"Children learn from observation of what others do, but also through explicit teaching and explanations, and through experience and observation of how others respond to certain actions," Eileen explained to us. The psychologist revealed to Bored Panda that people's capacity for empathy can grow throughout their lives. Broadly speaking, the older we are, the more we understand and care about the feelings of others.
"In general, we become more empathic at 19 than we were when we were at age 9, and that continues, so we're more empathic at 29 than 19, at 39 than 29, simply because we've experienced more of life, so it's easier for us to put ourselves in someone else's shoes," she said.
According to psychologist Eileen, there are three 'ingredients' that children need to respond to others in a caring way. First of all, they need to be able to imagine someone else's thoughts and feelings. "The ability to imagine accurately someone else's perspective generally begins around age 4 and grows with age and experience," Eileen explained to Bored Panda.
Secondly, kids need to be able to manage their own distress. "Kids don't have the bandwidth to respond kindly to someone else if they are overwhelmed by their own feelings." And third of all, they need to believe they're capable of helping others. "If they don't think they can help or don't know how, they're likely to freeze or avoid situations where someone is upset." And parents play a vital role in helping their kids develop more empathy for others.
"Parents can help by talking about people's thoughts and feelings as they come up in books, movies, or real life. This gives children a window into people's internal life that helps with perspective-taking. Parents can help children manage their own emotions by naming those feelings as well as teaching specific coping strategies such as distraction, deep breathing, counting to ten, or using words to ask for what they want," the psychologist said.
"Finally, parents can guide children toward seeing themselves as helpers by talking about how children's kind actions impact others. For instance, they might say, 'That was kind of you to help your brother with his block tower. He was sad when it fell down, and he felt happier when you helped him build it up again.' Or, 'Thank you for helping me put away the groceries. I'm happy that we got the job done quickly.'"
#6 This Is How My 2.5-Year-Old Niece Insists On Holding Her New Baby Brother
It's inevitable that children will eventually make a mistake and do something that isn't kind. It's a question of when, not if. In those cases, parents shouldn't rush to conclusions and should not assume that this is an indication of "terrible things ahead." After all, we all make mistakes sometimes.
"Instead, acknowledge good intentions, describe the other person's feelings, and focus on moving forward. For instance, you could say, 'I know you're excited about going on the swings, but your sister also wants to swing, and she's sad that she hasn't had a turn yet.' Then, to move forward, you could ask, 'What can you do to help her feel better?' or 'What would be fair to everyone?'"
#8 Asked My Sister If My Nephew Was Enjoying The Wedding. This Is The Picture She Sent Back
Look, the fact of the matter is that nearly everyone has done or said some incredibly weird stuff when they were kids. (Some of us never grew out of it!) We experiment. We test limits. We learn about what’s right and wrong by copying others and putting our ideas into practice.
However, there’s always a line. Once crossed, someone’s behavior turns cute and whacky to something resembling immoral. Cutting off your doll’s hair or spooking your parents with a cardboard cutout in the dark isn’t the same as hurting someone or putting nails and screws in someone’s shoes. Super occult, esoteric crayon and colored pencil pictures probably lie somewhere in the middle.
The vast majority of parents would probably agree that they want their children to grow up to be upstanding, kind, moral citizens. Kindness forms a core part of who we are as human beings. Without this hardwired instinct, there would be no society, no desire for cooperation. However, another part of the equation are the moral lessons that we (do not) pick up from our parents and loved ones as we grow up. Sometimes, there are some blindspots regarding morality and empathy that kids might need some help and guidance to correct.
#10 Our Airbnb Had A Translucent Bathroom Door. I’m Used To My Impatient Toddler Stalking Me Through The Bathroom Door, But This Took It To A Much Creepier Level
#11 My Two Older Children Were Trying To Lay Out All Of Their Pokémon Cards, But The Youngest Kept Intervening, So They Duct-Taped Him To A Chair
Very recently, licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White, a professor at Northern Illinois University, explained to Bored Panda that family beliefs, spiritual beliefs, and our own biology lead us to be kind to others.
"Many of us are raised to believe it is the 'right thing to do.' Basically, all spiritual belief systems have a version of the 'Golden Rule, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,'" the professor told us.
"We also do good turns because we know that one day we may be in need of a little 'generosity from the universe,' so it's like putting 'money' into a karma account," she explained why people tend to be nice towards others and lend a helping hand. That’s not all, though.
"Lastly, humans are wired so that when we do something kind for another, we feel good about ourselves and neurotransmitters like endorphins and oxytocin have been shown to get a boost when we do something good for another. It is through cooperation that society functions, so the survival of the human race depends on being willing to help others. Family values, spiritual beliefs, and biology all play a part in this motivation," she told Bored Panda.
#16 A House Of God
"Many of us take pride in being of service to others as it is culturally valued and we want to hold significance in our worlds. So when we do good deeds, we show others our willingness to help those in distress/need; we live out faith-based encouragement to treat others the way we would like to be treated, we uphold family values, and our brains get a positive jolt of happiness when we help others," Suzanne said that we feel good when we do good deeds. That’s usually all the motivation needed to act kind.
#20 My Son Made A Paper Enderman And Hung Him From The Ceiling Outside His Room. I Just Met Him In The Dark
