#1
What is it about living with other people that is so fascinating? Most of us try to be on our best behavior, at least in the beginning, but eventually, every roommate’s true colors will come out. Whether they’re a clean freak who has to scrub the toilet once a day, an extremely light sleeper who will call the cops if your neighbors are playing music past 10pm, or a compulsive liar who concocts elaborate stories to avoid paying rent each month, they cannot hide it forever. When we move in with a significant other, there might be plenty of challenges to navigate as well, but at least there’s love present. We work hard to make compromises for the sake of the relationship, and we are used to communicating with the other person.
But when it comes to roommates, we might be living with a person who was a complete stranger prior to moving in together, so there are infinite possibilities for how the living situation will be. Cultural differences, vastly different personalities, and various living habits can have a huge impact on whether or not roommates mesh with one another. But if there is mutual respect of the space and one another, in theory, there will be no conflicts.
#2
#3
In 2007 I went backpacking around Australia and lived in a house share in Sydney for a bit. I shared my room with a guy I had met at a hostel previously.
My landlord at the time was not at all sympathetic to my situation and told me he was going to keep all of my deposit, so in an effort to try to appease him and hopefully get some back, I immediately set about finding a new room mate via sites like gumtree so that my room wasn’t left empty. There were a few applicants and after a few days I found a girl who seemed cool and like she’d fit in with the rest of the household so we made arrangements for her to move in. (Despite this my landlord still said he wasn’t going to give me my deposit back, so I nearly didn’t bother, but I really liked all of my housemates and I didn’t want them to end up with a lemon).
Next thing I know, she and my old roommate from the hostel start dating. Then they spend the next two years travelling the world together. I was so happy for them. They then move to Canada together. I visited them once and it was cool to see my old roomie again and get to know his girlfriend that I had unknowingly picked out from gumtree applicants. It’s now been 15 years and not only are they still together, but they have two beautiful children together.
Some people prefer living with their very best friends, while others prefer living with complete strangers who they only minimally interact with; there are pros and cons to either situation. There is always a risk when living with people you’re close to that the relationship will be tarnished if your living habits don’t align, so it might be safer to choose a neutral party. However, if you live with someone you don’t know well, it can be difficult to know if they are trustworthy. And they might have plenty of annoying quirks that you were trying to avoid by choosing not to live with your best friend, it will just take time for them to be revealed.
Living with close friends means you always have emotional support at home, and when you’re running out to grab a cup of coffee, you can always ask if they’d like to join you. On the other hand, they might be in your business more than you would like. There’s no bringing dates over without them knowing, and you might feel obligated to invite them to every event you attend. Living with other adults can be a sticky situation for many reasons, especially if your roommate is simply a bizarre person.
#4
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#6
This list is full of shocking examples of incompetence, like leaving a burrito in the microwave for 40 minutes, and scary situations, like having a roommate who walks and/or talks in their sleep. But having a roommate is not always negative. Sometimes, they might just be fascinating because of how different the two of you are. If you are Muslim and you end up living with a Mormon roommate, you might have some vast religious differences, but you probably have many overlapping morals and lifestyle choices. Plus, you can learn about someone else’s culture if they grew up or currently live quite differently than you do.
And while food is a source of tension for many roommates, as some people feel entitled to take whatever they like even though they didn’t pay for it, it can also be a way to bring housemates together. If your family is Mexican and you know how to make the world’s most delicious chilaquiles, it might be fun to share that with your Italian roommate who has never tried the dish. Sharing meals can be a fun way to bond with your fellow flatmates, and it can also mean a few less meals that you have to cook all by yourself.
#7
For the first month or two, everything was going great and we were happy with her. She’d usually come in when we were all out working so we’d never see her, but she’d leave the place looking emaculate.
Then, out of the blue, her work quality went to absolute s**t and it became apparent that she was either not doing anything or she wasn’t even going to the house anymore. One night, after a few weeks of her s**tty work, I’m talking to Steve and Jake and I suggested we fire her. Jake was all for it but Steve, for some reason, was dead against it. Instead, he suggested we have our neighbour give her a warning. I just kind of said whatever and let him take care of it.
Fast forward another month, I’m at work and I suddenly get sick, so I go home early. I walk in the door and Lo and behold I see Steve, a*s naked on the sofa, hands and feet tied up, and wearing a ball gag - with the cleaner riding him whilst wearing an extremely revealing maids outfit. The look on both their faces when I walked in was f*****g hilarious! And even though I was sick I died laughing knowing why her work quality sucked so bad. It turned out he used to come home every lunchtime when she was there, bang her senseless, then drop her off at her next job!
Long story short - he got her pregnant, and she still lives with him to this day with their little girl.
#8
#9
I have been lucky to have extremely good luck when it comes to roommates throughout the years, but I have heard dozens of horror stories from friends about living in situations where they did not feel safe or comfortable at all. If you have a lot of trouble dealing with your roommate, there’s a chance you may be living with a control freak. According to GoodTherapy, some of the trademark traits of controlling people include anxiety, jealousy, fear or paranoia, narcissism, micromanagement, bullying or taunting, gaslighting, obsessive thoughts or compulsive actions, being over-protective or helicopter parenting, isolating others from their loved ones, and engaging in physical or emotional abuse. It’s important to understand that if you are in a living situation with a control freak, you have every right to move out, or ask them to, for the sake of your mental health. It might be a difficult situation, but our homes are the most important places for us to feel safe and comfortable. When we can’t even relax there, there is a serious problem.
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#12
Although control freaks often do not intend to negatively impact those around them, as their actions are likely a coping mechanism, that does not minimize the effects that their behavior can cause. According to GoodTherapy, living with a control freak can have a profound impact on a roommate’s mental health, including causing anxiety and fear. So to manage an unhealthy living situation, caused or exacerbated by a control freak, psychotherapist Barbara Baker says it “is all about boundaries and standing up to the controlling person in a non-confrontational way” and notes that we should never attempt to bully a bully back. And instead of giving into appeasing a roommate’s exhausting or unreasonable demands, Barbara says we should try to focus on the qualities of our roommate that we do appreciate, like their sense of humor or how much we enjoy having movie nights with them.
#13
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#15
And if you’re having trouble with a roommate who is a bit of a control freak, be sure to let them know how you’re feeling. If you never speak up, they will continue to bulldoze you or make you uncomfortable, perhaps without even realizing they’re doing it. If you calmly and respectfully explain what you want out of the living situation, they might be able to make compromises and become more self-aware. They might even respect your views even more than you expected them to; they just needed someone to give them some perspective on the situation.
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#18
You might associate having roommates with university students and people who have just graduated from college and don’t have a stable income yet, but the fact is that it’s actually quite common for adults to live with others. We are all aware of how inflation has affected rent prices in recent years, so living alone is not always an option financially. And not everyone wants to live alone. Some of us don’t love the idea of coming home to an empty house at the end of the day, and some even feel safer knowing that there’s at least one other person around in case anything goes wrong. As of 2017, about 15% of adults in the United States lived with a roommate or other non relative. Those numbers were much higher, however, in expensive, densely populated cities. In Los Angeles, nearly 50% of adults lived with other adults, and in New York City, 40% of adults had roommates. There is no shame in the shared housing game, as it is a great way to save money and use resources wisely.
#19
