30 Behaviors That People In This Online Group Find Hard To Tolerate So They Judge Others For It

According to Emma Seppälä, a Yale lecturer and a best-selling author, “Science shows that we are actually wired for compassion, not self-interest.” Dacher Keltner at the University of California, Berkeley also suggests that we don’t learn compassion, but it’s an innate instinct.

But that doesn’t stop us from judging other people. Bored Panda reached out to motivational speaker, mindset expert and co-founder of Super Connector Media Jen Gottlieb and she revealed that even the most compassionate people can be quick to judge.

Jen Gottlieb explained the reasons behind such feelings: “It’s usually because [people] feel threatened, insecure or competitive towards the person they are judging. People also tend to make negative judgments towards others when someone does something that reflects an aspect about themselves that they don't like.”

Turns out, it’s a form of projecting which allows judgemental people to feel like they are above others: “Instead of looking inward, they use judgment to deflect those insecurities. Judging someone gives people a false sense of hierarchy or superiority so insecure people often skip over compassion and move straight into judgment to make themselves feel better.”

Even though the person who is judging others might feel like they are superior, Jen Gottlieb believes that such behavior reveals that they might not be very happy with themselves and their lives.

The mindset expert goes into more detail about how a happy and unhappy person thinks, which influences their different views: “I would say that unhappy people are quicker to judge others and happy people are quicker to have an open mind and give people the benefit of the doubt. Unhappy people often use judgment as a tool to attempt to feel more secure within themselves. Happy people don’t need to do that because they tend to come from an abundant/collaborative mindset instead of a competitive one. Happy people also tend to look at people with a more positive lens and see the good. My fiance Chris always says ‘hurt people hurt people.’”

The action of judging is always seen as negative and as it turns out, is a personality trait that is more common for unhappy people. Truth to be told, Jen Gottlieb doesn’t see any benefits coming from it. “Being judgemental can definitely hold you back from becoming successful because you are subconsciously (or sometimes consciously) blocking opportunities and relationships before you know what they can do for you!”

The motivational speaker reveals that in her own experience, she may not have formed some of the most powerful relationships with her friends if she had been too judgemental and wouldn’t have given them a chance.

But critical thinking and evaluation of your actions are still very important. “There is a difference between being judgmental and thoughtful. It is important to be thoughtful and intentional with your interactions and choices, but the second you find yourself making negative preconceived notions about something or someone, you should pause and ask yourself why you are making the judgment. Did that person activate something in you that made you feel less than? It always starts and ends with the hidden ‘why’ behind the judgment.”

Do you feel like you tend to judge others more when you are feeling unhappy? Do you think there are things you would judge others for even if you are in a good mood? Do you think a little bit of judging might be beneficial? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!