36 Sensations That Must Be Experienced To Be Fully Understood

To get a better understanding of how people can relate to each other better, we contacted Barbara Jaffe, who is an emeritus English professor and a current fellow in UCLA's Department of Education.

"Empathy is one of the most important qualities a person can possess," Jaffe, author of 'When will I be good enough?', told Bored Panda. "Empathy allows us to understand others on a deeper level. It is also not necessary to have had the same experience as another person in order to feel empathy."

"For example, seeing an unhoused (homeless) person can immediately make us feel sad about that person's situation. If we feel sorry for that person, it sets up an uneven relationship whereby we are looking at the other person, grateful for not being in their position and in a sense, feeling better than that person on some level. However, feeling empathy allows us to understand at a basic emotional level that this other person is feeling pain and perhaps suffering, and we can understand both of those emotions no matter our circumstances, for all of us have had pain and suffering. Therefore, empathy enables us to understand each other and connect in a way that allows us to share our feelings with others."

However, this isn't always effortless for us. "A lack of effective communication can certainly limit our empathizing," Jaffe said. "When we aren't listening carefully to another (or tuning someone out), it is easy for us to also 'unplug' our emotions and not care very much about them. Listening allows us to hear what the person is experiencing and enables us to appreciate at least what that person is going through."

As she pointed out, the more self-absorbed we become and believe that what's happening to us is all that matters, the more we limit our ability to empathize with others. "When we realize that others are going through hard times and they might need someone to talk to, we can accept that we aren’t the only ones who have issues. This mutual understanding of each other’s hardships allows for empathy."

Research suggests that women could be better at empathizing with others than men. For example, when The Pew Research Center asked Americans about their thoughts and feelings regarding human suffering in light of the pandemic and other recent tragedies, two-thirds of women (66%) said that in the past year, they have personally thought "a lot" or "some" about big questions such as the meaning of life, whether there is any purpose to suffering and why terrible things happen to people, compared with 55% of men who reported the same.

"There are those who are naturally born with empathy, an innate understanding and feeling for what others are experiencing," Jaffe added. "Some people are empathic souls, yet all of us can learn how to appreciate the emotions of others even if we have never had the same experiences. It is a process that begins internally when we can learn to accept ourselves, one day at a time."

For those who want to get better at empathizing with others, Barbara Jaffe recommends three things:

Be kind to yourself. "We must learn to be gentle and patient with ourselves. We must first learn to be empathic with ourselves, to give ourselves a break, to be understanding about our own lives before we can begin to have empathy for others," she said.

Learn to listen — really listen — to others when they are sharing their thoughts and feelings. According to Jaffe, it isn't easy to listen, and our ‘me-centric’ culture isn't helping us develop the habit. But, if we actively try to make eye contact and hear what the other person is sharing, we will get closer to their true emotions.

Share our thoughts with those we trust. "Even if we are a little hesitant to do so, we will experience empathy not only for others but for ourselves. Take a ‘safe risk’ with someone who will listen to us and understand."