Parents choose gentler parenting styles because they want to break cycles. Some promise to never parent their kids like they were parented. According to a 2025 survey of parents with kids aged 0-6, 37% of young parents are focused on healing generational trauma. That often involves gentle parenting, but if not done correctly, it can backfire spectacularly.
This person had such a hard time with their brother's kids that they had to cut their visit short. After the children destroyed their home office, chipped their patio glass door, and the parents did nothing, the sibling just couldn't ignore it any longer. "They don't do any kind of punishment or consequences," the person shared in disbelief.
Unruly kids became the reason a brother was kicked out of his sibling's house during a visit
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
After they destroyed their home office, the host asked the brother to either discipline them or get out
Image credits: Vyacheslav Platonov / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Akashi_Rairo / Reddit (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Important-Carob-4508
Parents can discipline their kids in gentle ways, too; they don't have to be permissive
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
We'll never know whether the story is an exaggeration or not. Maybe the kids were unruly to the point that the house would have been destroyed. Perhaps the parents did gentle parenting right, and the sibling was just too prejudiced to notice.
But whatever the real situation was, one thing is true: children need discipline. Even the UK's Supernanny, Jo Frost, says that discipline teaches kids self-control and helps them feel secure. Kids need and thrive when there are rules, so a household where everything is permitted will only do developmental damage in the long run.
Children need to learn that there are consequences to their actions, or they might get a brutal reality check when they step into the real world as adults. Some parents may avoid disciplining their children because they've had bad experiences when they were children.
However, parents can dish out consequences in such a way that doesn't traumatize their kids. Child therapist Jess VanderWier, MA, RP, explains that there is a difference between punishments and boundaries.
"I've heard concerns like, 'Won't saying 'no' all the time crush their spirit?' or 'I don't want to be the bad guy – I want my child to like me!' These fears are understandable, but research tells a different story if boundaries are applied correctly," she writes. "Research consistently shows that children actually thrive when they have clear, consistent limits."
Discipline doesn't equal punishment, and research shows that setting clear boundaries and guiding children to adhere to them is much more effective than any form of punishment.
Boundaries need to be consistent, set firmly, and always followed through with
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
What does setting boundaries for children look like exactly? VanderWier likens it to parents acting as the child's "external prefrontal cortex." Essentially, kids act out or do questionable things because their brains aren't fully developed yet. So, parents need to guide them and teach them how to navigate the world.
The most effective ways to set boundaries can be:
- Consistency. If parents change rules from one day to the next, it confuses children. If a room is off-limits today, it must be so tomorrow, too.
- Authoritative but gentle delivery. Shouting or raising your voice only intimidates and scares children. Tone and body language matter, so parents need to be confident yet compassionate.
- When you say 'no,' offer a creative 'yes.' VanderWier gives an apt example with a cat. Instead of saying, "Don't touch the cat," say, "I won't let you pull the cat's fur. Let's practice touching her with soft hands."
- Use natural consequences. This is the "Mess around and find out," but for children. According to Julie Wales, family and special needs counselor, "this helps associate negative outcomes with specific behaviour."
All in all, parents can be authoritative and compassionate at the same time. "Boundaries and love go hand in hand," VanerWier adds. "You can enforce a boundary while still offering comfort and support."
"I wish I was exaggerating," the homeowner detailed in the comments
Most commenters sided with the hosts: "They're raising future sociopaths and narcissists"
Others pointed out that all kids will misbehave: "Kids can be replaced if damaged"
