can lead to careers in diplomacy or other fields that require cross-cultural skills. Research indicates that TCKs often do well in professions that place an emphasis on adaptability, creativity, and communication.
#10
I can see it might be a challenge for him growing up if we decide to move to Norway, but I doubt I will ever see him as any less my son, even though I might think of him as a "foreigner" within Norway. Maybe Im a bit extra non-sensitive to this as I grew up with a foreign mother in Norway... so in our family its more the norm really.
#11
#12
All of the kids spent some years in Sweden, which is a requirement if you want to retain Swedish citizenship as an adult. Two of them live there permanently, one’s in the USA and one in Australia. I’m now a naturalized citizen as well.
So again, no. The fact that we are an international family is something that pulls us together.
In her article for the BBC, Kate Mayberry writes that notable TCKs include US President Barack Obama (who was born to a Kenyan father and American mother, and moved to Jakarta after his mother married an Indonesian) and British actor Colin Firth, who lived in Nigeria, where his father worked in education, as well as in the US.
American sociologists Ruth Van Reken and David Pollock published Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, in 1999. Although Pollock has since passed away, Van Reken continues to lecture and research, saying that TCKs are more likely to speak more than one language, have a broader world view, and be more culturally aware.
#13
#14
Yes, they may have local influences - like expressions, food, drinks, music, etc, but core values are the one you give them. And anyway, teens tastes are different than yours no matter where you raise them. And as long as you keep a constant contact with them, the connection will never be broken. .
#15
Third Culture Kids embody the beauty and complexities of a globalized planet, and their unique experiences can offer valuable lessons and insights about cultural appreciation, adaptability, and the critical importance of community and connection. Just don’t ask them where they’re from.
Do you have experience as a parent of a TCK or as a TCK yourself? Which of the stories in this list are the most relatable to you? Don’t forget to upvote and comment on your favorites!
#16
My kids are mine because I raised them.
Third Culture Kids embody the beauty and complexities of a globalized planet, and their unique experiences can offer valuable lessons and insights about cultural appreciation, adaptability, and the critical importance of community and connection. Just don’t ask them where they’re from.
Do you have experience as a parent of a TCK or as a TCK yourself? Which of the stories in this list are the most relatable to you? Don’t forget to upvote and comment on your favorites!
#17
#18
When it really gets markedly pronounced is if you marry in the foreign country someone from a different culture. It is not fun for the kids either.
#19
Those changes are gonna happen no matter where you're living IMO.
But I absolutely do not feel like I don't know him, if anything I think he's too much of a replica of me!
#20
