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Skenazy, the president of Let Grow and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement explained to Bored Panda what this type of unsupervised and unstructured play looks like. It is "play where the kids have to decide what games they’re going to play, and make the teams pretty fair, and solve their own arguments. Why? Play is how, throughout history, kids have become socialized," she said.
"Mother Nature put the drive to play in kids so they’d do all the hard work it takes to get to the goal: fun. To get there, kids have to collaborate, communicate, compromise. They have to 'read' the other kids to get buy-in, and tolerate some frustration. Those are all social-emotional skills kids need to develop so they can get along with other people. And since no one wants to play with a smug, selfish prima donna, the prima donna learns, through play, to be a little less pushy and prima-donna-y. The reward is happiness, so the lesson reinforces itself."
Skenazy shared some tips and resources for parents on how they can make all of that start happening. "Set aside some time when your kids can play WITHOUT you or another adult organizing the games or solving the spats. If you’d like your school to start a 'Play Club' like that, here is the free implementation guide put out by Let Grow," she shared some resources. "Look it over and consider giving it to your child’s teacher or principal! Or if you’d like to start a Play Club on your own, on your block, or at your church/synagogue/mosque, or at home, here is the Let Them Play Kit from Let Grow for parents—also free."
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Bored Panda wanted to get Skenazy's opinion about how parents can help their children stay active and curious as they grow and mature. What's more, we were very curious about restoring kids' confidence in themselves (if they should ever lose it!).
"Old-time wisdom says: When you fall off the horse, get back ON the horse. It’s the same with goofing up on a test, a stage, a playing field. Failure is inevitable at some point. But! That point is not forever. Get up and try again—especially after a little more practice—and you will see the new
outcome for yourself. Simply reassuring a kid (or adult) that they’ll be fine does not do the trick. They have to try again," the president of Let Grow shared with Bored Panda.
Of course, failing is never fun, but Skenazy noted that it's all part of the learning curve. "In fact, it IS the learning curve: Your brain learns BEST when it is challenged or gets something wrong. So we have to give our kids a chance to do something on their own and realize: this is a little scary, I might fail, but it is also thrilling! Kids climb trees for exactly that experience!" she said.
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My son answered dead serious, "I get the lollipop and you get my respect."
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Meanwhile, when it comes to boosting curiosity and engagement with the world, you can't install these into kids by saying something like, 'Look at this leaf. Isn't it interesting?"
"The kid becomes the consumer of the experience, not the creator. It’s the difference between being in the driver’s seat and the passenger seat: The driver notices everything because they have to. They are alert, curious, processing information. The passenger is passive. In our culture, we turn kids into 'passengers' by presenting them with information, rather than giving them some freedom to go out, explore, and fall in love with the world by making their way IN it."
According to Skenazy, the solution to this passiveness is for parents to loosen the reins. "Let your kids do some things on their own: ride their bike, run an errand, walk to school, play outside. If you’d like your school to encourage this kind of independence so ALL the kids in a class, or grade, or school district start venturing beyond their comfort zone, suggest they assign The Let Grow Project: Kids get the homework assignment to 'go home and do something new, on your own,'" she said.
"Whole neighborhoods come alive with kids again! The Project Implementation Guide is FREE—here! And if you’d like to see how kids can become more confident and active once their parents trust them with some independence, check out this 2-minute video of incredibly ANXIOUS kids who grew much more confident and engaged after they did The Let Grow Project… 20 times! Curiosity breeds engagement, independence breeds curiosity. This mom couldn’t believe how much her daughter was ready for until she let go a little bit. Good luck! Email us with your story of new independence: Info@LetGrow.org!" Skenazy urged parents to encourage their children to be more independent and share their success stories.
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Confidence is to be celebrated! It helps us push through failure, embrace mistakes, and chase our dreams with energy and creativity. However, confidence can morph, run wild, and turn into entitlement and arrogance if left unchecked.
Generally speaking, being proud of who you are and believing in yourself and your abilities is a great thing. However, putting others down to raise yourself up or believing that they are somehow ‘beneath you’ is crossing the line. Parents have a lot of power when it comes to shaping their children’s sense of confidence. And a lot can be said about what values a particular family prioritizes by looking at how they tackle special days like birthdays.
"When someone's sense of entitlement begins to encroach on the rights or good nature of others, then it's become a problem that the overly entitled person will need to address if they want to continue to enjoy the company of others," Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., was kind enough to explain to Bored Panda recently.
"It's normal to want to feel 'special' on special days, but when friends begin to resent you for the level of 'special treatment’ you feel you deserve, it's time to back down and remember that everyone deserves to be thought of as special and treated with equal respect,” the licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University said.
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"By making small events the 'annual birthday traditions' and including suggestions for 'giving back' to others on a birthday as a way to celebrate another year of maturity, families can raise children who don't expect to be showered with 'things' on their birthdays," the professor pointed out that parents might want to consider raising their kids to value their birthdays for other reasons besides the gift bonanzas they get.
"Traditions can include 'birthday pancakes' or 'cupcakes for breakfast' or some other celebratory start to the day. A special meal at dinner, getting out of chores on their birthday, and choosing a toy/book/clothing item to donate to a shelter or charity on the birthday are also ways to cultivate generosity and charity in children," she said that humility, kindness, and generosity are wonderful things to focus on.
"We all learn what we live and when we live in a world where we're feted and made to feel 'uber special' just by nature of a particular day rolling around on the calendar, we come to expect similar treatment throughout our lives. Small changes early on can make big differences down the road."
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maybe 5, was sitting with him and pointed at a white hair and said “what’s this papa?” My friend said “oh it just means I’m getting old” and his son looked at him dead serious, looked at his brother and said “Well. I guess it’s just us and mom soon, huh?”
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