I (28F) have been in therapy for two years dealing with the fallout of my nmom's behavior. After a lifetime of walking on eggshells, I finally did it. I told her that I would no longer engage in conversations where she screamed at me, and if she started, I would hang up the phone.
It took three days. She called, asked about my work, and the second I gave an answer she didn't like, the screaming started. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but I said, "Mom, I'm not going to listen to this. I love you, but I'm hanging up now." And I did.
The fallout has been nuclear. I've been bombarded with texts from her and my enabling father. I'm "disrespectful." I'm "holding grudges." I'm "too sensitive" and "can't take a joke." The latest one, the one that really stings, is that I'm an "ungrateful daughter who is tearing this family apart because of some therapist's lies."
The logical part of me knows this is the extinction burst. I know this is textbook. But the little girl in me is so, so sad and filled with doubt. I feel like I'm drowning in guilt. I know I didn't do anything wrong by protecting my peace, but why does it feel so awful? Has anyone else felt this crushing guilt after finally standing up for yourself? How do you sit with these feelings without caving?
It took three days. She called, asked about my work, and the second I gave an answer she didn't like, the screaming started. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but I said, "Mom, I'm not going to listen to this. I love you, but I'm hanging up now." And I did.
The fallout has been nuclear. I've been bombarded with texts from her and my enabling father. I'm "disrespectful." I'm "holding grudges." I'm "too sensitive" and "can't take a joke." The latest one, the one that really stings, is that I'm an "ungrateful daughter who is tearing this family apart because of some therapist's lies."
The logical part of me knows this is the extinction burst. I know this is textbook. But the little girl in me is so, so sad and filled with doubt. I feel like I'm drowning in guilt. I know I didn't do anything wrong by protecting my peace, but why does it feel so awful? Has anyone else felt this crushing guilt after finally standing up for yourself? How do you sit with these feelings without caving?
