Let's be clear: the quality of our relationships with our in-laws is often inversely proportional to their distance from us. So, ideally, for example, your spouse's parents live overseas. However, even in this situation, various unpleasant nuances can arise anyway.
The story we're about to tell you today tells how seemingly routine and harmless annual in-law visits actually turned into a heavy burden for a woman. And how the husband really should be more attentive to his wife's problems. Well, let’s just cut to the chase.
More info: Reddit
No matter how good you treat your relatives, sometimes, their regular visits can bring you nothing but annoyance and hidden anger
Image credits: wirestock / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The author of the post has her in-laws living in Germany, and they usually come to the U.S. for a monthly visit once a year
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Magnific (not the actual photo)
They are both nice people, and the author loves them, but the burden of hosting them usually falls on her, and the couple also pays for everything, including the plane tickets
Image credits: chokniti / Magnific (not the actual photo)
So, no matter how friendly they actually are, this month usually becomes a tough test for the author
Image credits: Perfect-Owl-9745
So, recently, the author asked her husband for another option for accommodation for his parents, and he wasn't happy with this idea
The Original poster (OP) says her husband's parents live in Germany and they visit them for about a month every year. They are both wonderful people, and the author is on excellent terms with them, but in recent years, she has become rather weary of these visits. To the point that she even offered her spouse some other arrangements this year.
The problem is that the main burden of hosting guests usually falls on our heroine, while her husband doesn't even take PTO at work. Meanwhile, the author works from home, does all the chores, and spends time with the kids, so the additional workload over the course of a whole month is quite overwhelming for her.
On top of that, the woman doesn't speak German, and her in-laws don't speak English, so there's an added language challenge. Ah, and the husband's parents are both heavy smokers, and they usually sit on the screened-in terrace where the OP is used to working and stretching, so she simply can't use her usual spot for a whole month.
On top of that, the couple usually pays for the entire in-laws’ trip, from their tickets to their meals. So this time, the wife actually suggested that they either travel to Germany with the kids themselves, or that the in-laws stay at the Airbnb. Or at least to shorten their visit to two weeks. And now she doesn't know if she did the right thing at all.
Image credits: lobachad / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Well, communicating with in-laws, especially if it's based on a healthy relationship, is always great. But in any case, experts note that the family should always present a united front, both in everyday interactions and in potential conflicts. For example, this article at Gottman reasonably says that a partner's family is a “different culture,” so you can't expect the spouse to simply adapt.
In relationships with in-laws, it's also very important to establish a rule that any fundamental interactions with them should first be discussed within the couple, as this article at Very Well Mind claims. First, the spouses discuss the nuances of communication and setting boundaries with in-laws, and then the rules developed are shared with the older generation.
By the way, regarding boundaries, according to the authors of this article at Spokesman, if a wife, for example, is having any problems communicating with her husband's parents, it's ideal for the spouse to set boundaries with his parents himself. Not leaving the wife alone against his fam, but providing her with maximum support. This seems to be exactly what the OP was missing here...
Yes, the vast majority of people in the comments also noted that the author's husband should really take a PTO at least once during his parents' visit to fully understand the difficulties this causes his wife. In any case, \netizens' opinion here were completely on the author's side. And what do you, our dear readers, think about this story?
Most of the commenters, however, sided with the woman and claimed that her husband must set some boundaries for his mom and dad anyway
