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Bored Panda wanted to learn more about relationships, embracing other people's quirks, and honest conversations, so we reached out to Glenn Geher, Ph.D., who is a professor of psychology at the State University of New York at New Paltz and a published author. He was kind enough to shed some light on our questions.
We were curious how someone might go about talking about their partner's annoying habits with them if they tend to avoid conflict. According to Dr. Geher, there is no alternative to proper communication if you want your relationship to be happy and healthy.
"The amount of research that underscores the importance of communication in relationships is enormous. Open and honest communication is simply critical to the success of any relationship," he explained to us in an email.
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"When people stop feeling comfortable being able to communicate with their partners, resentments build—often to the detriment of the relationship. Discussing topics—in empathic and respectful ways—that may be difficult to broach may well pay off in the end," he said.
Meanwhile, Bored Panda was curious how someone might go about becoming more accepting of their significant other's slightly odd behaviors. "Perfection eludes all of us—this is simply a fact," Dr. Geher told Bored Panda.
"Accepting one’s own imperfections is critical for one’s own well-being—just as accepting a partner’s imperfections is critical to relationship success," he said.
"Reframing a partner’s minor imperfections as endearing instead of annoying can go a long way toward cultivating a healthy, loving relationship."
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The Institute for Family Studies reports that nearly half (49%) of all American couples with kindergarten-age children argue over chores and responsibilities. Couples who argued about chores the most were less likely to be happy with the more physical aspects of their relationships.
Meanwhile, the Institute states that other major sources of arguments included money (43% of respondents admitted this was a sore subject), children (41%), being too tired for sex (38%), and how leisure time is spent (33%). Rarer topics for arguments included the in-laws (29%), showing affection (22%), religion (10%), drinking (8%), and other women or men (just 4%).
Meanwhile, Investopedia states that money disagreements, along with arguments about sex, consistently rank as the top two reasons married couples fight. “In both cases, one member of the pair just can't seem to get enough of what they view as a scarce commodity.”
The solution? More open and constructive conversations, as well as setting some ground rules for how both partners should behave. Meanwhile, like most areas of life, honesty really is the best antidote for resentment.
A bit of objectivity and a dash of empathy can work wonders for any relationship. Before you start criticizing others, it might not be such a horrible idea to reflect on your own habits and quirks.
Are you the type of person who never watches movies and TV shows in fullscreen mode? Do you poke fun at others for doing the same things you’re guilty of?
Do you leave your clothes strewn about the entire home? Are you overly messy or obsessed with neatness?
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The odds are that if you sit down with your partner and have an open and honest discussion about each other’s habits, you’ll find that you have a lot of things to work on.
Being part of a happy and healthy relationship means supporting each other no matter what, but also being transparent about things that bug you, and helping one another grow and improve. This is different from trying to ‘fix’ someone. We can grow as individuals, but there is nothing in us that is objectively in need of ‘fixing.’
This sort of openness is unavoidable if you’re in a relationship for the long run. If you genuinely love your significant other, you owe it to them not to keep your frustrations roiling inside of you. And they owe you the same level of honesty.
Naturally, how you say something is just as important as what you say. There are moments when you need to be direct, but you shouldn’t be overly blunt, blurting out a bunch of hurtful things.
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Try to phrase your thoughts in a way that you know your partner will be receptive to. For instance, if they tend to get defensive, you could be more delicate and diplomatic. Use lots of ‘I’ statements about how you feel when they behave a certain way, all while avoiding any direct judgments or dredging up any past arguments.
On the flip side, if you know that your significant other prefers directness or is awful at picking up on subtle hints, try matching their level of communication. You can still be friendly even when you’re firm.
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