I have been a preacher about finding your own happiness for a while and I have been on a personal journey to make myself happy. No one, I repeat, NO ONE is going to come up to you and say, “excuse me...you don’t look happy...would you like $100 bucks? A new job? Want meet to egg the house of that douche that ghosted you?” NO ONE is going to do this for you. To think that others are responsible for your happiness is a recipe for being miserable. Presently we have all been tested with the task of trying to carry on and stay sane while socially distancing. For introverts and gamers, cheers to you guys. In a world of survival of the fittest, you guys win when it comes to keeping your sanity during these times.
I will admit I was okay at first and then I started to go to the darkside. There was a meme floating around of Brittany Spears’s different levels of crazy and I was starting to feel like the one of her with a shaved head and about to hit a car with a baseball bat. I’m pretty easy going, laid back, and my situation of living with my boyfriend who I still dearly love after being cooped up with the kids and two dogs, for me to be on the “hit a car with a bat” level of Brittany crazy means I know it has to be really, really, REALLY hard for anyone less fortunate.
That being said, we are all going to pull through and I think a lot of people have had time to do a lot of personal reflection and decide what they want their future to look like. Some have started new hobbies, some have had to look for new jobs, some have found love while others said goodbye to it. Regardless of something negative or positive through all of this, change is good. I was watching a documentary on animals migrating and the first thing they said made me stop in my tracks. “Animals that don’t move die.” Now...don’t get me wrong, I just said earlier that the gamers were winning in this survival test and they barely move, but let me stay on my motivational preaching of “change is good”. One of my favorite scientific quotes happens to be Newton’s first law of motion, “Objects in motion stay in motion” and for a lot of us, this has been hard. We are always on the go, on the move, exercising, traveling, dancing, and all of those things that help us feel alive, and help get our serotonin levels up (aka HAPPY JUICE in our brain) had to stop.
I found it very refreshing that as a country most of us were able to put others needs before ours and were able to think communally, caring for the elderly, the safety of our parents, our friends, family, and people we do not know. We all put our happiness on hold in a way. It forced us to find other ways to find happiness. For me stress relieving activities like rollerblading and dancing help me tremendously. Luckily for my mom, she likes puzzles and reading. I’m writing this article pretty much as therapy. I have a lot of dialogue and crazy thoughts in my head and can’t ever type them fast enough. Sitting outside jamming to some chill music on Pandora, I’m rambling away. If you read this, maybe you can relate on some level, and know you aren’t alone. Maybe you’ll be encouraged to write a boredpanda article yourself! (Do not judge on paragraph structure or spell check because their is none) =P
My main purpose for writing this is to reflect on encouraging others to be happy. I have had numerous people reach out to me when I made the move to Florida, when I asked for a divorce, when I met my soulmate, and when I changed careers (again). The quarantine has provided me time for this long overdue regurgitation of thoughts and words. Those that have reached out to me have been trying to figure out some big decisions and asking my advice, but I think they are really using me more as an understanding ear that is judgement free. I am always happy to listen to my friends and share my experiences with them too. Other’s have reached out to me to say they are SO happy to see that I am so happy. I love getting those messages. I didn’t do anything miraculous other than listen to my heart. I know that sounds silly, but we all know that gut feeling, that inner source that guides you in life. When I simplify things to the simplest form, I was honest with myself. I wasn’t happy in Pennsylvania. I was becoming numb inside. I didn’t realize it at first because I was drinking everyday. Not to the point of being intoxicated (unless it was the weekend) but one day when I was so cold sitting at my computer in a winter jacket, 2 pairs of leggings, and a stout in my hand, I realized I was miserable. I was tired of drinking. I was tired of being inside my house, and I just felt like I was dying inside, slowly. I had a little PTSD this quarantine and this moment flashed back into my head. I told myself as I was drinking wine and feeling sleepy, “I don’t want to feel like this”... I want to feel “alive, awake, energized” so I got my rollerblades out and made myself hit the only path open these days. (It’s my favorite path anyway, so win for me!) I had to change the direction my head was going. I had to MOVE and change my habits. No one else was going to do this for me. My boyfriend is super supportive of this so he has helped watch the kids while I go exercise and a couple of my best friends have joined in with me (1 at a time and 6 ft apart outside). They have helped aid in my quest for finding my happiness, but again, they are not responsible for it.
