Life is not black and white. And making huge, sweeping blanket statements such as, “I hate men” usually does a disservice to conversations about feminism and misogyny that require much more nuance. However, when I see posts like these online, I can’t help but think for a moment, “Okay, I understand why some women might feel that way.” And sadly, our exposure to sexism starts young. According to one UK survey, 66% of 16-18 year old girls reported experiencing sexist language at school. But even women in high-ranking positions aren’t spared, as 67% of women parliamentarians in Africa admitted to frequently being subjected to sexist remarks and attitudes.
There’s no question that our society is still biased towards men. One 2018 Pew Research Center survey analyzing the traits Americans associate with each gender found that they are much more likely to use the word “powerful” to describe men in a positive way, while the word often has a negative connotation when referring to women. Americans are also twice as likely to use the word “honest” to refer to men than women. “Beautiful” was almost exclusively used for women, and “provider” was only used for men.
And when it comes to why men feel the need to spew blatantly sexist views online, psychotherapist and author Joan Kavanaugh says, “Men behave badly because they can.” They’re taught from a young age that traits like emotional sensitivity, kindness, compassion and understanding are signs of weakness, while “real men” are stoic. And without a conscious effort to reverse the effects of this teaching, men are likely to continue in the paths of many misogynists before them.
“I try to teach my sons that being sensitive to other people’s feelings is part of being a good guy,” one concerned father told NBC News. “But in this world, with the role models they have, it’s not an easy job to convince them.” He shared that when one of his sons was bullied at school, the teacher not only failed to punish the bullies for their actions, they also added salt to the hurt’s wounds by saying, “What’s the matter with you? Are you some kind of sissy, that you can’t take a little teasing?”
While educating men on the topic of sexism to ensure that younger generations feel no shame about expressing their emotions and respect women as equals is key, it can also be an exhausting role to take on. Rebecca Cox at Harper’s Bazaar notes that, “You can bang your head against a brick wall/attempt difficult discussions with men, over and over again, but sometimes something happens that crystallizes why you might be better off simply abandoning your quest.” This might be because, in 2016, 56% of men in the United States believed that sexism was essentially over, agreeing that “obstacles that made it harder for women to get ahead are largely gone.” Why would they be worried about fixing a problem they don’t even think exists?
One of the reasons Cox says she’s done explaining sexism to men is because it’s nearly impossible to get them to understand the “fear that women have when walking or running alone” or to convince them to believe victims without immediately jumping to skepticism. While many men are quick to ask questions about what a woman was wearing or how drunk she was when she was raped, it might be informative for them to learn that they’re 230 times more likely to be raped than falsely accused of rape. So perhaps they should care about believing victims.
“The world is not only set up in a way that culturally and financially benefits men, it is genuinely dangerous to be a woman, even here in the UK, one of the most progressive countries in the world,” Cox writes for Harper’s Bazaar. “However much I read about gender, feminism, the patriarchy, however many conversations I attempt to have with men; as a woman, I am at risk of harm at the hands of men, over and over again.” Every man is not a predator, and many are allies who do a wonderful job parenting and educating the youth about social issues. However, when one out of every six women in the United States has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime, something has to change.
It may seem harmless to see memes and tweets about how women are men’s property when they’re told as jokes, but to many women, sexist jokes are no laughing matter. According to a study from Harvard University, men who have been told sexist jokes by women have a higher proclivity for rape, or are more likely to admit that they would be willing to commit rape if no one would ever find out. Jane Gilmore, at The Sydney Morning Herald, wrote a piece discussing the danger of sexist jokes, where she notes, “They are not going to turn a man who abhors men’s violence against women into a wife beater, but they can confirm a violent man’s belief that all men do what he does and he is therefore not responsible for his choice to be violent and does not need to change.”