If you don’t like something, change it. It really is that simple. If you listen to your heart and it is telling you to go back to school because you hate your job, do it! If you feel like you are dying inside because you love to ski but live somewhere tropical, unless you have a child custody issue, MOVE. If you are being HONEST with yourself and know what you want out of life, go for it. Don’t let others tell you what to do. I know it can be scary to make changes, but I have found by making these changes I have not only stayed in close friendships with my best friends in Pennsylvania but I have made a whole new circle of friends that enjoy simlars things that I do and in turn, that makes me happy! There are lots of weirdos out there that like to dress up in costumes, wear crazy socks, and dance the night away! You will find your own pack of weirdos, just be open to it, and stop trying to be somebody that you are not. I’ve discovered that I’m actually pretty “vanilla” when it comes to some of these characters =P
Another great quote “If people are doubting how far you can go, go so far that you can’t hear them anymore.” (Thanks Liz for that IG post)
If you have been in a relationship for many years but now are miserable, instead of doing shady shit behind someone’s back, just be HONEST. Just because you have spent a lot of time together does’t dictate your “forever”. When you are honest with your partner and yourself you will feel relieved. Whoever brings this up first or addresses their sadness first in the relationship, know that it is a tragic loss for them too. If you have a friend that is going through a divorce, even if they asked for it, understand they are mourning too. They might not show it on social media or it may seem like they are out living the single life style or enjoying a new found romance, but be kind. It takes a lot for someone to start the divorce conversation and again, no one wins in a divorce. No one gets into any relationship with plans to end it. This is just an unfortunate, tragic step one must take to move on, move forward, and work towards finding themselves, and their happiness.
There is a good saying that says marriage is a choice, every day! This is true. Just because you were 20 and thought you were making the right decisions doesn’t mean you can’t grow as a person, and make changes to your relationship. I do believe in timing and if you were lucky enough to produce children with a spouse or share some amazing happy memories with an ex, then you did something right. Don’t punish yourself for your path and for being open to listening to your heart. There is a time and place for everything and I am beyond grateful to have two beautiful, happy, healthy children out of my divorce. My ex husband is a great dad and through all of this, I just want him to find his own happiness.
I would say I have been lucky to have found “my person” when I wasn’t looking for him. I have been nothing but honest about who I am, what I want, and what I love, in my current relationship. I am truly myself and have never felt so confident in who I am before than now. My boyfriend “domestic partner” (oh yea, we are on the same insurance plan so I can call him that now) and I have never had to force anything. Everything naturally took its course but did happen relatively quickly. We both fell, with open arms, and caught each other. I do not look to him to make me happy. He adds to my happiness. If someone doesn’t add to your happiness, boyfriend/girlfriend or just friend, why waste your time in a relationship with them? Life is short and you’ve got lots of love to give.
My family teases me because I have changed careers a few times. I have taught art for 5 years and been an esthetician for 8. Teaching taught me patience and proved that I can refrain from cursing in public (high five to me) Working as an esthetician I learned that I LOVE helping others feel good about themselves by providing services. A 10 minute eyebrow wax can be a life changer for someone, and that’s a powerful feeling to be able to help them feel better about themselves.
I most recently joined Vivify Plastic Surgery www.vivifyps.com as their Patient Experience Concierge. Not only does my title sound cool but I get to hear patient’s unique stories and be the one to guide them through the process of having plastic surgery. I love being able to be the go to person for our patients and to help ease any anxiety or concerns they may have about having surgery. I get to be with them from start to finish of their experience and seeing their happy faces after they have their procedure done is so rewarding. I truly feel happy helping others feel happy about themselves. When we feel like we look good, we feel good.
Case and point, If you don’t like something, change it!
I chose to be honest with myself, to listen to my heart, and I made the necessary changes in my life to be happy.
Oh! One last quote “Fuck the naysayers cause they don’t mean a thing, cause this what style we bring” -311
More info: Www.vivifyps.com
